Give Me Your Best Dad Joke!!

Later

What’s the difference between a zippo and a hippo?

One is quite heavy, the other is a little lighter.

4 Likes

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

You put it on the surface of a bowl of water. If it sinks, it’s a girl ant, and if it floats, it’s buoyant.

3 Likes

When I was a kid, the priest told me I was the best looking kid in the parish.

I have to admit, I was touched.

1 Like

How do you fix a cabbage?

a cabbage patch! 

1 Like

What’s the difference between a cross eyed sniper and a constipated owl?

The sniper can shoot, but can’t hit.

3 Likes

Now many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

4 Likes

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I’ve never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest

4 Likes

what do you call 5 fish cut in half?

Tuna half.

2 Likes

Why do nordic countries but barcodes on their warships?

Cause they Scandanavian

1 Like

What’s teh difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A rooster clucks defiance

1 Like

How come insects don’t get coronavirus?

They already have anty bodies

1 Like

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The bartender says “what’ll you have?”

The priest says “wine, of course”.

The minister says “wine, of course.”

The rabbit says “I don’t know, I’m only here because of autocorrect”

3 Likes

Did you hear about the protest at the NASCAR Track?

They were chanting

“What do we want? RACE CARS!”

“When do we want them? NNNNYYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWWWwwwwww!”

3 Likes

Source: am dad.

2 Likes

Why are chickens cool ?

Becawwse!!!

3 Likes

Knock knock...

1 Like

How do you know if it's a dad joke?

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The answer is apparent

2 Likes
Pretjah - 

what is whitney houston's favorite type of cordination?

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HAAAANNNDDDD EEYYYYYYEEEEEEE

legit LOL!  soooo stupid

1 Like

Omg! took the dog for a walk and come back to this! Fuck Yeah! These are awesome!

You all get vote ups when im allowed to again!

2 Likes