Help with family stuff please

Okay so right now I'm going through a fairly major transition in life (see the related OG thread), and while I feel like I am growing personally, I am growing away from my family. Alcohol is a big deal with my family, I'm the only person over 17 who doesn't drink virtually every day. So it is akward a lot of times when I go home, I have trouble relating to them. I don't want to sit around and drink all the time, you know?

But I used to drink a lot too. I was wondering what would be emotionally healthier (without getting into right/wrong, legal/illegal), for me to try to find some way to spend quality time with them without drinking, or just start drinking again so we'll have something in common. I think I could drink and keep it under control, I don't necessarily have a drinking problem so much as I have a fighting/sex problem when I'm going to parties regularly. Too much testosterone I guess :) Thanks everybody.

Joey does everything you do as a family involve alcohol? I would say do things that alcohol would not be in the picture..maybe church, a movie,plays, museums, or maybe you should approach your family members that have a problem and let them know how it affects you and the younger members of your family

yours in Christ

sherm

Bro, my dad told me this once:

"If someone gave me something that made me feel like I do when I have a hangover, I'd try to kill that bastard with my bare hands. The shitty part is that I do it to myself."

Having gone through my own drinking phase, I can only recommend that you be the stronger man and refrain. It might suck at first and make you feel awkward around your family, but eventually they'll get the hint and all will be cool.

Good luck man!

SCRAP

All to common nowadays. Good that you are seeing it's negative effects. Theres a whole other group that glorifies it.

Give your family some space, do your own thing that's healthy for you. They'll come around.

my mom left her family alone...she comes from a similar background.

Search for other common ground besides what you've gave up for vaious reasons. Your family so there's common ground there, share in their life as much as possible. Be an example of an individual who is happy, relaxed, and not chemically dependant for a good time. Also, as someone has already pointed out, go off with'em every now and then. And places that alcohol isn't the central passtime. Games, movies, dinner, etc.



And again, be an example for any younger relatives that drinking isn't necessary for happiness, wholeness, or relaxing.



Puzzled

Puzzled is correct.

Thanks y'all. Yeah, we haven't gone to church as a family in years, even when we try to watch a movie together everybody just winds up drinking during the movie.

But it isn't as much a problem as it was when I was a kid, so far everyone stays pretty civil about it. If it ever gets to the point it used to, that will be the last time I go home.

Thanks again everybody.

Oh and Scrap, on your "Sandbag Death" workout, what changes would you make if I wanted to drag the 150# bag backwards as opposed to towing it? Any weight/equipment changes, or just drag it backwards? Thanks.

Towing the bag works the bejeebus out of your hamstrings, glutes, and lower back. Pulling it backwards works the bejeebus out of your quads. Kind of a "pick your poison" situation...;)

The weight can stay the same...just pick one that focuses on what you perceive your weak spot to be.

Good luck!

Awesome. At work at the meathouse, we do a lot of lifting/dragging dead bodies, basically just like the sandbag workout only with heavier loads and no dips/pushups at work lol So I thought while I'm not competing in any sports, I may as well train for work.

Good thinking! Hey, I read your post on the OG. Here's my $.02:The "perception" other people have of you is really, still, your perception. Is there a self-image that we all have? Yep, but that's not who we really are. Working on "fixing" the actions (like drinking and other things we try to "stop") won't make them go away until you deal with the image that dictates you "act" in a particular manner. If you think you drink, fight, etc. because "that's just who I am" then you will probably continue to do those things. If you take a look at "who" you consider yourself to be, aggressively question the beliefs you hold to be TRUE, and take a logical approach to overcoming the limiting beliefs that you, literally, put in your own way...the changes you make will be lasting ones. Of course, changing the self-image isn't always as easy as 1, 2, 3 since we've been doing things to reinforce that image most of our lives. Like I said, aggressively question the ideas you have of yourself and look at them in a logical manner with regard to the following questions:Why do I believe this about myself? Is this belief based on an actual FACT or on an assumption or false conclusion?Is there any rational reason for such a belief?Could it be that I'm mistaken in this belief?Would I come to the same conclusion about some other person in a similar situation?Why should I continue to act and feel as if this were true if there is no good reason to believe it? These excellent questions are taken out of Maxwell Maltz's "Psycho-Cybernetics". It's an awesome book with tons of great information. I have read much of this same type of stuff before but the new version updated by Dan Kennedy puts a refreshing edge to it. Another good set of questions regarding inquiry was written by Byron Katie in the book "Loving What Is":Can I know this thought to be true? Can I know this thought to be ABSOLUTELY TRUE? Who am I when I hold this thought to be true? Who would I be without this thought?The answers, the strength, and the ability to make yourself happy are all within you already. Not to sound like a big sap or anything like that, but that's what I believe. Good luck bro! Keep me posted on the workouts and email me if you have questions. SCRAP

Awesome. Okay I'll try to outline the whole situation as concisely as possible: When I was a kid (0-8 years) my family, esp. my dad and uncles, had a drinking problem. Fights, screaming, cussing all the time. Made me a pretty angry and aggressive kid. I remember once around 6 or 7 I tried to fight a grown man because he was drunk and picking at my dog. Stuff like that.

Then at around 8, everything changed. We all started going to church, everything was great for a few years. But I grew up in a poor small town, nothing for kids to do except church or drinking, drugs, fighting and sex. You would think I would've picked church but I wanted a change. This is around 12-13 years. So my parents continued on in church, I, then later my brother, started drinking, smoking pot, and getting into fights all the time.

Around 16 or 17, I started really slowing down on everything, getting ready for college, having relationships with girls instead of just trying to get in their pants. Started making positive progress. Going in to college, I was great. Good grades, full scholarship, long term relationship, etc. Then the two year relationship ended. Drinking every day again. About one year ago.

Now, I've grown tired of all that. I've got a few friends that I do stuff other than drink and party with, and I have a lot more fun with them. I haven't drank in over a month, my grades are coming up, everything is great.

But...there is still the perception, especially among my friends at home, of me being the beer drinker and hell raiser I used to be. And me being a sissy, I don't want to look like a sell out and tell them I don't drink anymore.

And with my family, they are drinking again, but like I said, so far it hasn't really caused any problems. But they are drinking more and more, and "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure", ya know? Plus my little brother (I also have a S&C tread lol) is going down the same path I did, except where I started to turn away from it he has dove in headfirst. No plans for college, no plans for anything, just worried about where he's gonna get his next beer. It kills me y'all. I want to help them, but at the same time I'm trying hard enough to help myself, it almost feels like my family is a bad influence on me right now. So I'm struggling.

Your not a sellout. Im willing to bet that your friends will respect you if you tell them whats up and why your doing what your doing. They know your not a sissy, they've been around you. Don't let them give you undo shit...thats the best influence you can be on your little brother, to stand up for what you believe is right and show everyone you mean it.

Seriously bro, are you a sissy because you dictate your own actions or are you a sissy because you let other people dictate how you're going to act?

Strength lies in the courage to see WHAT IS instead of what other people tell us.

SCRAP

UPDATE: So I came home this weekend, I think my brother is pumped about working out, things aren't so bad. I actually think he's gonna get back in shape and start fighting again, he fought some pretty big guys this weekend at a party and did pretty good. Good stuff. I think drinking is bringing my family together to an extent, gives them something to do together. Things aren't so bad.

Hey joey,
This is your buddy Robert. Look I know how it can be when you are the only guy not drinking. It is really awkward at first but trust me, it gets better. Its just like anything, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Just hang out man and have a good time without the alcohol. It is possible. I dont want to seem like a know it all or whatever but the easiest way to change is to allow God to change you. I dont know if i ever told you how i was before i became a christian but I will anytime you want me to. When i was saved God changed me dramtically. I'll tell you more later but, just hang in there. And I will be your sober buddy whenever you need me to.