Changin' name o'me school, mate.


London, England - One of the United Kingdom's most notorious and popular "hard men", known to fans and critics alike as "Skelboy", intends to change the name of his wildly successful martial arts academy.

Opened only at the start of the year, "Next Generation" has already become both a place to learn deadly martial arts techniques and the center of controversy not seen since the infamous "Watergate" break-in. As Skelboy himself describes it:

"I come up w'the name 'Next Generation' while I were watchin' Star Trek an' havin' a wank. I got spunk on the screen an' while I were tryin' t'find some Mr. Sheen t'wipe it off I had one o'them ideas, an' that idea were t'call me school either 'Next Generation' or 'That Troi Bird's Baps'. I liked the second one better, mate, but I thought it might confuse the punters so I went w'the first instead.

Anyway, turns out that this yank poofter called Chris Brengan or somethin' has a school w'the same name. Who fuckin' cares, right? That's what I thought, mate, but then his bender friends start sendin' me them death threats on e-mail an' stuff, sayin' I 'copied' the name. I told 'em nobody owns the name an' that if they show up like they says they was gonna we could do it however they want, mate - blades or no blades, London style - but then they all shut up pretty sharpish. It's a good thing, too, 'cos I likes me stabbin' an' one time I knifed a bloke in the bum outside Stringfellows."

The trouble over the "Next Generation" name and brand identity refused to die, however, and returned soon after in a more sinister form. Using his power on the internet's largest MMA forum,, Skelboy rival and forum moderator Chris Brengan began to try and censor any posts relating to new "Next Generation" school, even those by respected professional fighter and acquitted terrorism suspect Leigh Remedios. This angered Skelboy and forum members alike, as many clear-thinking individuals saw it as an unfair use of Brengan's moderator powers.

"Brengan is a cunt, mate. He deleted me posts 'cos I made him look fuckin' stupid," says Skelboy. "All them steroids have eaten away his brain until he can't read proper like them kids what sniff glue. He come at me w'personal attacks but as a pro fighter an' businessman I know I got t'set one o'them examples for kids what don't have no parents an' can't afford shoes. If Brengan had his way then all them kids would threaten t'kill each other an' censor internet posts when they had a fallin' out, mate. I seen the facts, guv, an' violent crime has gone up in California since Brengan were born. I reckon we all know why."

Initially, Skelboy did his best to ignore the frequent personal attacks and threats of physical violence that came from Brengan and his supporters. However, after Brengan began to brag about abusing his unchecked moderator privileges, Skelboy was forced to take more extreme measures to resolve the issue.

"I'm gonna change the name o'me school t'shut them daft bastards up," he explains. "I got the idea when I were wankin' an watchin' that Cartoon Network, mate. I seen a program what had a flyin' car or somethin' an' one o'them gorillas or somethin'. I says 'this is crap, mate,' an' I were gonna change the channel an' see if there was a documentary about Sam Fox on' or somethin', but then I sees the name o'the cartoon an' it says 'Ghostbusters.' At first I thought maybe I was on acid or somethin', but I shut me eyes an' it were still there when I opened them.

I started t'get angry. I thought 'this isn't Ghostbusters, where's the fat bloke?' t'meself. I was gonna go outside an' get in a fight t'make meself feel better, but I decided t'look on the internet first. I downloaded a few pictures o'birds gettin' spunked on an' then I done one o'them google searches, an' I found out that the other Ghostbusters cartoon were called 'The REAL Ghostbusters.' I went out an' bashed someone anyway, but then I had an idea t'change the name o'me school an' stop all this hassle about it."

To this end, Skelboy has announced that his "Next Generation" School will be undergoing a name change to "The REAL Next Generation", effective immediately, to avoid confusion between his and Chris Brengan's martial arts academies.

"Now nobody will get mixed up," Skelboy says.

"The REAL Next Generation" has classes on every week day except Sunday, due to the various religious commitments of the owner, who can be contacted at for all relevant matters.

*picks nose and flicks booger*


Absolutely hilarious!

Skelboy you should be a writer my friend, you have a gift.

"Skelphony" is what I call it when I phone up a random number, wait an' see if it's a bird, then have a wank while she asks who it is an' acts confused.

glassjaw, I been workin' on me first book for a while. It's called "Bastard Quest" an' it's fuckin' ace.

Funny as shit. Skelboy is the UG's funniest poster.

However, he'd still get his skull kicked in by Chris Brengan, let alone Chris Brennan.

bwahahahaha, that's some funny ass shit!

awesome...hopefully this will end all the bad blood now...good luck skelboy with the name change

actually a press release is suposed to have a contact name and phone #.....but it gets the point across

Here's the gorilla skelboy was referring to:

ttt for The REAL Next Generation and Team Skelboy. LOL.

Gary Hughes

lol! this is classic! Skelboy needs a book deal

"idea were t'call me school either 'Next Generation' or 'That Troi Bird's Baps'. I liked the second one better, mate, but I thought it might confuse the punters so I went w'the first instead. "

i laughed for a good ten minutes at that.

funny as fuk

an accent

Skelboy was the best.