ATTN: Disbelievers/Chelsea fans

Lets Play a game of "Wheres Scholesy"

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Bless him.


When you're done here can we play "Where's Oba?"

Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins has gone AWOL from the club, according to reports in the north-east.

The Newcastle Evening Chronicle says that the Nigerian striker declared himself unfit to face Watford on Sunday despite the club's medical staff being unable to diagnose a problem.

A source told the newspaper: "On Sunday morning he did not have a fitness test but declared himself unfit. He said that he had no intention of going to Vicarage Road, even though he was ordered to by the coaches as he was still a member of the squad and everyone should stick together.

"As a result, Martins did not go to Vicarage Road. He did not fly back with the team and at this moment in time nobody knows where he is."

One player who did fly back with the squad was Charles N'Zogbia, although he was removed from his place on the substitutes' bench.

The French midfielder was apparently caught texting in the middle of a team talk from caretaker boss Nigel Pearson and Lee Clark.

The report also suggests that both Kieron Dyer and Michael Owen will leave this summer as sweeping changes are made at St James' Park following Sam Allardyce's arrival.

Good times. Up NORF!