How Did You Find Your Gardener?

Looking for a new gardener, the reviews on Yelp are horrible for most of them.
How did you find yours ?

Met him at a gay bar.

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I followed the trail of empty gin bottles.

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That’s a landscaper


Do it yourself


My wife says he is really good.

After being quoted 125 friggin’ bucks to mow, blow, and go 15 years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and said “Self, you are now the gardener, too.”.

It really, really sucks some days but on the whole I don’t regret it.

Now, my lot is huge for the ‘burbs and I’m in a "gouge’ em" zip code, so your mileage may vary.

Are you really asking this question on a forum filled with sexual deviants?

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I’m still searching for him.

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If you’d chain them in the yard like a good owner, you wouldn’t have lost 'em.


It wasnt easy. She was in demand and it turns out women run faster with their skirt up than men do with their pants down.

Worth the hassle for the tulips alone.

My butler actually recommended him to me during my morning tea.

I go to the local house with a sign in the yard that says No Human Is Illegal and let them know I am hiring BIPOC agriculture artists for a living wage. Gay Mexicans come out of the woodworks.

Move this to CelebrityGround

Stop using Yelp. Yelp is a trash company that is a scam. Look on the comments on FB under every ad Yelp has for themselves. It’s 99% business owners talking about how Yelp manipulates your ratings. As a business owner, I’ve experienced it firsthand. They are disgusting criminals.

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Approach them when they are working at a neighbors house.

I’ve been doing this already.
Most are unlicensed, uninsured, or have horrible reviews.

Contacted over 50 so far, most do not respond.
Made 2 appointments for estimates, both did not show up.

And that’s another reason why I stopped dealing with gardeners. Unreliability.

They fuck shit up, they show up whenever they please, they half-ass the work they actually do, and that’s if they show up at all. I’d deduct the cost of broken sprinklers (and sometimes my labor) when I found out 2 days later they broke them. They always whined about it, said it must have been the kids (we have none) or the dog (that’s inside).
Fuck you, Paco. Your shit work will cost you.

Got tired of finding busted sprinklers, got tired of funky weeds because they never clean their machines, got tired of burned grass from mowing too short, got tired of missing landscape rock because they rake the shit out of everything…

Honestly, I don’t know why anyone pays these fools at all.

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THIS! Fuck those guys.

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