funny ad for hotrod truck

One of my facebook groups is for custom Dodge Dakota R/T trucks and one of the guys is try to sell his R/T and posted this ad, thought I would share since the guys sounds like a true OG'er.
.... . Hello future bad ass. Are you tired of seeing all these mustangs and rice burners all over the place with their fart can exhausts that sound like a herd of pissed off bees? Tired of seeing the snail trails that the cumstang farts out of it's boring flowmaster exhaust? You hop in this truck, fire it up and hear nothing but raw, nut checking, power. This mother fucker will makes your girls panties wet as soon as you start it up. How the hell does it do that you might ask? 5.9 Liters of detroit muscle is under the hood of this betty. Not to mention, the one of a kind paint job (freshly done, viper orange-toxic orange).
If you have a set of testicles, you will want this bitch. She will walk sideways all the way down the street and make cops chase you all over the fucking place. They won't know what the hell is going on through all the smoke and loud noises. People on the street will be chanting and hollering for the orange bad ass! 4.10 Positive Traction rear makes your launch off the line almost untouchable! The Chrysler Performance computer makes your tune spot on to compensate for the ported throttle body, spacer and full exhaust (stainless headers included, boom.) The cold air intake whistles and makes people think it has a fucking super charger under the hood. Tell them it does! Because when you're taking their money and making it rain on their girl, you'll thank me! This is fast and the furious shit right here! Tokio drift in this mother fucker!
Listen my bad ass buddy, I used to be a normal joe. Walking to work, drinking milk from a dirty glass, trying to be a bad ass. Finally I saved up enough money to buy this slick ass hot rod. As soon as I did, I was smashing tail from here to florida. I probably have kids that I don't even want to know about!
I have decided to hand down this legacy to some lucky mother fucker, and it could be you! Bitches!

Only 9 Grand, a fucking steal! Not only do you get this hopped up performance truck, but you also get a set of brand new tires, one key fob, power windows, power locks, power out the ass, new control arms, new front rotors, pads, calipers, new intake gaskets, exhaust gaskets (all this has been done in the last 10k miles), new heater core, fresh ass,one of a kind paint, a sub and amp, tinted windows, I might even throw in a blowjob from my own gf just so you understand the true power of this slut!
Do not lowball me, I am negotiable, but this is a ONE OF A KIND custom truck, bitches. I need some fucking cash for other fun stuff, like strippers and guns.


For trying to get me to read all that


Solid post. Phone Post 3.0

hahaah! Wonderfully written.