DIY cremation tips?

Okay, so I realize that I'm going to take some shit for this, but go easy on me as it's been a rough day. Also, FRAT warning -- skip to the end for tl;dr if you don't want to hear me explain my way out of having a pet bird.

When I was 13 I got a parrot. It started when I rescued an escaped African Grey and took care of it for a month until we found the owner. At that age it was the coolest thing in the world, so while I was bummed when it came time to give it up, I immediately took the $300 reward the guy gave me and bought a small parrot. Knowing what I know now and being an adult and all, I don't really feel like birds should be pets in most cases, but this guy was mine and all in all he was pretty cool and relaxed.

He made the move out to Minnesota from Seattle this year, and at the age of 14 I guess the dramatic climate change was just too much for him and he died this afternoon. The vet wanted $50 to chuck his body in the incinerator, and I just can't justify it. For one thing, it's a rip-off, and for another, it lacks nobility.

Burial is out, as the temperature is steady below zero here. As such, home cremation seems the way to go. The thing is, as dumb as it sounds, I loved that little fucker, so I want this to be thorough and clean. I'm not keen on having to douse the half-charred body of my little buddy in an effort to reignite him. I have a large yard and plenty of firewood, but to be honest I've never built a funeral pyre before.

Also, I live on a river that still has a couple spots that weren't iced over last I checked (thank you coal power plant!) -- I am open to a viking funeral so long as I can be relatively confident that it will do the job and completely dispose of the body.

TL;DR -- how do I cleanly cremate a parrot in my backyard?

I don't think a home BBQ or anything will get hot enough to do it yourself.

Put him in a bag, leave him in the shed. It's steadily below zero, so by the time he starts to thaw out, the ground will be soft enough to bury him

FYI

In most cases cremation requires a temperature of 1000 for an extended period of time.


You will likely require special equipment .


I wouldn't attempt it if you want to preserve any dignity in your pets memory. Phone Post 3.0

Laziest murderer ever Phone Post 3.0

Also for larger animals like dogs / cats / humans there is equipment that crushes the bones when they are heated like a pestle and mortar.

I think it's like a ball bearing crushing device because bone is that resilient.


However with a bird it may not be that much required. Phone Post 3.0

TFK_HowsYourLegAndy - FYI

In most cases cremation requires a temperature of 1000 for an extended period of time.


You will likely require special equipment .


I wouldn't attempt it if you want to preserve any dignity in your pets memory. Phone Post 3.0

Hmmm, good to know. How do the outdoor cremations in places like India work? Do they use an accelerant or just tons and tons of wood?

I guess I was hoping that whole process could be scaled down, but thinking about it more I can see how that would be problematic. I'm open to using whatever accelerant I can get without showing up on a watch list, but it would still probably be tough to get hot enough.

Sounds like waiting for the thaw might be the way to go.

One bump for the day crew.

Set your oven to 450, wrap the bird in foil, put it in for 4+ hours. It may take longer or shorter depending on its size but make sure you wrap it in the foil so the ashes don't get all over your oven. Phone Post 3.0

itswhitty -
TFK_HowsYourLegAndy - FYI

In most cases cremation requires a temperature of 1000 for an extended period of time.


You will likely require special equipment .


I wouldn't attempt it if you want to preserve any dignity in your pets memory. Phone Post 3.0

Hmmm, good to know. How do the outdoor cremations in places like India work? Do they use an accelerant or just tons and tons of wood?

I guess I was hoping that whole process could be scaled down, but thinking about it more I can see how that would be problematic. I'm open to using whatever accelerant I can get without showing up on a watch list, but it would still probably be tough to get hot enough.

Sounds like waiting for the thaw might be the way to go.
I'm not quite sure but I do know that even in modern cremation process that the high temp itself does not incinerate the bones it's simply breaks them down and hardens them enough to allow for a crusher to crush them to an ash like substance. Phone Post 3.0

beer batter

deep fry Phone Post 3.0

So, even though I'm starting to lean toward waiting until I can bury him, I'm still kicking around an idea.

It sounds like an open fire is out of the question as it probably won't get hot enough. I've got a 55 gallon steel drum and a leaf blower. If I was to fill the drum with wood and accelerant and use the leaf blower to force air into the fire (through a hole in the bottom of the barrel), it would get really fucking hot.

Is anyone else experienced enough with bad ideas put into action that they can give some insight into whether this could work?

You got any fireworks lying around? m-80s? or sparklers at least?


Rocket Stove.......

oh sorry about the bird but lol at thread title

Give the bird to my wife... based on last night's dinner she can take care of it. Phone Post 3.0

We creamated my dad that way.

 

http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Darth-Vader-Pyre-Return-of-the-Jedi.jpg

Forced air + fire = well over 1500F.

Use a hair dryer under the fire. Hell burn clean. Phone Post

50$ is so cheap Phone Post 3.0

jamesisgod - 50$ is so cheap Phone Post 3.0

It is, but it was really about principal. I was bummed about his death at the time, but it just didn't feel right to pay someone to essentially just throw his body away for me. There would have been no ashes returned or anything (that would have been $200), so for all I know they would have just tossed him in the dumpster and called it good. Not that it really makes a difference, but I don't know -- this guy was my buddy from the time I was a kid and I would have felt shitty paying someone else $50 just so I could wash my hands of it.

I was already feeling shitty enough that I somehow caused his death, so I guess I feel like I owe it to him to make sure that his cremation is as noble and badass as possible.

itswhitty - 
jamesisgod - 50$ is so cheap Phone Post 3.0

It is, but it was really about principal. I was bummed about his death at the time, but it just didn't feel right to pay someone to essentially just throw his body away for me. There would have been no ashes returned or anything (that would have been $200), so for all I know they would have just tossed him in the dumpster and called it good. Not that it really makes a difference, but I don't know -- this guy was my buddy from the time I was a kid and I would have felt shitty paying someone else $50 just so I could wash my hands of it.

I was already feeling shitty enough that I somehow caused his death, so I guess I feel like I owe it to him to make sure that his cremation is as noble and badass as possible.


respect