“Don’t air your dirty laundry in public” - I completely agree with.
“A problem shared is a problem halved” - this is not quite as straight forward; if you share a problem in the wrong place with the wrong people, it can actually compound the problem and backfire in your motherfuckin’ face.
That being said, it’s the internet mang, unless one of you tech nerds IP searches me and runs a check, any ramifications from sharing this here should stay outside of the reservation.
So with that being said, the title line is taken from “True Romance”,
In this scene, immediately subsequent to it, a dudes gets murdered.
Disclaimer - I’m not going to murder anyone, period, mmmkay?
I intend to address my problem by another method entirely.
However, for the moment I’m left with a lingering problem that could cause a stable situation to turn to dog shit entirely.
You know that expression, “fight/flight/freeze”?
I was always of the “freeze” disposition; I took inordinate amounts of crap growing up from everyone, simply cause I was non-confrontational and didn’t have the nerve to stand up for myself, in addition to growing up in a “tough” environment and going to a high school that praised the “billy bad ass” personality style - I just ate shit constantly.
About 24 years old I moved abroad for work and to develop meaningful relationships with women (having left my friends, family, support network behind), I learned you damn well better be able to do something for them in bed.
A few years of self improvement later and I’m basically on my way to becoming a legit Casanova.
To “fight and fuck”, they’re categorized together for a reason:
I realized that pleasing a woman in bed is about all nerve impulses, i.e. the nervous system, nerve function.
And improving my nerve function to fuck women well, automatically made me a FAR more capable person, so suddenly I was standing up for myself, standing up to dudes everyone else was afraid of etc.
Fast forward to today, there’s this absolute scumbag in my area. I mean, this dude went to prison for stealing an old woman’s handbag, blind siding a dude with a rock across the back of the head then stealing from him, carrying weapons etc. - I’m talking an ever loving piece of shit, an exploitationist, a scumbag.
I’ve taken it to him over the past few years to keep him in line and normally he’s afraid of me.
However at the moment I’ve unfortunately fallen victim to an illness which requires me to take heavy sedative type drugs that basically weaken me, they weaken my nervous system.
This motherfucker is like a cock-a-roach, he smells weakness.
Now, normally I carry myself strong and confident and that’s enough to keep him in check (we cross paths all the time cause we both live in a small town), but currently my posture is less assertive cause my body is under the influence of heavy sedatives, I mean, I walk about like someone that’s sedated - not strong, capable, but somewhat more weak and vulnerable - and I’ve lost some muscle mass etc.
So today he tried to get in my face, probably make up for all the time I sonned him and sent him running off like a scurred little biznatch.
I had two choices:
- beat him the fuck down and get arrested and make a horrible scene
- accept that because of my current state I just lacked the ability to intimidate him like I normally do, bite that bullet, eat shit, put up with his “tough guy” facade and wait until my Dr gives me the all clear to stop taking these nervous system weakening drugs.
Normally the threat of violence shuts him down, but at the moment I don’t radiate any threat of violence.
Quite literally like I don’t “have the nerve” for it, cause my nervous system is trashed on sedatives at the moment.
It’s funny like that, jackals and cock-a-roaches, simply ensuring they feel the threat of violence prevents actual violence.