A thread on this forum started to remind me of some crazy shit I have seen throughout the years in BJJ. Some of it is pretty funny and some if it is kind of nasty.
A guy with such bad oral hygiene that his gums start to bleed when he was put in the traingle choke.
A guy decided that "no gi" meant that he could grapple in his underwear.
A guy felt it was OK not to wear underwear under his gi pants and pinned me in north/south. I felt penis on the side of my lip and wanted to tap out to get him off of me, however, I refused to tap because I was a blue belt and he was a white belt.
A guy was cheap and didn't want to buy a gi, so he just wore sweat pants and karate gi top. When students were practicing a guard pass in which you grab the pants and flip your opponent over, his pants and underwear came off and he was hanging naked upside down.
A guy had such jagged toe nails which he did not clip. The toe nails actually scraped the shins of his opponent so bad when rolling that it looked like Wolverine from the X-men and clawed 4 lines down both of the opponent's shins. His opponent refused to tap or stop rolling even though he was getting clawed because he was a blue belt and they guy with nasty toe nails was a white belt.
There was a guy who had a mole on the side of his jaw that was so big and fuzzy, it was like a piece of velcro. No one wanted to do collar chokes on him because they didn't want him to dip his chin and touch the velcro mole.
My wife once rolled with a guy who had such bad breath that she immediate ran to the bathroom after the round was over as she was about to throw up.
There was 180 lbs guy who was so weak that he tapped to a 12 year old girl when she put knee on stomach on him.
I know there's some more, but I'll have to think about it.
I remember a former student telling me about a guy who came to his BJJ class and wore a hakama in class. The guy rolled with the hakama on and started to pinch and twist his opponent's nipples in attempt to get his opponent to submit.
I have always heard stories of people who will come in wearing karate gi's and mullets and talking about how chi will protect them. Always thought it an urban legend till one day a guy came in to train. Long mullet, black karate gi, bb in kuk sool won. He claimed his mastery of chi had hardened his membranes so you couldn't armbar him.
Now all the guys were looking at him w/ a "WTF" look, but our coach smiled and rolled with him. Caught him in armbars and then would hold conversations with us while he struggled. Never did hurt him, he would let the armbars up and then switch to chokes before the guy would finally tap. Him trying to use pressure points to tap out our instructor was definitely funny as hell as well.
When I used to have a school, I had many weirdos walk through the door.
Had a lady who walking wearing a dress. She said she knew some "moves" and wanted to know if we could tell her what the moves meant. She then proceded to get into a horse stance and do some karate kata looking moves. After each move, she said, "What about this?" After doing her moves, she simply walked out.
A guy once walked in off the street wearing a red and black gi and a black belt. As soon as I saw that weirdo, I just want to the bathroom, hid, and let my wife handle that. He said he was looking for a job and said he was a black belt in some martial art. My wife told him that we only taught BJJ and cardio kickboxing, not the art that he did. He didn't seem to understand why we wouldn't give him a job.
We had a guy walk in wearing shorts and a t-shirt saying he wanted a job and that he was the grandmaster of some art. We told him that we weren't hiring and as he leaves, he yells something to us about Jesus. He comes back later and asks for a job again and we once again tell him that we aren't hiring. He tells us that he is actually a yellow belt in some art, but he is the grandmaster of some other art that he created.
In the middle of a class, a guy walks in and walks all the way to the back of the school to where the heavy bags were. Without saying a word to anyone, he starts to punch and kick the bags like crazy. I say to him repeatedly, "Excuse me! Hey, stop it!", but the guy just ignores me. The students are getting nervous as they think I'm going to have to kick someone's ass. He keeps on punching and kicking the bag and still without a word, he stops and walks out of the school.
We used to train with a guy called rachid, well his nick name was rashit.. Cause he smelt like it BADLY..
I have seen him at several gyms and the following happen.
1 Him mounting a guy and the guy starts screaming and taps out and runs away to the bathroom... And turns out he smelly dude drewled in the guys mouth,.
2 He made me puke when i was standing next to him and he pulled of his pants... After him telling that he smells REALY bad.. He says but everyone does.. Well not before training.
3 He always went hard the first 3 mins.. and than quit sparring with a shit excuse. In mma sparring a guy got so mad when he wanted to quit, so he shot in on him again.. And the smelly dude shat his pants.. Gues this time he realy needed to go the bathroom
4 Going to the bathroom, not washing his hands and rolling again..
I remember doing a private with some out of town visitor. Young chick 20 sumting.
Pilates instrucor/college student.. Anyway she wore no under wear either. And kept asking me to "try to pass her guard" and "I bet if I mount you you cant get me off" etc etc.
One of our funniest was a Karate Black belt, trained by some master who only trained him, and he was also BJJ purple belt training with Rickson on the internet. Our instructor was a new blue belt the rest of us were lousy white belts and we beat the cr*p out of him. He lasted a couple of weeks. The sad thing was that he probably could have been better than any of us if he would have trained hard.
We had a guy come brought into the class by the boxing coach from downstairs. Should have known . . . He sits around and claims he can't learn by practicing. At the end of class, he just wants to fight. He bum rushes me and I go to guard and then sweep n catch him in a choke. The next round (oops) he does the same and I catch him in an armbar. While waiting for him to tap, I decide not to break the "capsule" and let go. He jumps up and goes "boooaaaaa!, no armbar for you!!!!" After further conversation, we figured out he was mentally challenged at best. Never came back.
Guy showed up for class. Looked at the two heavy weight white belts and my (old) blue belt. Said he needed to go to his car to get his socks and then never came back.
Guy talked big about his cage fighting experience even though weighed about 140 at 6'3". He finally showed up for a class. Grabbed his wrist with a two hand grip and sat into open guard, swept him with bicept cutter sweep and pinned in side mount. He kept bridging. When asked why, he said that's what he does under side mount. Later, caught him in a choke. Before applying choke, I told him to tap before he went out. He said, "I don't tap."
After waking him up, I instructed him to tap in the future. After class was over, his girlfriend left him without a ride. He did not come to class after that. Two weeks later, I saw him getting out on bond on an alleged burglary. He wouldn't look at me in the courtroom.
"6. There was a guy who had a mole on the side of his jaw that was so big and fuzzy, it was like a piece of velcro. No one wanted to do collar chokes on him because they didn't want him to dip his chin and touch the velcro mole."
I remember there was this really weird guy who showed up for for his first class. During the technique part of class, he would just break out into laughter over things that weren't funny. That in itself was no big deal but after class we're all in the change room. It had this sink inside it and this guy walks right over to the sink and starts washing his dick with this fucken demented smile on his face. After the initial shock, the instructor threw his ass out and told him not come back. Everybody was pissed because we used that sink to drink water on occasion. Needless to say, we brought bottled water from that day forward.
I have some questions. Why did you hide from the weirdo in the red and black gi? I mean why make your wife handle him? LOL
Incidently I think it is so strange to walk around in board daylight and in public with a damn gi. We have a person in my school who does this. He is a great guy but every time I see him walk into the school with his gi on I just have to chuckle. I keep thinking of 8 years going to karate class.
Anyway, what's up with the 180lb guy tapping to a twelve year old girl?
That was no ordinary mole. It was about 1 inch in diameter. It also wasn't like there were a few hairs. The hair was thick and covered every inch of the mole like a piece of velcro.
m.g.
Whenever we saw weirdos, it was like a joke to see if one of us could hide and force the other to have to confront the situation.
The 180 lbs. guy who would tap to the 12 year old girl was a really nice guy, just not very tough. He would tap to things that weren't really legit submission holds. For example, if he was in your guard and you gave a light squeeze, he would tap. If you were in his guard and put your elbow in this inner thigh to open his legs, he would tap. In his first class, he rolled for 30 seconds and then tapped out from exhaustion.
There was a great story on the Australasian forum a while ago about two ninjas who visited a BJJ school for one of them to spar as part of his black belt grading. The other was a "master" in his early 20's.
Suffice to say the guy got comprehensively tooled by a succession of white belts, including a 12 year old boy. The kid said, when his father came to pick him up after class, "I choked out a ninja dad!"
Would be a much better story if told by someone who was there.