Again the freakin' guillotine, wtf

So I'm at the bar last night with my entire family - mom, dad, sisters, brother, even dear old grandma,...on Christmas Night mind you, and some little guy comes up to me and tells me, "Hey that big gay bouncer up front is trying to get you to glory hole him in the bathroom". I look over and see a bouncer wearing a pink t-shirt with a flowery pattern, assless chaps, and no shoes, with red painted toenails, blowing kisses at me. He's got a tattoo on his forehead that reads " SIRZIG." I walk up to this freak and say "Hey Ace, you wanna cool it on the glory hole talk, I'm here with my family". He pauses, looks me up with his mascara running down his cheeks, and says in a mushy alcohol-induced, horny tone "Ooooooooooh!!! A MAYAN!!!!!".

I said "Look, I'm not interested in that, and I dont' want any trouble". Saying that was like firing a starter pistol, and he definitely took it the wrong way. This boy goes to grab my face and kiss me.

As he starts to reach for me, I shyed away and sort of bent down. Now, I'm no fighter. In fact, I walk with a cane, my left arm was in a sling, I weight 97 pounds, I wear really thick glasses, and I've never been in a fight. As I was kneeling down, he wraps his arms around my head and pulls me between his legs. My grandmother comes over and starts hitting over the head with her colostomy bag, to no avail. You can assume the rest of the story, about 5 seconds into the choke I was out. As I was coming to, he grabbed a hand full of my pants and head-firsted me into the bathroom.

Luckly, some of the customers pulled him off of me. He starts doing some "Milk-shake brings all the boys to the yard" dance around the assembled crowd.

That's how it happened, and don't let anyone tell you different.

lol it's Christmastime so i'll give it an 8

Are you having any prison fantasies as well? What's do you think it means with all the female family members involved while you are being molested? Get professional help quick! ;)

lol 8.5

The colostomy bag can be a good weapon.

9.0