Hmmm, what are some salient retard moments...
When I was really young, about six, I saw a rusty nail and purposely stepped on it because I was curious if it would go through my sandal. I obviously lied through my teeth and told my Dad I didn't notice the nail and then had to go to the hospital to make sure it was nothing serious.
When I was about 14-15 we used to always break onto this nearby golf course and smoke/drink/hang out over night. It got pretty out of hand and my high school would start throwing pretty large hangouts there spontaneously since there was virtually no security at night, despite being a huge and expensive course. This all ended when a few of us got really drunk and joy rode a golf cart into a lake trap, while flipping another and concussing two of us in the process.
When I was about 16 I was fighting with my friend in physics class and he stabbed me with a pencil. Went straight through my right hand and I had to get excused from class. Only problem was my teacher was this intense Pakistani physicist who didn't take any shit. He kept telling me shutup and focus when I raised my left hand to be excused, so I switched to my right hand and his reaction when he saw the pencil hand and blood was priceless.
During undergraduate, my friend was sleeping in past the afternoon with all of our apartment's weed and refused to get up, so myself and the other roomies got pissed he was making us suffer through our deserved hangovers. We barricaded him in his room with most of the furniture in the house, moved the fridge so it was connected to a plug in the hallway, allowing us to shut down all the power to his section of the apt, then we littered the floor with thumb tacks, knives and nails so it would be booby trapped when he finally broke out of the barricade. We then opened the door (this was in Mtl and around -25 without wind chill) and tried to freeze him out. When he still wouldn't get up we went for a sandwich and got locked out of the apartment. He started throwing our clothes off the balcony to get back at us so a friend and myself tried to shimmy up to our apt balcony. I made it to the second floor balcony and fell while trying to get up to the third floor balcony. No injuries at all, although I undoubtedly deserved some.
In my defense, undergraduate was one big blur of gravity bongs and alcohol; I was either working to pay for my tuition or getting fucked until the day before a test.