Ending friendships when you're older

Hey OG,

I recently made a tough decision to cut ties with someone I’ve been friends with for 7-8 years. The OG has always provided me with wisdom and knowledge so I wanted to get some of your perspective on this issue. It’s a bit of a long read so for those who respond to this thread, I truly appreciate it.

For years, people we have mutually known have always told me that this friend is smug, condescending, just a real douchebag in general. They’ve told me not to associate with him but I’ve ignored their advice due to the fact that I knew his real story while they didn’t. I’ve heard from countless people that he would constantly brag about the school he went to and belittle others that were attending state universities, community college, or any school that was ranked lower than the one he was attending. He would make fun of people that were still living with their parents without any regards to their personal situation. Some of the things people have told me he said were “Oh, that was my back-up back-up school”, “You know that I’m going to make more money than you in the future, right?’, or “Good luck trying to transfer there. Even I couldn’t get in to that school.” Things of that nature that would understandably upset people.

I became friends with him because his brother is one of my best friends. So we are the only two that know his real story. In high school, he was a loser and loner. He got into a pretty good school and his ego got inflated. That’s what others know. What they don’t know is that while in college he signed up for credit cards, maxed them out, and never paid them back which ruined his credit before the age of 21. They don’t know that by the time he graduated with a political science degree, he took out $60k in student loans. They don’t know that for 2 years he was kicked out of that school and had to go back to community college to eventually earn his way back in. They don’t know that he was just another average student finishing with a 2.8 gpa. They don’t know that it took him 7 years to finish his undergraduate studies. They don’t know that all of his so-called friends graduated 3 years before he did and went on to make six figures a year. So I knew that when he was putting others down, it was because he was hurting inside and wanted others to feel his pain. I knew he was a good guy deep down but was just in a world of hurt. I’m not saying it’s right but I understood where it was coming from and tried to help him. I stuck by his side. I knew his so-called friends weren’t really friends because when times got rough, they were never around and he relied on me and his brother.

Once he graduated, it took him nearly a year to find a job. He did find a job but it was one that didn’t require a college degree and he wasn’t making close to what he was telling others he would be making once he graduated. I know that crushed his ego. He had been humbled by this experience and for a few years, I thought he was turning around. During those years, he had to eat a lot of crow. Most of the people he offended in the past had graduated from so-called “lesser” schools but left without little to no student debt and were making significantly more money than him. They also found a place of their own to live at. Some of the people he offended actually made it to the schools that he said they couldn’t make it to and were far more successful in life than him. Once they found out that this guy who had constantly portrayed himself as being superior to them didn’t live up to the hype, they constantly reminded him on a daily basis. Life didn’t turn out the way he expected and now he is a bitter shell of himself. He is 30 years old, makes $33k a year, has $60k in debt, no credit, and still living with his parents. I am now starting to see what others have warned me about and anytime I hang out with the dude, my energy is drained. I can’t stand his negativity and bitterness anymore. I’m at an age now where I just want to be surrounded by positive people and have become fed up with him after years of sticking by his side. I’ve cut ties with him and feel a little guilty but also feel a huge sigh of relief. Thanks for reading guys.

BTW, there's nothing wrong with making $33k a year. It's just that he always told others his starting salary post-graduation was going to be at least $45k. He's been out of school for 5 years and is now making $33k.

FRAT Phone Post 3.0

Indeed. Phone Post 3.0

You are better off surrounding yourself with like minded positive people, however if he realizes his problems and wants to make amends I'd be willing to give him another chance of he's a good person overall

You'll forget what people say, you'll forget what people do but you'll never forget how people make you feel.
Distance yourself Phone Post 3.0

I think you're right. Must man up now. Phone Post 3.0

Does his brother have a better job than him? He got a gf or wife?

I would of cut ties with him after a month, he doesnt sound like a nice person Phone Post 3.0

seriously, you are the stupid one for even hanging around such a life sucking wraith.

i pride myself on judging and generalising people. i can pretty much ascertain a persons character within a very short time by being around them.

i absolutely despise braggarts and people who boast about their achievements but i totally respect quiet achievers who don't say anything about what they have.

you should of left this guy behind years ago. he benefits you in no way and maybe you should tell him that.

some people just need a reality check. it's obvious this guy does as he appears to be a fucking dreamer and likes to look down on people.

cliff1503 - Does his brother have a better job than him? He got a gf or wife?

I would of cut ties with him after a month, he doesnt sound like a nice person Phone Post 3.0
Yes his brother has a better job than him. And no he doesn't have a gf or wife. Phone Post 3.0

dojo stormer - seriously, you are the stupid one for even hanging around such a life sucking wraith.

i pride myself on judging and generalising people. i can pretty much ascertain a persons character within a very short time by being around them.

i absolutely despise braggarts and people who boast about their achievements but i totally respect quiet achievers who don't say anything about what they have.

you should of left this guy behind years ago. he benefits you in no way and maybe you should tell him that.

some people just need a reality check. it's obvious this guy does as he appears to be a fucking dreamer and likes to look down on people.
I agree with you. I know that people can change so that's what I was hoping for. I've seen the good side of him. He was going through a rough time but trying to portray himself as something else to others. Also, he was one of my best friend's brother. But yeah, I should've cut ties earlier. I let him know that I can't deal with his bullshit anymore. It sucks since I was his last true friend but I guess he deserves it. Phone Post 3.0

esque - I read it all and have no good answer for you. As for cutting ties to old friends I do it all the time. It sounds like you want to. If you want to, do it. Phone Post 3.0
Thanks. I already have. It just sucks cutting ties with old friends. Phone Post 3.0

Also, he was never negative to me or his brother since we knew his real story and he can't put up a front like he did to others. He is also 4 years older than me and his brother. Before I've heard mostly stories and sometimes witnessed him being a douche. But in recent years, he has become so bitter and negative to the world that I didn't like being around him anymore. As an example, I made a comment about someone we mutually know buying a new car with their own money. His response was "oh that's not really that impressive. That car is actually pretty affordable." It's a mild example but comments like that which build up and made me question why I even hang out with the dude. Phone Post 3.0

At least let him know why you are cutting ties with him. Chances are he won't care or do anything with it, but on the slight chance that he might see how his negativity is isolating him he might try to better himself. Phone Post

I didn't read the op, but if he had sex with your wife you are right to cut ties. Phone Post 3.0

VadimWhite - The guy really seems like all the things your other friends have warned you about.
The question is - what DID you like about him?
And is it still here?
He was a funny guy and i knew deep down that he was a kind person but just wasn't in control of his emotions. We all have moments when we're mean because we're not happy but he had more of those moments compared tothe average person. I think if he wasn't one of my best friend's brother, i would've cut ties earlier but i felt bad and tried to help. Anytime i hung out with his brother, he was there so i tried to be sympathetic. Looking back now, there was something he told me that should've raised some flags. He said "i want to make a lot of money so i can look down on people." I laughed it off and thought it was bizarre but now i know he meant it. In recent years, anytime i'm done hanging out with him i felt my energy was drained and have decided to end it. Phone Post 3.0

BillDaughtreive - At least let him know why you are cutting ties with him. Chances are he won't care or do anything with it, but on the slight chance that he might see how his negativity is isolating him he might try to better himself. Phone Post
I have several times. He told me he's trying and "you know how i get sometimes." But as i get older, my tolerance for negative people is less and less. Phone Post 3.0

^ in that case cut ties. If he seeks you out in the future it will be up to you whether or not to continue the friendship. Phone Post

Sounds like your tolerance had been too high for years.

Whats he bringing to the party? Phone Post 3.0

jimmy23 -
CMX - You are better off surrounding yourself with like minded positive people, however if he realizes his problems and wants to make amends I'd be willing to give him another chance of he's a good person overall


yep. Ive make a heap of mistaks in my life, some major fuck ups, and the ay Iw as raised, it was easy to be bitter about it. In the end, happiness is a choice. You do what you can from where you are, and stop abusing yourself with should have's, could haves, and would haves. Maybe ask him when he is going to take responsibility for his own life and emotional well being. If he lives at home, he should be able to pay down his student debts in three years. But he had to decide move on with his life. Why does he give afuck what his high school acquaintences are doing? 

For so long, his school was his identity and his justification for why he was above others. Now post-grad and in the real world, he is seeing all these people who attended "lesser" schools doing better than him in life and i'm sure it turned his world upside down. His thing now is to spend money on luxury brands like Louis Vutton to try to portray himself as being successful when i know the real story. Most of his money is spent on material things and weed. He pays the minimum on his student loans. I've told him countless times who is he trying to fool? Why buy a $500 louis vutton dogtag when u have so much debt and still live at home? Btw, thanks for your insight. I think a lot of people can learn from it and appreciate it. VU. Phone Post 3.0