I arrived late, dude, but not too late.  ArtV's crooked "daylight savings time" conspiracy couldn't stop Circlemania, the most powerful force in the pWf, from its date with destiny, dude.  The Squarester springs forward no matter what "the man" says.

I'll give you credit, Art man, you're a clever dude.  When His Honor, former Detroit mayor  Kwame Kilpatrick showed up with 20 strippers as lumberjacks, I knew something wasn't right, brother. It was bad enough trying to deal with your "Mitten State Mafia," dude. The dangerous Slapnutz, the maneater shootfightermike, and the master of the cranial fork, AC Slaters Mullet aren't the kind of dudes you want to find in a dark alley, man.

Every time the 900 lb Art V tossed me over the ropes, dude, those lumberjacks tried to chop me down like an oak tree, brother.  Thank God I had the spirit of Captain Lou on my side, man.  He told the Undertaker, man, and he told Nuckin Futs that something wasn't right.  When the deadman rolled in with Nuckin in his sidecar, your cowardly crew scattered, Art man.  That's Circlemania at work, bro.

Now that thing were even, we got down.  We fought all over the arena, man.  We bled alll over the millions of Circlemaniacs in attendance dude.  We fought in the streets, man, stopping only to hand out candy to trick-or- treating Circlemaniacs, brother.  We fought alll the way down to the fateful Bell Isle Bridge.

One thousand double axe-handles, dude. Art V crushed me to the pavement.  Double axe handles and polish hammers,  I was blacking out, man.  I was reaching out a hand for someone to help me, dude.  Then I heard the chants, brother.  A billion Circlemaniacs in their Halloween costumes chanting my name.  I started circling-up when I heard those maniacs, brother.  Then the heavens opened up, man, and I saw the face of Captain Lou.  He said "this is your destiny, Squarester."

Art V made a mistake, bro.  He climbed the railing on Bell Aisle to deliver a flying double axe handle.  That was my chance, brother.   I took him from the railing, dude, and lifted him high over my head.  1000 pounds 61000 posts held high over the Squaresters head.  Then Captain Lou said "it's a casket match, Squarester, and this ain't WCW so you have to follow the rules of the match to win."

Just then, dude, I heard the roar of a Harley engine.  The Undertaker, brother, the dead man rode up dragging a casket behind him.  I dropped the giant Art V into that casket full of spiders and snakes with the force of a nuclear bomb, dude.  I slammed the lid shut, brother, and then lifted the casket into a firemans carry.  I F-Ued that casket over the railing, man,  into the filthy river below.

I sent ArtV down the river, brother.  Referee Danny Davis reluctantly raised the Squaresters hand, dude, and gave me my belt... Circlemania's belt, dude.

Even though we were outside, confetti started falling from somewhere, man.  It was beautiful.