Adoption TMA TME

Wife and I are considering having one more kiddo (we have two now) but are seriously looking at adoption.  We've heard stories about it being expensive but we really need to find out as much as we can first.  We live in Texas and are open to adopting through the state's social services network, foreign opportunities and really any other avenues.

Anyone been through this?  Major pitfalls to look out for?

Private and or foreign is expensive. Typically if you adopt through the state you will get paid a stipend until the child's 18 through AAP (Adoption Assistance Program).

Pitfalls: if you want an infant it's harder through a state agency because everyone wants white babies.

Depending on the state they typically don't want to separate siblings so even if you find a kid you are drawn to it may be a package deal.

Here in California we want to limit the amount of placements a child has so we encourage "concurrent placements " which means you are foster parents with the primary goal if getting the kid back with his/her bio parents. If that fails then you will be the first considered for adoption. Problem is giving up the kid if the parents do barely enough to reunify.

State kids have all suffered some firm of abuse or neglect unless they were relinquishments (given up voluntarily by parents). However foreign kids could come with just as much trauma that they just don't tell you about. Most kids are pretty resilient and grow up fine with good trauma informed parenting.

Foreign governments can just take your money and rip you off and there is nothing you can do about it.

Any other questions ask away. I was an adoptions worker for five years. Phone Post 3.0

We did a private adoption in MO. It cost us about 10k start to finish. The birth mom didn't want any living expenses covered, and that saved us a bit of money. We also listed our profile through a site called Parent Profiles.com, and were contacted by our birthmom in less than 2 weeks. I think they charge something like $150 per month.

A good place to get started is a book called ADOPTING IN AMERICA: How To Adopt Within One Year by Randall Hicks. It covers a lot of basic info

Great stuff guys. Honestly I think we'd be open to an infant/toddler from the state regardless of race. Going to start poking around those websites too.

A package deal of multiple kids probably wouldn't work for us, since we have two already. The foreign route seems too long a process with additional risks too. Phone Post 3.0

If you have any questions, post them. I'll do my best to post anything I've learned along the way.

odysseyroc - If you have any questions, post them. I'll do my best to post anything I've learned along the way.
Will do. My wife and I work for a company which provides some adoption financial assistance so that may help us go the private route. Phone Post 3.0

In Phone Post 3.0

jasonhightower -
odysseyroc - If you have any questions, post them. I'll do my best to post anything I've learned along the way.
Will do. My wife and I work for a company which provides some adoption financial assistance so that may help us go the private route. Phone Post 3.0
That's a great benefit. Also if you are open to any race it obviously gives you more options.

In CA everything is divided by county so each county had their own adoption program/agency. The reason I mention this is that San Diego (where I am) has a high standard when gathering and disclosing as much information as possible to adoptive parents. New write what we call "Tellings" which are basically biographies on the child and their parents and any other family members we know. We don't just give them to the adoptive prospective adoptive parents, we read it word for word (which could be 10 to 20 pages depending) before we do. We try and not only get all health and mental health information on the parents but even grandparents if we can.

Some other counties just give you the name and number of the child's pediatrician, caregiver and school. I don't know how it is in Texas but ask every question possible. When you guys get closer PM me and I'll write a list in case you miss anything. Phone Post 3.0

pennviachoke - I was adopted, good for you for considering it, Its an amazing thing to do Phone Post 3.0
I was adopted as well and I actually had no intention of going into social work. It was just the highest paying gig with good benefits and a pension I could get with a Behavioral Science degree lol.

By the way OP, both my sister and I are grew up to be responsible professionals and have not killed anyone... yet. Phone Post 3.0

Unseen - 
pennviachoke - I was adopted, good for you for considering it, Its an amazing thing to do Phone Post 3.0
I was adopted as well and I actually had no intention of going into social work. It was just the highest paying gig with good benefits and a pension I could get with a Behavioral Science degree lol.

By the way OP, both my sister and I are grew up to be responsible professionals and have not killed anyone... yet. Phone Post 3.0


Very cool, the chance to save a kid is pretty much an irresistable feeling for us right now.

The Tiger Man - I worked for DCFS. 99% of the kids have issues and even the babies suffer in utero "abuse". We had a whole unit called adoption preservation which tells you how many people tried to give back this kids because they were so messed up.

Foreign is a gamble also since they sometimes hide kids medical issues and try to fuck people over.

Not trying to scare you off, but go in with you eyes open.

If you adopt you have my respect! It's not easy but definitely needed. Phone Post 3.0


I appreciate that man, if we pull the trigger we definitely want to do it with all the right knowledge.