Sparky the dog
Kyle: I just got the new Joe Moreira BJJ tape set.
Stan: Cool dude!! Let's watch it.
Kyle: Don't turn the sound up too loud or my mom will hear.
Cartman: Yea right, that's new! Kyle's mom always has bee up her ass.
Stan: What's your mom's frickin problem dude.
Kyle: I don't know, I told her I was going over to your house to practice BJ's with the guys and she washed my mouth out with soap and then gave me along lecture about it being a sin for men lay down with men.
Cartman: You WUSS! If I were you I would have said hey look MISSY get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and knit me a sweater.
[All laugh] Kyle: That's sick dude. Where is the damn VCR remote?
Stan: Cartman standup you fatass, I bet its caught in your butt cheeks like always. Cartman [standing up] - I'm not fat, I just big boned. [The remote falls out of Cartman's crack on to the floor]
Stan: I'm not touching that remote after it has been up Cartman's fat ass.
Kyle: Cartman, pickup the god damn remote and press play so we can watch the goddamn Moreira video.
Cartman: Fine guys, since I have the remote you guys are left with no choice but to RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!
Stan: Cartman, shut the hell up and press play.
[All four kids look intently at the TV screen as the video starts]
Kyle: Brazilians are coooool!
Cartman: My mom says I'm half Brazilian. [In his best Renzo Gracie impression] "Sooo what you gonna to dooo."
[2 minute opening concludes and Moreria starts to teach move after move]
Kyle: What the hell is this crap. I can't understand a word he says.
Stan: Turn up the sound, maybe that will help.
Kyle: I'm not touching the TV remote, remember we found it up Cartman's butt last week.
Cartman: Shut the hell up guys I'm trying to figure out what technique Moreira just taught
Kyle: I think he said he was going to show us how to "ass the gourd."
Kyle: Sick dude, who the hell would want a gourd up their ass. No wonder he teaches you how to defend against this.
Cartman: Hey, speaking of gourds up the ass, here comes Stan's little dog Sparky.
Stan: Shut up dude! I'm trying to figure out what Moreira just said.
Kyle: No way man. That's not physically possible.
Cartman: My mom said she once dated a guy from a travelling circus who could.
Stan: How come we never saw another set of tapes teach us how to defend against "wee on chest."
Kyle: This tape is making me really sleepy like the poppies from the Wizard of OZ. Sleeeeeeepy.
Cartman: Yea me toooo. . . ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.
Stan: Cartman, Kyle, guys wake up, the tapes not half done and we have 9 more to watch. Guys, [yawn] wake up, I paid good money for this, wake upppp . . .ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz.
[Tape ends and static fills the TV screen, Sparky the dog enters room and starts to lick Cartman's face]
Cartman [Half asleep]: Yes, Eric you are the coolest and best mannered boy I know. Why thank you Ms. Prissypants, I like you too. [Cartman fully awake now] Hey guys wakeup [Cartman pushes Kyle].
Kyle: Huh, what. I must have fallen asleep. Stan wake up, your dog is making sweet love to Kenny's leg.
Stan: I think Kenny might be dead, I think the tape bored him to death. [Rats come in to devour Kenny's corpse stealing the leg from Sparky].
Kyle: Oh my God, Moreira killed Kenny! You Bastard!
[Voice Over: Stay tuned, to next week's exciting episode of South Park to find out if Joe Moreira is really Kenny McCormick's father