Is this a correct understanding of the Christian Faiths?

Catholic/Orthodox = Harvard/Yale

The Lutheran/Episcopalian/Methodist types = maybe a good state University

Evangelicals/Baptists/Pentacosts/Church of Gods = Community College

Mormon/Jehova = Order a degree via questionable website?

Correct or do I have it wrong?

and Jew/Islam = Born with the Old Testament trustfund

can any theologians tell me if this is an accurate summary?