Effing kids...II

Apparently the creepsporters became so livid over the previous thread to carry this title a mod had to delete it. Hence, I've started this one. Now, try and keep those juvenile tempers in check this time, boys. And when the nose-bleeds start, tilt your heads FORWARD, not back...

The new guy at work is this 23-year-old 6'6" ex-con redneck peril named Eric. Apparently he studied the devastating and highly effective fighting combination of kung fu and tai chi both in and out of prison for the last 8 years.

He's somewhat socially awkward, but he swears down that he's an incredibly easy-going guy and that it's everyone else at work that are the ones who are interactively screwed in the head.

So me, Eric and a couple of other lads occasionally play pool after work. The couple of times when Eric has tagged along, his mouth has started writing uncashable cheques after a VERY few beers. This last Thursday was one of those nights.

The lads went home one-by-one as they tired of Eric's combative flapping and 23-year-old pearls of hillbilly wisdom, leaving me alone with him. Now, Eric's a fidgety, nervous pool player that pounds every ball as if it was his abusive Dad's testicle. I'm a calm, methodical player; coupled with a misspent youth I apparently command enough skill to school him 10 frames to 3. This didn't sit well with young Eric, who blustered and growled like a rabid wolverine - "You might beat me at pool, you limey pussy, but I'll kick your fucking ass in the car park."

"Sure you would too, big lad like yersself." I said conversationally.

"I fucking mean it, motherfucker. I'll fucking kick your pussy ass all over that goddamn carpark."

"That's very Christian of yer. D'yer wanna do it now, or after this game of pool?"

"Anytime you want, motherfucker."

"After this game it is, then." He fumed silently as I dismantled his pool game once more, and we headed outside. As we took off watches, emptied pockets etc., I told him that when I caught him in a submission, it'd be best to tap out (I didn't place any particular emphasis on the word "when"). I had every intention of cranking the crap out of whatever I got my grubby little hands on.

"Same goes for you." He snarled. Doom on Eric.

We squared off and he threw a right that clattered off my guard and staggered me a bit. Sensing the kill, Eric moved in for a combo and I double-legged him to the gravel. He attempted the schoolyard guillotine, so I defended and waited for him to tire for a moment. A forearm across the throat broke his grasp and I pulled out my head and kimura'd him. He didn't tap immediately, so I cranked it. He tapped like a machine gun. "Wanna go again?" I said, sensing the Traditional Martial Artist's usual belief, in these circumstances, that I had "got lucky"...


"You got fucking lucky." He said.


We went at it again and I shot immediately. I landed in mount, and went for the pillow choke. I didn't try to sink it in, just held him there with his face exposed to my spare fist. "I could smack the shit out of you now, if I wanted. Gouge yer eyes out. Give you a noogie etcetera. But I ain't gonna." I stood up and helped him to his feet, and we leaned against my truck to get our breath back. "Are yer done?"

"Fuck you."

(Stef looks neutrally at camera)

We went at it AGAIN. I decided to strike with him for a while to get his hands back up. Unfortunately, striking with a bugger 8 inches taller than you is a little harder than I thought. He didn't find my chin, nose, ear or temple, but he did knock me down. As he closed to pound, I kicked him in the chin from guard. Never done that before - wow. It's amazing the force you can generate. He was stunned from the kick and came down on me, as my kicking leg slipped over his shoulder and I immediately locked him into the triangle. He was flapping his "in" arm all over the place, and I was having problems pushing it over, so I just armbarred it. He tapped. I let him go but he kept coming, so I guillotined him from guard. He tapped. I got up. I didn't help him up this time.

"That's four, mate. You're beaten. Give it up." I stood there with my hands on my hips as he got back to his feet.

"Fuck you, motherfucker." He vociferated.

In keeping with my recent personal history, I bitch-slapped him. This started us swinging again. I closed for the clinch and tripped him. We scrambled for a second or two before he gave me his back and subsequently went nighty-night from a rear-naked. He didn't tap, so I cranked it - first time I've ever actually choked someone unconscious. I slapped him on the back to revive him after a few seconds, but kept my back mount position in case he wanted to continue.

"I quit." He squeaked.

"You've 'quit' four times already, mate."

"No. I'm done. I don't wanna fight no more."

Job done, I let him go and got to my feet. He laid on his back and started CRYING, I shit you not. So I sat down in the car park and counseled the blubbering youngster for maybe half-an-hour, before helping him into his truck. Hopefully the huge adolescent gobshite has learned something from his experience.



Fuck. Meant to post this on the OG... TheRealJoker - I don't possess a donkey. But if I did, and someone was "beating" it, I'd call the RSPCA.




Fun story. I don't know what it is with kids nowadays,thinking they're the greatest toughest smartest thing since white bread when they've never actually accomplished anything. It's like they think they're on tv,that the cameras are rolling. I actually think that's the problem that makes them act so full of shit and so unconnected with reality,tv and movies. They grow up watching fictional shit talkers and actors and think that's actually the way a person is supposed to behave.

This kid definitely had "John Wayne" syndrome.



Should of face barred him and put him in traction!

Ah...the days when you and a buddy could get in a row, pick him up, dust him off and either have a beer or bring him home.

Nowaday it just gets you caught up in a perpetual cycle of revenge or earns you an enemy for life.

How is he towards you now? Are you guys still friends?

Very cool story.

holy shit how'd you find this gem after all these years.