Dolley Madison / Laura Secord

What on Earth associates these women from the war of 1812 to sweets and snacks?

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Dolly Madison ice cream was fucking excellent.

They had this half orange sherbet/half vanilla ice cream. Perfection in a half gallon flip top carton.

make that shit into a shake, sweet jebus

Madison’s original advertising concept was "Fit for a socialite like Madison yet affordable for everyone.”, much like “Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.” If they were starting today, they may have chosen Jackie Kennedy instead.

Secord was a Canadian hero; the chocolate company was founded in Canada on the centennial of her historically notable action. Essentially an equivalent of the Paul Revere Insurance Company.

Your turn: What the fuck does President’s Day have to do with selling mattresses?

I think Americans love American sounding shit

Sam Adams beer

George Washington University

Famous Amos Cookies

Wilford Brimleys Diabeetus Supplies

You know, basically our forefathers, trustworthy and such.