Getting dressed for work the other day and was wearing glasses because my contact lenses were not cooperating. Had on dress pants, short sleeve button down shirt, shoes.
She takes one look and days "didnt know i slept with the new IT intern last night."
Took a look in mirror... And yep.. I was Basically a taller version of michael bolton from the office. Well played wife, well played. 
"that was fast"
When she was drunk "I want you in my mouth" 
best one liner i heard was "i love giving blowjobs"
it wasnt funny at the time but about 3 months later when i realized she must of been joking it was hilarious.
Driving in the mountains in Italy my wife quips "this looks like where the filmed Little House on the Prairie". I just stared at her until she got mad, then gave her a brief geography lesson.
"I clearly married into wealth, because it's obvious you've been eating very well."
Watching Game of Thrones she said, "Do you think it was really like this back then?".
Gf not wife btw
triggertap - Watching Game of Thrones she said, "Do you think it was really like this back then?".
Hahaha.
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My wife was convinced that tiny giraffe on the old rich Russian guy saving deh moneyz DirecTV was real. She was telling all her friends how she was so excited I was buying her one. She didn't speak to me the day I dropped the ball and told her the truth.
Your wife sounds really dumb. Like retarded dumb.
I was hoping the og would have examples of where the wife got ya with a good one liner
My wife literally told me, " I would have left you a long time ago if you're dick wasn't as big."
Fighting - My wife literally told me, " I would have left you a long time ago if you're dick wasn't as big."Pics
I bought the Gene Simcoe BJJ book years ago and it came with this shirt that said "When I'm not on the mat, I hang out at BJJ.com"
She thought it was the stupidest thing she ever saw, and every time I'd be wearing the shirt she would say "When I'm not at the dojo serving up a thunderstorm of pain, I hang out at karate chop.com".
I was on the couch watching football, wife walks in and asks me if I want an ice cream sundae, I said sure.
She returns a few minutes later, hands it to me and says "Here you go tubby."
hjr2 - I bought the Gene Simcoe BJJ book years ago and it came with this shirt that said "When I'm not on the mat, I hang out at BJJ.com"This! Vtfu for your wife!
She thought it was the stupidest thing she ever saw, and every time I'd be wearing the shirt she would say "When I'm not at the dojo serving up a thunderstorm of pain, I hang out at karate chop.com".
My wife is on the rag today. I forgot.
Me- Want to fuck and then watch a movie tonight?
Wife- I can't...
Me- Oh yeah, I guess it is just blow job and a movie tonight.
Wife- Who is the lucky lady?
Told the Mrs the spacecraft was about to fly by Pluto after travelling for 9 years through space.
Her response "wow I can't believe someone has been on that spaceship for so long"