Dumb Kitchen Fails Your Wife or GF Has Done

I have usually done the cooking in relationships because all the chicks I have dated have awful cooking skills.

One of the times that stands out for me was when my girl was like making me a sandwich which is something you would think she couldn’t fuck up. But we got this ham and it came in like a solid block, it was sliced but it was packaged in one solid lump and she just took like a quarter of that lump of meat out and put it between some bread with some mustard and mayo… You wouldn’t think that eating deli meat in a compressed lump form would be nasty but it was fucking weird and half retarded.

Another time she tried to bake salmon in this heart shaped glass baking dish and it just didn’t get the heat it needed to cook properly. I couldn’t really get mad at her because she’s trying, just gotta grin and bear it.

My wife could be a good cook but just doesn’t do it.

Subbing so I can remember this new homeslice user name.


We always know when dinner’s ready because the smoke alarm goes off

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Couldn’t think of any, because so few people cook at all. I’m betting that’ll be the general theme here.

Also, reality TV’s already topped out the conversation decades ago with shit like “Chicken of the Sea”.

That’s when I know breakfast is ready.

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Using double the amount of pans/dishes/utensils really necessary then complaining about how long it took to clean up. Pancakes look like an episode of Kitchen Wars was just filmed.


I don’t know how many times I’ve had to explain to my wife the need / benefit of using the proper knife for the task at hand. I’ve caught her using a bread knife on veggies, a steak knife on lettuce, big chefs knife on small fruit where a paring knife would be far more appropriate. All this is to say she rarely cooks, so on those rare occasions she does, she is retarded.

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2 things.

  1. You’re not insane
  2. That’s funny
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