Crazy military stories thread

Title says it all. I know we have a few OGer vets. I'd like this thread to be fun, recounting stupid shit we did as Joes in basic or garrison or even deployment. We all did some crazy things, what you got?

Most of the military guys I know pretty much just tell stories about hookers and sluts

It was our second night home from our 15 month tour in Iraq. We had a lot of partying to catch up on. A bunch of us hit the local bar and get shit faced drunk. I'm doing shots of patron all night and me, one of my infantry men and his fiancée close the place out. As we're in the parking lot a murdered out 300 comes  whipping around the corner and hits my boys girl. The driver gets out of the car, big fat wannabe gangsta and proceeds to curse her out for denting his ride. He then grabbed her hair, punched her and threw her down. I saw red and and the rage from the deployment coursed through me and I sprinted from my car and haymakered the dude knocking him out. His homie in the passenger seat grabs my neck and points a pistol at me. I started laughing at him (in hindsight I was an idiot) and calling his bluff saying he won't do shit in front of all these people. I managed to get an elbow across the bridge of his nose and break it when the 3rd dude in the backseat snuck me to my eye with his ring on cutting my badly. I tackled him to the ground  started punching his face when the cops got there. The 3 guys were arrested (for reference we're in Texas) and the coil asked me if I needed medical attention. I told him I'm a medic and chicks dig cars. He lets me drive home. The girl gets in my car and we leave. Her fiancée immediately gets into a wreck and gets arrested. We get back to her place and she's a nurse so between the 2 of us we patch up my eye. She throws herself at me talking about how my friend hasn't touched her since we've been back which was close to 50 hours by this point and how he just froze and didn't do a thing while I was the one defending her. I turned her down out of respect for my friend only to find out when I got back from leave he was beating her. Him and I had a huge falling out and then the girl left him and we started fucking. Good times. Still have the scar on my eye. 

 

FRAT: Drunk after deployment. Fought 3 thugs had gun on me. Got an awesome scar and fucked a chick

sicko - Most of the military guys I know pretty much just tell stories about hookers and sluts

Lol that's accurate. Never got a hooked myself though. Never found it hard to get laid

More please!

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MIIJ?

Anyone ellse got some? I have hundreds

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I was forced to eject from my fighter on a routine training flight. The aircraft entered a flat spin. My RIO was killed during the ejection after impacting with the canopy. Navy board of injury found that the spin was caused by disruption of airflow into the starboard engine by my wingman's jetwash...

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Fahqhard -
theINFAMOUScarpe -

It was our second night home from our 15 month tour in Iraq. We had a lot of partying to catch up on. A bunch of us hit the local bar and get shit faced drunk. I'm doing shots of patron all night and me, one of my infantry men and his fiancée close the place out. As we're in the parking lot a murdered out 300 comes  whipping around the corner and hits my boys girl. The driver gets out of the car, big fat wannabe gangsta and proceeds to curse her out for denting his ride. He then grabbed her hair, punched her and threw her down. I saw red and and the rage from the deployment coursed through me and I sprinted from my car and haymakered the dude knocking him out. His homie in the passenger seat grabs my neck and points a pistol at me. I started laughing at him (in hindsight I was an idiot) and calling his bluff saying he won't do shit in front of all these people. I managed to get an elbow across the bridge of his nose and break it when the 3rd dude in the backseat snuck me to my eye with his ring on cutting my badly. I tackled him to the ground  started punching his face when the cops got there. The 3 guys were arrested (for reference we're in Texas) and the coil asked me if I needed medical attention. I told him I'm a medic and chicks dig cars. He lets me drive home. The girl gets in my car and we leave. Her fiancée immediately gets into a wreck and gets arrested. We get back to her place and she's a nurse so between the 2 of us we patch up my eye. She throws herself at me talking about how my friend hasn't touched her since we've been back which was close to 50 hours by this point and how he just froze and didn't do a thing while I was the one defending her. I turned her down out of respect for my friend only to find out when I got back from leave he was beating her. Him and I had a huge falling out and then the girl left him and we started fucking. Good times. Still have the scar on my eye. 

 

FRAT: Drunk after deployment. Fought 3 thugs had gun on me. Got an awesome scar and fucked a chick

Sooo u got jumped and yiur boys just watched u? Hmm

No. If anything I jumped them. I only got hit once, my eye. But yeah my friend at the time didn't do shit. He froze once the gun was pulled and took off in his Jeep

Being a medic was fun, especially when it came to pranks. Many fun times were had with some of my equipment. One time not so fun but in retrospect it's hilarious. I'll share. 

We were day on 14 of a16 day long operation. I had just been by 2 IEDs that day, small but sucked. And another one of our Bradleys were destroyed with 7 of my guys injured and needing evac. It was a shitty day. Well that night as well took a house set up an OP for the night I was prepping my CCP when one of the Iraqi soldiers I had to frequently treat needed his insulin and BP checked. Now for those of you who don't know, once you give an iraqi anything be prepared for everyone wanting the same thing or more. I was frequently giving out all my Motrin and Tylenol. And like clockwork here comes the horde begging me for everything. I gave them all laxatives, a bunch of them. And about an hour later had then all crying Mister why and shitting their brains out. They left me alone the remainder of the mission

Basic training there was this girl in my sister flight that was just unreal on the eyes. Even w no makeup and nasty ass hair. Well anyways I was that young idiot at 20 years old that figured you know what, im gonna give it a shot. So started out with a quick note that I snuck to her. Then progressed with finding more unique ways to pass actual full blown letters back and forth to each other. So here we are 6th week and we are at "beast week" and I figured my only shot to try and make a move. We arrange a meet up late at night when everybody is sleeping. I end up getting a blowy, but get caught the next day bc the dorm chief of her flight ratted us out. I've never been fucked with more in my life after that. Cadres. All the TIs destroyed me. Somehow I didn't get recycled weeks back. Looking back on it now, I would have fucked her instead. Lol. 

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