O.K. bro, some shit recently went down when I was at my girlfriend's pad.
She shares an apartment with two college sluts who are 19 year old undergrads. I go into the bathroom to drop a zinger, which I normally don't do at her place because I don't want to gross them out if I'm having turd warfare, but I decide there is no time to use the service station bathroom down the street or drive home to kill it.
I have a habit if putting toilet paper down on the lid to act as a safety barrier, so I do that, sit down and have at it. Of course there is going to be some peeing involved so I have to stuff my giant cock between my balls and the toilet seat lid so I can aim it at a downward angle to stream my urine into the pure water below like a statue at Caesar's Palace. You know how it works playboy.
I do this, it feels nice, but as I'm yanking my petzel out of the space between my balls and the lid, my mushroom tip makes contact with the toilet seat and scrapes by as I yank it out. I feel this strange moistness on my wenis, look at it, and notice some kind of bloody goo, player!
As it turns out my girlfriend's roommate was on her cycle and somehow deposted a bunch of bloody smegma along the underside and edge of the toilet seat. My tissue barrier didn't do jack fucking shit to stop it, and I had creamy blood goo all over my God damned meat stick. It smelled fucking horrible, son!
Girls always bitch and moan about how gross we are, but I have to say, a ho can be pretty nasty herself. You feel me?!
