Fedoubt- Beware The Growing Epidemic!

 NO ONE IS SAFE!

Brothers and sisters, if you are not aware of the grave and dire affliction that is spreading among MMA fans, young and old, male and female, heterosexual and homosexual, heed the following FRAT and remember these words for it may very well save your life or the life of someone you love.



There is an epidemic spreading among members of multiple MMA forums and chat rooms.  This infectuous and contagious illness permeates the very cables that connect computation machines to the World Wide Web, radiating it's corrupted and cynical ideals.  It’s sickly and demented contortion of reality knows no end and is not bound by reason or ration, morals or community, hope or conviction.  The very foundations of its constitution are constructed on the fabric of moral chicanery, douche-baggery, and ridiculosity.  Furthermore it is a hindrance to all that is Fedorable and pure and of moral accountability and Fedoraction.



BEWARE OF FEDOUBT!

In some dark and lonely room, with the shades drawn and tears in his eyes, Johnny Black sits and weeps and moans from Fedoubt- An affliction of the mind and body resulting in the doubt that Fedor is indeed The GOAT.  Johnny's arms are scarred and infected from slashing himself as his mind is torn between a true Love of Fedor (Fedorable) and the doubt that has come from Fedor being slandered by the American media and Dana White (Fedoubt).  His lips are crusted and dry from constant wailing and licking the wounds that resulted from this dark and twisted inner-turmoil.   His favorite “Fedora” style hat sits under a pile of putrid and stale dirty laundry, smothered by the foul stench of confusion and despair.  This is only one of the many signs that an individual has been infected with this very real disease affecting both the body and mind.

 

KNOW THE SIGNS! /o:p

If you or any one you know is aware of an individual who suffers from the following symptoms, please notify your local authorities immediately!  Signs include but are not limited to:/o:p



  • Attempting to breast-feed from kettle balls. 

  • Watching the end of Rocky IV in reverse so the Russian appears to revive, then kick Rocky's ass.

  • Leafing through a book by Fyodor Dostoyevski and pretending to "get it"

  • Getting drunk on Stoli at high school track and field competitions and loudly referring to East German gender-test-failing-shotputter Heidi Krieger as "that fine bitch"<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->

  • <!--[endif]-->Compulsion towards throwing bundles of cash at random Russian citizens living in the United States, shouting of their insanity and begging them to talk to Fedor and Vadim.

  • Lucid night-terrors of Jerry Millen and Vadim Finklestein burning your favorite Fedor memorabilia.

  • The skin may itch and crawl at the idea of Fedor being anything other than a man of Hero-like proportions.

  • The afflicted may watch hours on hours of PRIDE FC VHS Cassettes and be so afraid of leaving they will result to Machida-esque tactics, consuming their own urine to avoid the dehydration resulting from the constant sweating whether or not Fedor is legitimate.<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->

  • <!--[endif]-->The infected may “sport” or “rock” tattoos of “Daggers” closely resembling that of a phallus dripping with what is surely semen infected with “Fedoubt”.

  • Use of Sophism, Rascalism, Verbal Vandalism, or any other ISM resulting in the degradation or assertation that Fedor is in any way “afraid” or “hiding” or “running” from any of the “Top Contenders” (This is one of the more severe side-effects and this person should not be confronted by anyone other than trained “Fedorologists”).

  • Use of the words “overrated” and “Fedor” in the same sentence except to imply the idea of the need for Fedor to prove himself any further is “overrated”.

  • Lashing out against those who would choose to show support for Fedor no matter happens.  Often the term “Nut-hugger” will escape along with the rank breath of the afflicted, sour from the taste of venomous doubt and pessimistic emotional enterprise.

  • Desperate and uncontrollable weeping and screaming into pillows while filling various internet forums with angst-ridden and vile threads void of any respect or rationale. 

  • Cancetitis- overwhelming desire to see Fedor in freakshow matches.

  • Paranoid Presidentia- The belief that either Vadim or BLAF is controlling every ones mind.

  • Obsessive Fedoubt Disorder- The constant need to offer sophism as a way to bait others into reassurance of Fedors incredible stature.


    

Our resident Psychiatric Specialist, Zedlepln has discovered and named the following psychiatric illnesses resulting from this infectuous disease-



Jerrionic Personality Disorder (JPD): is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood. People with this disorder are usually able to function at a high level and can be successful socially and professionally. People with jerrionic personality disorder usually have good social skills, but they tend to use these skills to manipulate other people and become the center of attention. Also known as Garionic Personality Disorder.



Fedorhater Personality Disorder (FHPD): a pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him, as indicated by at least five of the following:



-Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available

-Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him or her

-Following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident)

-Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated)

-Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure)

-Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write his or her own

-Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him well, e.g., is unattracted to caring sexual partners

-Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice
 

 

FAQ’s responded to by some of our recently cured contributors- /o:p


“I am not sure if Fedor is the greatest, could I possibly be infected?”/o:p

ABSOLUTELY!  Are you fucking kidding me, son?  Ol’ dude is 30 and mothafuckin 1 and the 1 was some ol’ bullshit, you can watch the fight for yourself!  Fedor has beaten everybody when everybody was a threat.  Beat CC when CC was #2, beat Nog when Nog was #1 and #2.  Beat mothafuckin 7 motha fuckin champions, boy, SEVEN.  Who else has beat more mothafuckin champions?  NO MOTHAFUCKIN BODY!  Who else is better?  Who else has a better record?  Who else is undefeated in so long?  Who else shows more mothafuckin respek to their motherfuckin opponent?  When was the last time you heard Fedor say something without thinking about it first?  NEVA MOTHAFUCKIN EVA!  THAT’S WHEN YOU HEARD THAT SHIT!


 /o:p


“I don’t know who Fedor is, am I infected?”/o:p

Not necessarily, as Robert Heinlein so remarkably stated “Do not attribute maliciousness to that which can be adequately explained by ignorance.”  Not knowing who Fedor is only leads to knowing who Fedor is.


 /o:p


“WHAT CAN I DO?”/o:p

If you have asked yourself this- CONGRATULATIONS!  You are of outstanding moral fiber and the Fedorable fire of Fedoraction burns within you!  Do not evangelize, as it is unnecessary.  Those afflicted with Fedoubt will be drawn to your healing aura, as it is their true wish to unconditionally and wholly love Fedor (Fedomniscience) and experience all that this truth has to offer.  Merely welcome them with open arms, but, remember to be cautious of their tactics and the side-effects.  It is also recommended that those in contact with the infected thoroughly wash and cleanse themselves before and after contact to avoid spreading this contagious and terrible disease to those who are not strong of mind and body.


 /o:p


“WHERE DO I SIGN UP TO HELP FURTHER?”/o:p

Right here!


 /o:p


TTT this thread any time someone is clearly infected with the following symptoms or if you have witnessed other symptoms.  We must wage war against this infestation of confusion and ignorance in the minds of MMA minds.

tldr

You just saved my life

FRAT.

2JupitersTooMany - You just saved my life


 A perfect example of Fedoraction!




Entertaining and thanks for the read. But perhaps too much time on your hands, no? :)

jmig - FRAT.


dances past jmig holding snakes and speaking in mostly Russian tongues

Uchi - Entertaining and thanks for the read. But perhaps too much time on your hands, no? :)


 Don't worry my friend, it didn't take long to sum up this affliction.  The words flow seamlessly in Fedomniscience.




lays hands on UfcSpyGUY, but not in a BEEP way

lol

ttt

i have a new found respect for Ace won Deal with it

UfcSpyGUY - Fedor oh hell whats the use.. good luck to strike force hope they are prepared for the mess they are getting into with m-1.


It feels wonderful to just be happy that Fedor is fighting and probably against a Top 10 opponent this year.



He's still the greatest.  There's no arguments other-wise.

You use your mouth purtier than a two dollar whore. Great post btw.

ACE won DEAL with it - 
Uchi - Entertaining and thanks for the read. But perhaps too much time on your hands, no? :)

 Don't worry my friend, it didn't take long to sum up this affliction.  The words flow seamlessly in Fedomniscience.



Then I bow down to your Fedorrificness.

 I have all the shotguns loaded for the zombies when they come for me.





Bruce Campbell is over having a beer and is a big fan of Fedor's.



Bruce says fuck the Fedoubters and bring it!

 My Fedorocity is unmatched.



It doesn't matter who he fights for, he's already proven he's the best to me and any further proof is merely icing on a cake I'm already devouring.

 Voted up

 If you happen to be one of the infected, please seek refuge and help here.  We can help you let go of angst and depressions that may be keeping you from your true Fedential.

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