I just started going to a gym where there are a few couples who train there. I couldn't even imagine finding a date during or after class. I do not look cute when gassed the f*ck out.
as long as you are not the owner there should be no problems. Now as long as people have respect and know that when on the mats they are to be civil then its all good. You are not telling students what they can and cannot do in terms of who they date as if you are a parent. You are a instructor for a art, not for their life, keep that in mind. Adults need to be adults.
One person always ends up leaving, so from a business prospective I would think most instructors should recognize it as a potential issue both financially for himself, as well as harmony and the energy of the gym.
I'm also aware people are going to bang, and it's bound to happen whether you make a "strict policy" or if it's openly accepted. (Not to mention, a majority of instructors out there most likely have hooked up with female students at one point or another, it's just reality and I guarantee if you've been training long enough you'll see it somewhere)
Given this, if a dojo relationship doesn't last then so be it. It'll either be an amicable break or not. The only problem is if they don't end it respectfully and there is unwanted tension in the gym, in that case both parties gotta go, unless 1 willingly leaves. 
I thought every BJJ Academy had that "one person" who was supposed to "date" all of the best competitors and maybe the instructor; before meeting someone outside the academy and moving on.....
;)
It's none of the gyms business unless they make it the gyms business.
The Tiger Man - Everywoman I've trained with is either a lesbian or actively seeking cock and they usually quit after getting it.This
I love how all you guys believe that just because you pay fees to an instructor that "deserves" payment, that the payment alone somehow voids all loyalty & respect that should naturally be given. Selfish stuff right there. One glaring problem in many gyms (& the world for that matter) is the absurd amount of selfishness each person shows. The training environment would be so much better if you focus on yourself just 80% of the time & your teammates/gym the other 20%. That 80% selfishness will still meet your needs, but that 20% (you could spare more) will help lesser partners improve, comradarie skyrocket, & foster a stress free environment for everyone.
As far as the dating thing ... I think you should try to avoid it. But, as long as you've put some thought into, and don't run in blindly at least you've made an effort to care about how it affects everyone else. With that said, our gym's lost students over it before.
SMACDADDY - I love how all you guys believe that just because you pay fees to an instructor that "deserves" payment, that the payment alone somehow voids all loyalty & respect that should naturally be given. Selfish stuff right there. One glaring problem in many gyms (& the world for that matter) is the absurd amount of selfishness each person shows. The training environment would be so much better if you focus on yourself just 80% of the time & your teammates/gym the other 20%. That 80% selfishness will still meet your needs, but that 20% (you could spare more) will help lesser partners improve, comradarie skyrocket, & foster a stress free environment for everyone.
As far as the dating thing ... I think you should try to avoid it. But, as long as you've put some thought into, and don't run in blindly at least you've made an effort to care about how it affects everyone else. With that said, our gym's lost students over it before.
" I love how all you guys believe that just because you pay fees to an instructor that "deserves" payment, that the payment alone somehow voids all loyalty & respect that should naturally be given. Selfish stuff right there"
I agree with you to an extent, but it depends on how the gym is operated. You can't have it both ways. I trained Judo at a small club run my a high school teacher. Great club, humble facilities, and he charged an absurdly small amount, like a per term basis (4 times a year). I, along with most other members, helped him with cleaning the mats, admin matters and so on. So he earned loyalty and respect, and the club members conducted themselves in kind.
Now I've trained at places that were run as a pure commercial entity; high fees, mandatory uniforms with patches (sold at a absurdly high margin), frequent seminars & competitions that were heavily pushed since the owner had heavy margins on those as well. AND the "family", "loyalty" card was played there. People were helping clean the mats, doing odd jobs like it was some backyard dojo. It was an utter absurdity.
As I said above, owners don't get to have it both ways. Loyalty is a two way street.
The Tiger Man - Everywoman I've trained with is either a lesbian or actively seeking cock and they usually quit after getting it.This
How the hell is this anyone other than the people involved business? If there's a break up they can deal with it like adults which presumably they are
I've seen some great relationships form from jiu jitsu and I've seen/heard of some freaking disasters. I know of a few gyms that basically broke apart over teacher/student romances/breakups. If you've ever been part of a gym that has drama related to breakups you'd understand how crappy it can be. Love triangles, when actual triangles are involved, can be tricky.
Its not the gyms place to impose a policy. But I hope that I continue to train at a place where it is not so "social" and people actually go there to pursue martial arts.
Every once in awhile new people will show up (guys and girls) and its kind of obvious that they are looking for a place to belong. It usually lasts a few months and then they are gone. (Its too hard if you arent there for the right reasons.)
Every intra-school relationship I have seen has been out-of-place on the mat and has ended badly with at least one person no longer training.
Synado -Joe Hoffer -
I thought every BJJ Academy had that "one person" who was supposed to "date" all of the best competitors and maybe the instructor; before meeting someone outside the academy and moving on.....
;)
How many academies have you moved on from :D
I know my rights. I don't have to answer that question! ;)
RobbieMorales - Im currently in a situation , id like some opinions
I am a Black belt Instructor / own an academy / Run a pretty good reputable place approx. 60-70 students/ family atmosphere / we all get along great/ assholes dont usually last or fit in .
ok , No real names to protect the innocent/ guilty
Guy #A We'll call him "Tito" begins dating a female we'll call her "Monica" / She trains once in awhile but her 6 year old son is a great competitor and her son has been there a few years.
She begin dating and move in soon thereafter,
Rocky relationaship/ alot of drama/ his MMA career is mediocre / struggles to make weight for fights/ lots of partying and womanizing.
Monica finally gets fed up and dumps him / dramatic break up/ she begs him back / he says no / he begs her back she says no / finally the dust settles.
During this break up time she begins talking to an MMA coach , we'll call him "Johnny" who uses my facility to train fighters after Jiu jitsu classes
Tito occasionally trains with this team but is inconsistant and rarely trains.
Long story short Johnny and Monica hook up / Tito is devastated ( I believe EGO more than anything / considers himself a local MMA hero with an Ammy record of 1-3 and a Pro record of 1-0.
Tito was always late to pay/ problematic/ called a Diva at the gym.
He calls me and tells me , I cant train jiu jitsu there if Monica and Johnny are associated with the academy/ I cant stand the sight of them and Its a huge distraction / they need to leave/ I explained the situation to him in simple terms/ break up was his fault/ what did they do TO ME to warrant me telling them to leave etc etc
well Johnny and monica are still there and many do not even know they are a couple/
Tito is somewhere training in Mexico and a star at a boxing gym
WTF?????? does anyone else have to deal with this shit!!!!
kick them both out?
your gym isnt monica's personal okcupid. What's gonna happen when monica & johnny dont work out & she moves on to the next guy thats in the gym.
ECM - How the hell is this anyone other than the people involved business? If there's a break up they can deal with it like adults which presumably they are
you mean like the adult who showed up to pablo popovich's school with a gun?
i have less faith than you do in expecting adults to act like adults
I think its the instructor's school so he can set up whatever rules he wants. If it's in the contract you sign then you agreed to the rules. My job made me sign a similar contract. But hey I could have gone somewhere else if I didnt agreed to it.
Coach at my school gives any cute females that walk in the door his "personal" attention. He never gives the same attention to the butch lesbo types though....funny that. They get the "honour" of training with him exclusively, while the less attractive women are treated like men. Happen anywhere else?
Tbh I think it's drove some of the women away since they never roll with the rest of us and are getting special treatment. We can all see what's going on.
^you get to do things like that once you've earned the black, bro.
raleigh - ^you get to do things like that once you've earned the black, bro.
Not a black :)
I dated a girl at my gym for awhile and we ended it amicably, started dating another newer girl and the new GF got jealous of the old and one night when sparring she went all out on her trying to hurt her. We broke them up and never had another issue after that. I married the second girl and we are still together after 27 years.