An overweight blonde went to her doctor

A terribly overweight blonde woman went to her doctor about her weight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

“I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded.

“I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” said the blonde.

“From hunger, you mean?” the doctor asked.

“No, from skipping.” the blonde replied.

13 Likes

I miss good the ol fashioned dumb blonde jokes. One of my favorites was…

A blonde gets stranded on a desert island a mile away from civilization. She sees freedom in the distance and decides to go for it. She swims half way, gets discouraged, then swims back.

4 Likes

A blind guy walks into a bar. He can tell there is a bouncer at the door, so he asks how to walk to the bar. He is surprised to hear a woman’s voice say, “Just keep it to the left, old timer.” He makes his way to the bar, sits down, and realizes that the only two people talking are a pair of women at the end of the bar. He hears the bartender approaching, and a woman says, “What will it be, sir?” He orders a beer, has a couple drinks, gets comfortable.

When the bartender comes back, he says, “Hey, want to hear a blonde joke?” The bartender tells him, “Listen, grandpa, you need to know something. The woman at the door is a six foot, 200 pound, weightlifting champion, and she’s a blonde. The two women at the end of the bar are cops, and they’re blondes. And I’m a blonde. Do you still want to tell this joke?”

The old man thinks for a second, and says “Nah, I don’t want to have to explain it four times.”

8 Likes

Subbing early.

1 Like

TTT

1 Like

imprisonable

a brunette, redhead and a blond go up to a magic mirror. if you lie to the mirror, you immediately dissapear. brunette says " i think i am the most beautiful woman in the world"…poof, she dissapears. the redhead says " i think im the smartest person in the world"… poof, she dissapears. the blond then walks up to the mirror and says “i think …” …poof, she dissapears

3 Likes

LMAO