Another marriage ending thread, advice please

I've been married for 14 years. We've had our ups and downs. We have 3 wonderful kids 10, 8, and 6. I've been heavy my life, since I was a kid. I'm not my heaviest, but I'm not far off it. Neither of us is cheating, we're both home way to much for that to be a possibility. About a week ago we were having drinks with an old friend and his wife, my motorcycle has been in the shop for a year while the guy helps me outb and fixes it at no cost to me, but I gotta be patient. Well I tell her it's finally coming home and she says we'll see. I am kind of buzzed and just sick of her always trying to be the boss so I said the bike is definitely coming home. That makes her very mad. We haven't spoken apart from about the kids since.
We've averaged sex 4 or 5 times a year for the past 3 years. It's really bad where now she doesn't even like to cuddle or anything. Sex is definitely a job to her. We used to do it at least once a week.
When we first married I didn't make much money, but then I got a job where for about 7 years I made over 500k year. I balled out, I paid for her mom's house to be rehabbed, bought my mom a car. We took amazing trips. I definitely spent more than her. We built a house for 850k where I let her design it and pick out everything. I also put away money, but not as much as I should have. Then trading went south fast and in one year I went from 500k to 50k. We eventually lost the house. I found some investors and raised enough money to open a restaurant but it required us to move to Florida. Which she hates.
She hasn't had to produce any income or really have a job for 6 years. About 5 years ago she had a male personal trainer that she saw 3x week. I busted her 2x looking at his Facebook pictures of him with no shirt. I don't believe she cheated because the texts were not flirtatious. I got busted chatting with an old gf on Facebook. Nothing sexual, just friendly, but she was really hurt.
She started yoga 4 years ago and got hooked. Where she used to be a fun girl to go have drinks with now she's super serious about yoga and became vegetarian. She teaches yoga but it's a horrible paying job and it takes a lot of family time. But she loves it and it makes her happy so I never bitch. And it's funny how spiritual and enlightened these yoga people are yet they are probably the cattiest group I've ever seen. I've asked her to come work at the restaurant with me, she's great with people and would be a big asset and make more money. That's not my passion she says. Personally i think she would have a problem with me being in charge.
I've allowed her to be the alpha in the relationship, I try to be the good husband who ALWAYS helps with the kids and housework even after working 12 hours. I'm the alpha in our social circles, but at home she is the boss. She can be rude sometimes and brushes it off when you call her on it. But if you're rude to her? Look out there will be hell to pay and she could bring it up 10 years later.
I want to leave, but damn I love putting my kids to bed every night. She's an amazing mother always and when she wants to amazing wife. What does the og think? Phone Post 3.0

If my wife got lazy, got fat and made no effort with herself physically to the point I didn't find her sexually attractive I'd be pissed as well and probably looking at hot chicks

You only have yourself to blame dude Phone Post 3.0

shirtless pics on facebook of her "personal trainer?"

 

good luck bro.

LordSeano - If my wife got lazy, got fat and made no effort with herself physically to the point I didn't find her sexually attractive I'd be pissed as well and probably looking at hot chicks

You only have yourself to blame dude Phone Post 3.0
I didn't get fat, I've been fat for 30 years. Phone Post 3.0

You said you are at your almost fattest.

Put it this way. If this was a woman posting a thread that said,

"After 14 years of marriage I'm as fat as I've ever been. My husband has taken up sports and is now big into physical fitness. He doesn't want to have sex with me any more. I'm a good mum but I don't understand what I'm doing wrong"

We'd all know what the advice would be.

Why don't you make an effort for your wife physically? Make yourself attractive to her again Phone Post 3.0

I work out 3x week, want to get gastric bypass been a life long problem Phone Post 3.0

You're fat not an alpha Phone Post 3.0

You sound like a good guy. Stick it out for the kids. Lose weight, get in shape, and see if that ignites the ol' lady's interest in you. Phone Post 3.0

Hmmm IMO

Hit the gym and start doing bjj or yoga or hiking or biking. Your wife is smart to stay fit and work on her self. It'd be worse if she joined a wine club and was partying every night. That being said
Watch her. I've known several guys who's wives started hitting the gym hard and started fucking other dudes

Stand up for your hobbies and lifestyle but also appreciate hers.

I'd get into counseling ASAP and try to squash these issues. Her trying to be the boss is annoying my ex wife was like that.

Ask to go to yoga with her IMO or do your own yoga class.

Who makes more $$ you or her ?

Any other red flags ?

Don't kid yourself a woman can cheat pretty easy. This gal I use to know would stop by for 15-30 minutes and fuck and smoke a bowl and then leave. Idk she was married so don't fool yourself bro
I think you are pry ok but what you said would raise 2 red flags with my brain.
1. Her being a bitch
2. Her being a yoga / fitness freak = more attention from males, more confidence and sex drive

It's not the gym; it's what you eat. You wanna fix this, or keep lying to yourself?

Sex 3-4 times per year... My marriage would never last with this happening alone. We average more than that a week and there is no way we could last 3 years with that sort of infrequency.

Sounds rough but yes, maybe put some effort into your physical- it is important.

My relationship is so much different than yours it's hard to relate here. Never had the hardships of pulling half a mil ( that sounds sarcastic) but you guys have been through a lot. Hard to say.

Look deep and really decide if you want to be with you're wife-regardless of the kids etc... If yes put in the work- starting with yourself. Going to be a long road - go to counselling etc. If no then move on, simpler than your probably making it in your head. Phone Post 3.0

LordSeano - You said you are at your almost fattest.

Put it this way. If this was a woman posting a thread that said,

"After 14 years of marriage I'm as fat as I've ever been. My husband has taken up sports and is now big into physical fitness. He doesn't want to have sex with me any more. I'm a good mum but I don't understand what I'm doing wrong"

We'd all know what the advice would be.

Why don't you make an effort for your wife physically? Make yourself attractive to her again Phone Post 3.0
effort for himself, not his wife. she's not fulfilling her widely duties. this guy should get in shape, so when women start looking she'll realize she's replaceable.

ungrateful cunt needs to be put in line. sex only 5 times a year? the fuck? she has no bargaining power if she's not giving you sex. so you need to give her a small allowance, not let her have unlimited swiping sprees. your house your rules . check your bitch man Phone Post 3.0

I make more always have. No other red flags. If it was as easy as deciding to change my eating habits and doing it i would have long ago. Phone Post 3.0

Also dude you sound the opposite of alpha.

You moved her away from her family because of your failed career.

Despite the fact that she is independent and working in a job she is passionate about, heathy and a positive influence you view it as a thing to bitch about rather than encourage and would rather she works along side you as your employee spending effectively 24/7 under your watchful eye

You act paranoid about her looking at shirtless guys? Lol all women look at attractive men same way all men look at attractive women. That's nature and a real alpha will laugh it off and give his wife a damn good seeing to that night so she knows what's up

You dun goofed and you need to sort it out quick smart Phone Post 3.0

Start reading "Married man sex life primer" yesterday.

I mean it. Get that book now.

And as soon as you're done with that get "No more Mr nice guy" and then "when I say no I feel guilty".

Boom - I just changed your life for the better.

Seriously. Go read.

Now. Phone Post 3.0

RGJuJitsu - I make more always have. No other red flags. If it was as easy as deciding to change my eating habits and doing it i would have long ago. Phone Post 3.0

Your a 01er and like myself were getting old bro. You can't eat like your 17 anymore.

Try to do the paleo diet. Try to go as long as possible from 7pm at night until the next day. Like 7pm to noon at first and eat chicken & broccoli. Then eat again at 6-7 something healthy. Repeat

After a week or two get rid of that 2nd meal a couple times a week.

Then add walking or bike riding every day and do your weights and add bjj or yoga or something.

Sex 6 times a year or less ? I must of missed that ughh Red flag # 3

I'm one of the few guys who's big but with the skills to get women. Not that it's been a lot or of super high quality (no 9.5)but I've never had a problem getting women. I know I need to lose weight, I want to get the surgery to help. There are big guys that are the leaders in their social circle and I am one of them. For all the guys ragging on me I get it, but wait until life kicks you in the nuts a little. Thanks for the positive advice. Phone Post 3.0

TwoFatNuts - Start reading "Married man sex life primer" yesterday.

I mean it. Get that book now.

And as soon as you're done with that get "No more Mr nice guy" and then "when I say no I feel guilty".

Boom - I just changed your life for the better.

Seriously. Go read.

Now. Phone Post 3.0
Read it already, she's not dealing well with me standing up for myself. Phone Post 3.0

rhino x2 -
RGJuJitsu - I make more always have. No other red flags. If it was as easy as deciding to change my eating habits and doing it i would have long ago. Phone Post 3.0

Your a 01er and like myself were getting old bro. You can't eat like your 17 anymore.

Try to do the paleo diet. Try to go as long as possible from 7pm at night until the next day. Like 7pm to noon at first and eat chicken & broccoli. Then eat again at 6-7 something healthy. Repeat

After a week or two get rid of that 2nd meal a couple times a week.

Then add walking or bike riding every day and do your weights and add bjj or yoga or something.

Sex 6 times a year or less ? I must of missed that ughh Red flag # 3
Thank you Phone Post 3.0

RGJuJitsu - I work out 3x week, want to get gastric bypass been a life long problem Phone Post 3.0


You work out 3x per week... well that has to be at least 900kcal burned per week - that's almost a full meal! Keep up the good work!! You'll be there in no time!



 



But seriously. You need some tough love and Seano is giving it to you. You're fat, unhealthy, barely work out, and instead of taking responsibility for what you put in your mouth you're talking about getting a fucking surgery so you don't have to make any changes yourself?



 



Have some self respect, some self discipline, and realise that your gym bunny yoga teaching veggie wife is human, and isn't attracted to fattness, which is normal. Sort yourself out, sort your diet out, and get in shape.



 



You can do this mate. Take some responsibility.