For a few years now i have some sort of anxiety or uneasiness about going into a BJJ gym. I have had a few intro classes and there is a gym i actually do like and would like to start training at. The thing is i struggle with the motivation/strength to walk through the door. I feel like all eyes are on me (which as the new guy im sure they are). I have some friends who train and when they basically hold my hand through the class its ok... until the next time they dont go.
Anyone else deal with this? Im in my late 20's and i have a job that forces me to speak in public and build relationships but something about going into a gym where im a know nothing and dont know how to conduct myself just makes me nauseous. Any tips or personal stories that may help are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for responding. I guess i need to think of it more as a class rather than a sport? Instead of feeling embarassed i should focus on the learning experience...
I finally have the financial means to be able to go to a gym. Its probable time for me to find my balls and just jump into the pool.
Hopefully you go to a cool, welcoming gym. We always try have at least someone say hello with a smile to anyone new that comes in. And it it's your first couple of classes, I don't see anything wrong with sharing a little bit of this (probably not all the details...lol) with either the head instructor, or an upper belt.
Just tell them you are very interested in learning the sport, but are a bit uneasy about how classes go. If you did that at our gym, you'd be made to feel at home and accomedated easily.
People are for the most part interested in themselves not others. Think about it...you are the only person worried about what you are doing.
Just stepping in the gym is a victory imo. You are going to get your ass kicked, no doubt about that, but keep coming back and eventually you will be the one kicking ass.
FTR, it is not all eyes on the new guy in my gym at all. I mean, he is closely watched by the instructors and generally teamed up with a higher belt to do some light drilling when everyone else is rolling. Basically, just going in the door is the hard part.
You walk in my gym and you will be coddled like a baby animal or something for your first few classes.
I can relate.
When I started at my academy, I was scared to walk in. It's why I delayed it for literally 5 years and I now kick myself for it. It takes balls, especially when you see intimidating looking higher belts outweighing you by 50-100 lbs. It goes away once you find a consistent rhythm to attending class and honestly, I have found the scary looking brown belts to be some of the most welcoming and helpful.
If it's the rolling that causes anxiety, don't do the open mat portion of class. Just the warm up and technique. Ask someone to drill the moves of the day with you until you're comfortable. Form allies with your teammates, you're all just helping each other grow, really.
Awesome stuff!Nice to know im not the only one that has dealt with this. Im gonna take all this advice and try to apply it. I like the idea of approaching the head instructor and at least letting him know that im a bit apprehensive about training, I look forward to his expression when he sees how big i am. It is a battle with myself that i have to overcome. Time to believe what i hear "Its fun and so are the people".
I really do enjoy BJJ, love watching matches and following up on current events. Id like to make this into a hobby i can appreciate as well. I havent had anything to enjoy outside of work since college. Thanks for the advice and stories.
A few questions:
How do you feel AFTER class? Do you consistently feel a certain way after class?
Are you in a position of authority in most other aspects of your life?
How was school- high school/college? Could this anxiety be from something deep from your experience in a schooling/student environment? 
I wrestled for many years, in front of many people. I never had anxiety all through school. After I began work is when I developed social anxiety, left untreated it can cause stress and depression (and vice versa). It is serious and should be addressed as such.
I would typically self medicate in social setting, ie, get drunk, and that causes more problems. If you really have this much anxiety dealing with just walking through the door, I would talk to your doctor.
BJJ has helped me get rid of a lot of these issues, because the nature of the environment. Any type of physical activity will be instrumental in building self confidence, which relieves anxiety in any task. A psychologist told me once, also a 3rd Dan in TKD, that most days he didn't feel like going to class, but he NEVER regretted going and always felt better after (mentally). If you can convince yourself you will feel better after, it's easier to force yourself to go.
If you need any other advice feel free to ask.
DarthChoke - A few questions:<br><br>How do you feel AFTER class? Do you consistently feel a certain way after class?<br><br>Are you in a position of authority in most other aspects of your life?<br><br>How was school- high school/college? Could this anxiety be from something deep from your experience in a schooling/student environment? <img src="/images/phone/apple.png" alt="Phone Post" border="0" style="vertical-align:middle;"/>
-I feel good after class (i have only had 3, 2 intro and i went back to the one i enjoyed a second time accompanying my friend)But i feel good. I feel like i got a good work out and did something worthwhile with my time. But the next day i go through the same wave of anxiety leading up to another class. So i just stopped. I dont feel good about stopping but i was able to make excuses for why i didnt have the time or money. I dont have those excuses anymore. Its just me i have to overcome.
-Yes, i would say im in a position of authority in most aspects of life. Im the head of my department at work (Corporate Travel Management) and i have a pretty loud personality with my friends.
-High School and College were very easy and you could say my golden years. High School i was a star baseball player and eventually went to a Div. 1 college on a scholarship. I ended up tearing my labrum my Junior year playing in Canada and that was the end of it. After that i did well with confidence and social settings. BUT it is a little similar to Sugarfoot's experience. I never had any of this anxiety until i got into the real work world. Not bagging groceries at Safeway for the summer but a real career. Now i find that i dont enjoy going out on weekends in large groups, and trying new things where i dont know many people just makes my skin crawl. Like i said i do good building new relationships in my job. And i have to. But something about walking into a gym where all i am is a guy that reads and watches videos makes me feel inadequate? Maybe thats not the right word.
I need to take this one day at a time. Or maybe more accurately "one class at a time". Im glad there are some people who can share that they have had the same feelings and been able to overcome them. Next week im going to just contact my friend and let him know that i want to start again. But this time i think i will try to make it more of a learning experience for myself as well as trying to build relationships within the gym. I think it could become easier for me if i had some friends or people i enjoy training with inside the gym. Eventually making it a more welcoming place to me.
Sorry for the FRAT
Look at this as a test.
Once you push yourself to go by yourself, continue to do so, and become better at BJJ to the point where people are complimenting you of your ability, you will slowly feel this wave of confidence and control of your state of mind. Ride that wave to it's full extent and it will make you confident enough to feel as if you can do anything in life as you have something extra to pride yourself with and look at other men differently in the sense that you are no longer intimidated or fearful of anyone... other than the higher ranked belts, of course :)
I think the anxiety might come from - other than being new to something and meeting a whole new group of people being an overwhelming experience - that you are someone of status at your job and that status does not mean anything when it comes to the BJJ/combat... everyone is all the same on the mat. might just be digging in too deep, though D:
^solid advice bomb right there John
I think that a big part of the anxiety is expectations of yourself. Obviously you have had success in most aspects of your life. This is one of those times when you are uncertain if you will do well or not. At the beginning, you will likely not be successful in the big scheme of things. You may eventually tap a white, a blue, beat a purple on points, etc. All of these will small steps will build self confidence and relieve the anxiety. The comradery of a good school will also give you a pack mentality. When you start to have doubts or worry, use self talk to put those thoughts out of your head. I feel for you, this really is an illness, but anyone can overcome it with work. Quitting anything just makes you a quitter.
I agree with John, go to class by yourself or roll with someone you've never met in class. Eliminate the "spaz" from your list of rolling partners and only roll with people better than you (for now). There is a thread on Atama Ground called, "whats the best advice you can give a white belt". Great read on starting classes for the first time.
Hey man - I understand where you are coming from and as the other posters have mentioned, once you start learning and proving yourself in the mat (not by besting the best, but my improving relative to your skill level now) your confidence will soar.
I had an okay experience in a smaller gym in a smaller city. A year later, did the research when I moved to Toronto and decided on TBJJ. I went all the way there but didn't go in - I walked by and around the corner - I had convinced myself that it would be horrible and that I wouldn't fit in. I actually almost turned around and went home.
Then I mentally smacked my inner bitch and got myself together and went in. Honestly walking through the door really is one of the hardest parts.
A year later here I am, having done 3-6 hours of BJJ a week without missing more than a few. Also now have competed in 3 different tournaments.
Jump in man, you won't regret it.
Tell yourself you are not obligated to go, but rather will decide once you have gone outside and the car is started.
Headkicker84 -
I look at it as a fight between me and my anxiety. Every time I go into the gym, the fight is on. After class I feel 100 times better, and regardless of how I did, I'm the victor that day because I didn't let anxiety get the best of me.
well said
I had a no stripe whitebelt say to me before "I always feel nervous before class. When does that go away?"
I answered that for me, after 10+ of training it is still there everyday. Every time on the mat I have to overcome that aversion and carry on anyways. I am about to be tested by a determined opponent and my body and brain are telling me to pay attention and be sharp.
When people talk about character development through martial arts - this is the type of thing that I think of.
Ask yourself, "Which is more terrifying? Failure or regret?" - Nate Quarry
Ive been in many training enviornments and I can tell you the new guy gets respect for showing up day after day not for how he is performing while there. Just keep going in, it will get easier.. Higher belts should be making it easier on you.. I go out of my way for new guys at our school. Making them feel welcome, and included.
Just to add on a thought. I have never had to really deal with social anxiety but from a perspective of someone who trains regularly I like new people (as long as they are pleasant). If I see a new face I may not run over right away but I will always try to meet them and roll with the at first. I love BJJ and I want others to love it, so I look at a new person as an opportunity to introduce someone to something that has really blessed my life and will almost certainly bless theirs. I always try to encourage people to come for 6 months no matter what. I tell them after 6 months you will feel like you have an idea of what you are trying to accomplish. You will not be able to accomplish it but you will know where you what to go. So I would pick a date 6 months from now and put it on a calendar or a reminder on your phone. Tell yourself that in 6 months you will have a basic idea of the main positions and at least the positions that you don't want to be in. Those 6 months will pass by anyways whether you are grappling or not see what you can do with them.