Dumb things you did in your childhood

I once smoked weed right in my own room.  Sophomore year of high school.  I thought if i had the window open the smell would go away before my parents came home from work

Boy was i wrong.  2 hours later the smell was still strong.  My mom came home and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL IT SMELLS LIKE WEED!!!  i had sprayed a lot of febreeze or something to try to help but it hardly worked.  She ended up believing me though, i of course lied and said my room smelled bad when i got home so i sparyed all that febreeze 

 

Another good one is, one day i wanted to hook up my xbox 360 to my dad's Plasma TV cause i wanted to see it in HD, and this TV was mounted on the wall and it was so fucking heavy.  But i thought i could take it down myself and put it back alone.  As soon as i lifted it to unhook it, it fell on me and i was on the ground with a huge heavy plasma tv on top of me... thank fucking christ it didn't break or anything and i called my friend over and he helped me get it back on the wall.  That TV cost my father over $2k and i would have been over for me lol

 

Many more stories i could tell 

Where i live at the end of my neighborhood there are all these Tamarisk Trees. Hobos used to fucking live amongst them. The trees were super thick and dense, so we liked to go into them and climb the trees and shit. Well one day we realized that all these homeless people lived in like this cleared out area, and they had all these mattresses and shit. There were no homeless around at the time so we decided if we climbed the trees we could jump out of them on to these fuckin gross ass mattresses. Never thought of it as a kid, but looking back it was pretty nasty and stupid.

Theres a lot of other dumb shit I did too.

Thrill Hammer -

Where i live at the end of my neighborhood there are all these Tamarisk Trees. Hobos used to fucking live amongst them. The trees were super thick and dense, so we liked to go into them and climb the trees and shit. Well one day we realized that all these homeless people lived in like this cleared out area, and they had all these mattresses and shit. There were no homeless around at the time so we decided if we climbed the trees we could jump out of them on to these fuckin gross ass mattresses. Never thought of it as a kid, but looking back it was pretty nasty and stupid.

Theres a lot of other dumb shit I did too.

Haha thats disgusting.  But thats exactly why being young was awesome.  Not a care in the world 

TTT for stories 

Man i was a little knucklehead back in the day. In my own neighberhood we would shit on a peice of newspaper and lay the poo poo on a doorstep. We would set up a camcorder in the bushes that face the door and watch their reaction when they see the stinky log just chillin there. My buddy would literally squat over a peice of newspaper and squeeze out a thick log. We didnt put it in a bag or anything we just carried it over to the door step and set it on the welcome mat. It smelled terrible but was hilarious watching the reactions.

 

Also there was a time that i got hired at Arbys when i was 16 and i had my friend come in and kind of do the same thing but had him shit out a log on top of a serving tray and leave it in the bathroom. Well the joke was on me when my manager discovered the girthy turd and made me clean it up. Lol. Worst idea ever.

 

 

Vegito Blue -

I once smoked weed right in my own room.  Sophomore year of high school.  I thought if i had the window open the smell would go away before my parents came home from work

Boy was i wrong.  2 hours later the smell was still strong.  My mom came home and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL IT SMELLS LIKE WEED!!!  i had sprayed a lot of febreeze or something to try to help but it hardly worked.  She ended up believing me though, i of course lied and said my room smelled bad when i got home so i sparyed all that febreeze 

 

Another good one is, one day i wanted to hook up my xbox 360 to my dad's Plasma TV cause i wanted to see it in HD, and this TV was mounted on the wall and it was so fucking heavy.  But i thought i could take it down myself and put it back alone.  As soon as i lifted it to unhook it, it fell on me and i was on the ground with a huge heavy plasma tv on top of me... thank fucking christ it didn't break or anything and i called my friend over and he helped me get it back on the wall.  That TV cost my father over $2k and i would have been over for me lol

 

Many more stories i could tell 

I must be old, there was no such thing as a plasma TV when I was a kid. Hell when I was a kid my grandmothers TV had two knobs, one was uhf the other was vhf. 

you shit while climbing trees fella?

jasperb -
Vegito Blue -

I once smoked weed right in my own room.  Sophomore year of high school.  I thought if i had the window open the smell would go away before my parents came home from work

Boy was i wrong.  2 hours later the smell was still strong.  My mom came home and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL IT SMELLS LIKE WEED!!!  i had sprayed a lot of febreeze or something to try to help but it hardly worked.  She ended up believing me though, i of course lied and said my room smelled bad when i got home so i sparyed all that febreeze 

 

Another good one is, one day i wanted to hook up my xbox 360 to my dad's Plasma TV cause i wanted to see it in HD, and this TV was mounted on the wall and it was so fucking heavy.  But i thought i could take it down myself and put it back alone.  As soon as i lifted it to unhook it, it fell on me and i was on the ground with a huge heavy plasma tv on top of me... thank fucking christ it didn't break or anything and i called my friend over and he helped me get it back on the wall.  That TV cost my father over $2k and i would have been over for me lol

 

Many more stories i could tell 

I must be old, there was no such thing as a plasma TV when I was a kid. Hell when I was a kid my grandmothers TV had two knobs, one was uhf the other was vhf. 

I’m 24. So this happened when I was in early high school. 2009 or 2010ish 

When I was about 11, I had a hunting knife and was trying to throw it and make it stick in a tree in my back yard.

Well, I couldn’t get the damn thing to land right and stick , so I kept getting closer and closer I until I was about 4 ft from the tree and just *winging* the knife at it, because I wanted that damn thing to stick!!

It bounced back and hit me right in the forehead with the blade giving me a big gash. I rushed into the house and snuck into the bathroom bleeding like a stick pig. I finally got the bleeding stopped and put a bandaid on it. I really needed stitches but oh well. It’s just complete luck the thing didn’t stick me in the eye when it came back at me. 

Tommy_PUI -


Man i was a little knucklehead back in the day. In my own neighberhood we would shit on a peice of newspaper and lay the poo poo on a doorstep. We would set up a camcorder in the bushes that face the door and watch their reaction when they see the stinky log just chillin there. My buddy would literally squat over a peice of newspaper and squeeze out a thick log. We didnt put it in a bag or anything we just carried it over to the door step and set it on the welcome mat. It smelled terrible but was hilarious watching the reactions.



 



Also there was a time that i got hired at Arbys when i was 16 and i had my friend come in and kind of do the same thing but had him shit out a log on top of a serving tray and leave it in the bathroom. Well the joke was on me when my manager discovered the girthy turd and made me clean it up. Lol. Worst idea ever.



 



 

Made me laugh.

Poop makes anything a prank.

Me and my friends formed a pack to try to kill this shape shifting spider alien.

Then we got lost in a sewer and gangbanged the girl in our group.

Luckily it's all over now.

I poured 2 gallons of gasoline into the exposed top of a lava tube and blew up my moms yard. 

When jackass came out me and my friends use to go round imitating them. We use to get long branches and joust each other while we road our bikes. While I was jousting a mate shoved a branch in by wheels spokes. Went head first into the ground with no helmet, luckily I have a hard head. Everyone from my child hood is amazed I am alive and one piece I used to do so much dome shit, although I did break my neck when I was younger. But I wasn't doing anything stupid when that happened

When I was about 6 or 7, I forgot my lunch.
I must have announced it because I remember these older kids saying they would buy my lunch from the canteen if I flashed my dick at the girls (there was a group playing hopscotch/skipping)
So I did it. I ran over there got my lil 6 year old dick out and wriggled it about.
They screamed.
Then I remember a hand grabbing me on the shoulder, it was a teacher and I'll never forget what he said.

"Better put that away son or a bird might peck it off"

Was sent back to class after lunch and told I had to sit in the corner. I reaaaally needed to shit and I was putting my hand up telling the teacher I needed to go.
Having heard what I'd done she had it in her head "Fuck this little pervert" and did not let me go.
Then it got real bad, put my hand up, begged to go, must go, have to go. No dice she started yelling at me to stay quiet in the corner.
So it happened. I shat myself. It was bad. Not solid but not fluid, like a thick warm paste.
Teacher walked up near the end of the day and smelt me.
"What have you done"
I said "I told you I needed to go" I was in tears.
My aunt picked me up that day, boy was she in for a shock.
Teacher told her I'd flashed my dick and I'd shit myself.
I remember sitting in my aunts car and she was disgusted at the smell, disgusted at me.
Probably the worst day of my childhood, and those cunts never did buy me lunch.

Me and my buddy were 15. We met some middle aged, one legged guy, in line for a Judas Priest concert. We smoked weed with him, in a van with no windows....

Nothing happened, we smoked some great weed and everything was fine, but it probably wasn't the best idea we ever had.

No 1 cawkgobbler -

Egging people's houses. 

Taking bets on who would drop a log on someone's lawn. 

Breaking into the local high school's swimming pool to leave a log in the pool. 

Serial pooper!!!!

When I was about 12, my friends and I stole a bubble gum machine from the grocery store. We just walked right out the door with it and brought it behind the store. One of my friends kicked the machine over and quarters and bubblegum went everywhere. I ended up grabbing like $6 in quarters.  We ended up going to the arcade that night and having the time of our lives. 

Looking back, I’m shocked we didn’t get caught. If we had we would’ve gotten in huge trouble. 

Hmmm, what are some salient retard moments...

When I was really young, about six, I saw a rusty nail and purposely stepped on it because I was curious if it would go through my sandal. I obviously lied through my teeth and told my Dad I didn't notice the nail and then had to go to the hospital to make sure it was nothing serious. 


When I was about 14-15 we used to always break onto this nearby golf course and smoke/drink/hang out over night. It got pretty out of hand and my high school would start throwing pretty large hangouts there spontaneously since there was virtually no security at night, despite being a huge and expensive course. This all ended when a few of us got really drunk and joy rode a golf cart into a lake trap, while flipping another and concussing two of us in the process. 

 

When I was about 16 I was fighting with my friend in physics class and he stabbed me with a pencil. Went straight through my right hand and I had to get excused from class. Only problem was my teacher was this intense Pakistani physicist who didn't take any shit. He kept telling me shutup and focus when I raised my left hand to be excused, so I switched to my right hand and his reaction when he saw the pencil hand and blood was priceless. 


During undergraduate, my friend was sleeping in past the afternoon with all of our apartment's weed and refused to get up, so myself and the other roomies got pissed he was making us suffer through our deserved hangovers. We barricaded him in his room with most of the furniture in the house, moved the fridge so it was connected to a plug in the hallway, allowing us to shut down all the power to his section of the apt, then we littered the floor with thumb tacks, knives and nails so it would be booby trapped when he finally broke out of the barricade. We then opened the door (this was in Mtl and around -25 without wind chill) and tried to freeze him out. When he still wouldn't get up we went for a sandwich and got locked out of the apartment. He started throwing our clothes off the balcony to get back at us so a friend and myself tried to shimmy up to our apt balcony. I made it to the second floor balcony and fell while trying to get up to the third floor balcony. No injuries at all, although I undoubtedly deserved some.

In my defense, undergraduate was one big blur of gravity bongs and alcohol; I was either working to pay for my tuition or getting fucked until the day before a test. 

Jobe Watson version 3.0 - When I was about 6 or 7, I forgot my lunch.
I must have announced it because I remember these older kids saying they would buy my lunch from the canteen if I flashed my dick at the girls (there was a group playing hopscotch/skipping)
So I did it. I ran over there got my lil 6 year old dick out and wriggled it about.
They screamed.
Then I remember a hand grabbing me on the shoulder, it was a teacher and I'll never forget what he said.

"Better put that away son or a bird might peck it off"

Was sent back to class after lunch and told I had to sit in the corner. I reaaaally needed to shit and I was putting my hand up telling the teacher I needed to go.
Having heard what I'd done she had it in her head "Fuck this little pervert" and did not let me go.
Then it got real bad, put my hand up, begged to go, must go, have to go. No dice she started yelling at me to stay quiet in the corner.
So it happened. I shat myself. It was bad. Not solid but not fluid, like a thick warm paste.
Teacher walked up near the end of the day and smelt me.
"What have you done"
I said "I told you I needed to go" I was in tears.
My aunt picked me up that day, boy was she in for a shock.
Teacher told her I'd flashed my dick and I'd shit myself.
I remember sitting in my aunts car and she was disgusted at the smell, disgusted at me.
Probably the worst day of my childhood, and those cunts never did buy me lunch.

To be fair, that woman was a shitty teacher and a cunt.
I can kind of relate, I was a serial flasher at that age. As a toddler I'd run into my sisters room and leap spread eagle on her bed naked. Also, used to run into my sisters room with my buddy and we'd whip our dicks out and play them like an air guitar to flash her friends (talking like grade 1-2 here). Looking back, I'm surprised that didn't grow into some other maladptive behavior or at least an exhibitionist fetish. 

Honestly, I think I just found cocks hillarious at that age.

lit fires