F*g Newton Ready to Shock the World
by Mitch Cumstein
Late last year, could-be MMA superstar Emanuel Newton lost a short fight against Phil Davis. A candid Newton is blaming the loss on a sexual encounter he had just hours before the fight with a woman. "[Having sex] definitely took away my hips," he explained.
Now, Emanuel's camp is ready to reinvigorate the Bellator light heavyweight's competitive libido by completely redefining the fighter's combative orientation.
"F*g Newton was my idea," said training partner Vance Pendergrass. "Imagine a Newton free from the temptation to lay with a woman before a fight. Imagine all that untapped power just curled up like a viper inside that solid torso of his."
"I know I can," said Vance.
UFC veteran Seth Petruzelli agrees, citing the importance of strong hips in the discipline of Jiu-Jitsu in particular.
"I've said it a thousand times to several dudes in and out of my gym," mused Seth. "A pair of totally rested hips doesn't lie."
"Unless you're trying to squeeze them into a size 8 pair of red skinny-fit Jordache jeans after a fight, obviously," he admitted. 
Publicity wise, this is the best thing to happen to Newton.
Genius move IMO. Could lead to some interesting opportunities in film, perhaps even on Broadway.
I don't get it. Is this some kind of American joke?
He gonna beat off before the fight then get arm barred imo
Sage Northcutt banned from area gym
Mitch Cumstein delivers again. 
Is this a SuperCalo thread? Lol