Just fired up my old laptop and found this story. Pretty funny read, so have some laughs, OG!

When I finally entered high school, I attended freshman orientation. The cheerleaders lead the groups, and that's where my story begins. My group is lead by a fine Junior. Very petite (probably barely over 100lbs) with some big ol' titties. Very good looking girl. I'm just a skinny young faggot, rocking the emo bang and tight clothes, but this girl takes a liking to me. At the time she was dating some big shot on our baseball team. He was a senior and easily twice my size.
After awhile, the interests between the cheer leader and I blossoms into something more as she and her jock boyfriend break up. We start dating and she takes my virginity. It was terrible, and I will take the blame for that. I could not feel through the condom and had no rhythm. Eventually I caught my stride by following the beat of a song on the radio, but it was still terrible... (That has nothing to do with the story really, but whatever!)
So the jock is butt hurt that I "stole his girl" and I am constantly on the verge of getting into fights with the seniors. It kind of sucked because these guys had been athletes for years and consistently lifting weights, so I was dwarfed even by their smallest man. I gave no fucks. I slayed my new found pussy and stood my ground as if it were my life I was defending. (I suppose in a way I was, as the pussy became my life…)

So me and the cheerleader have been dating for awhile and exchanged I love you. I'm a ride or die kind of guy, so I won't deal with any disrespect dealt towards either of us! One night my friends and I are drinking beer, playing pong for the first time. There was me (very skinny, lanky), my friend Dwayne (short and fat, big talk, no action), Dwayne's friend Mikey (Similar to Dwayne), my friend Kaleb (junior, big kid, big softie), and my friend Michael (biggest pussy I've ever met). We invite a girl we know over and she brings the SKOL vodka. We run out of beer, feel tough, and start playing vodka pong.
We're all annihilated. My cheerleader girlfriend calls me up and she is also drunk, crying her eyes out. Apparently her ex called her up and chewed her out because he was bitter, but the thing that peeved me was that he relentlessly called her a bitch. I'm drunk, young, hung, dumb... It’s on. I make her give me his number and I call him the set up the fight. Of course he is a total faggot about it and pushes all my buttons. He says he is out at a party approximately 10-15 miles away and I am welcome to come get my ass kicked. WELL HE UNDERESTIMATED EXACTLY HOW FAR I AM WILLING TO GO.

Now, my and my friends are all young and without cars or even a license to drive. My friend Kaleb has a car and license, but he is far too drunk to help. We were drinking at Dwayne's house and his Mom takes heavy medication and passes out hard by 8. She wouldn't wake up if the house was on fire. We decide that we should steal her car and drive to the house party to defend my cheerleader girlfriend's honor. I'm fucking pumped up, so I take the wheel and we're off! My friend Michael stays behind because as I said before, he's the biggest pussy ever.
So I'm driving while my friend are receiving directions and simultaneously talking shit. Eventually, after hopping a few medians amongst other retarded driving maneuvers, we arrive to the party. There are approximately 30-40 kids that want to fuck the 4 of us up. I'm amped up after stealing a car and chugging vodka, so I power slide this fucking car into the party like a badass. Only it's not very badass and I accidently power slide straight into a ditch. So my group and the group that want to fucking murder us come together to help get the car out and eventually we do. There is no damage done, thank God...

continued in next post

So I continue with this badass adrenaline rush and push my way through the crowd, looking for this fucking senior who dared to disrespect my lady. We meet up face to face and his friend (who is probably a closeted homosexual at this time) lays down some ground rules and tells us to shake hands. I oblige because fuck it, we lock right hands.
I ask him, "So you called my girl a bitch, huh?"
He responds, “No, I didn't say that. You said it."
WHAT THE FUCK!? That pushes me over the edge and as I release my shake, I shove him back with my left, and then come forward with a power right straight into his stupid fucking face. He is stunned right off the bat and it is on. He's trying to grab onto me as I relentlessly drop overhand rights into his dome. Every single one lands, and every single one wobbles him even more than the last. Finally his legs give out, but he falls forward onto me and knocks me down. Quick scramble, I'm on my back, he's on his knees... He is crawling towards me to take mount, but I counter by kicking forward and stomping him in the face. He flies back as I get up and run into a mount and continue with my right handed assault. Every single punch lands and he is done. After a minute, his friends pull me off and say it's done. Sweet!
During our scrap, my 3 friends are on the side trying their best to defend me. Random girls and guys are kicking and punching me as I fuck their friend up. Surprisingly, Mikey and Dwayne hold their own (but I think Mikey was holding some blunt object), but poor Kaleb was too drunk. He squared up to fight, fell down, and caught some boots/fists to the face that remain bruised and swollen for days after.
Anyways, I easily won this fight and we're about to get back into our stolen car to leave when the "ROUND TWO!" chants begin. Fuck it. The first round was easy enough, let's go. Sadly, the adrenaline dump and vodka destruction caught up with me and I wasn't as successful. The senior immediately gets me down into a full mount and gives his best impression of ground and pound. I'm fine on bottom, defending nearly all shots, but I'm too gassed to retaliate.
The senior tries dropping some gorilla type hammer fists onto my face as I attempt to dodge, but a few sneak through and his class ring begins to mark my face. This entire time he is letting out some wild wolf like howls. I'm laughing on the bottom as he screams with every strike. Suddenly, my friends pull me out from the bottom and it's over. My mouth and throat are completely dried out and I am drunk as fuck. They throw me into the back of the car, Dwayne takes the wheel, Kaleb becomes my nurse, and we're off once again.
We're all fucked up beyond all recognition (from the booze) and Mikey says, "DON'T DIE ON ME, MATT!" I wasn't going to die.... but my mouth/throat was too dry to talk, so I just laid there in the backseat and tried to drink my water. Kaleb joins in with Mikey and they both begin to cry and beg for my safety. Dwayne joins in. Finally, I join in. We're all wasted, somewhat beat up, driving down the highway in a stolen car without licenses, and crying our eyes out.

We made it home with no issues. Dwayne's Mom never found out we took the car. I did have to admit to my parents what happened since my face was fucked up, but luckily they weren't mad(I did not mention how we got there). Maybe they were proud I defended my girlfriend's honor, who knows?
I popped a blood vessel in one of my eyes, had some scrapes from the class ring, and minimal bruising. No big deal for me. The senior had the left side of his face completely swollen and bruised, and even tried to wear makeup to conceal the truth. The consensus is that I won the fight, but I'm sure some people may disagree.
At the end of the day, I was proud to stand up for my girl and for myself. I stood my ground and gained some respect around school. A few of the senior’s friends acted tough with me a few times, but nothing ever happened. I regret nothing. My penis was probably twice as big as his anyways, folded in half