For years I have told students, colleagues and seminar participants that:
"The longer they practice failure, the harder it becomes to recognize success"
When you practice something 'wrong' you get really really good at the 'wrong' thing."
Food for thought....
Anyhow, this just sent to me by a SF friend:
"Learn it right and you will do it right the rest of your life, learn it
wrong and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to get it right, and in
battle, you meatheads that get it wrong, the rest of your life will be very
-Sergeant Steve Prazenka-
(Bloody Bucket Division W.W.II)
**Re-affirmation of a prophetic concept is nice.
For years I have told students, colleagues and seminar participants that:
Tony, Would you classify the pratice of none comittment as the pratice of failure. It seems to me people who can't seem to follow through are suffering from some from of internal failure. Your thoughts please. With Respect Tom Campbell.
When I was in Marine Boot Camp (a VERY long time ago) they put you through all kinds of stuff that was scarey (at the time).
The drill instructures said it every day - Not to TRAY is FAILURE, in order to try you must comitt to FINISH.
I had an old coach who said, "To be beaten by another will hurt for days, to be beaten by fear will hurt for a lifetime."
There is a sign that hangs in my gym which says "When you get good at making excuses, it's hard to be any good at anything else".
Stay in the groove !!
The psychology of success eludes so many people. There are some fundamental components or ingredients that are available to 'all' of us.
Inside those two simple components lays an infrastructure so simple its complex. I called it the CYCLE OF BEHAVIOR. And it is a mental blueprint or map to success. It explains how motivation and expectations can get trapped in a 'fear loop' and it also shows you how to get out and move towards your goals.
The problem, like I wrote is that the process is so easy it becomes complicated. How simple is Nike's JUST DO IT slogan? But how many talk and how many have the next t-shirt that reads JUST DID IT!
Did you know that it is estimated that only 5% - 7% of all people who start a book actually finish it? How many people are unhappy with their jobs, but stay there for years? How many do not know what the word 'obsequious' means and WON'T bother to look it up? IN other words, it doesn't take much effort to settle for mediocrity.
An analogy I have often used is that of a cooking metaphor: Though ingredients are available to all, and recipes are available to all...some people still can't cook.
But the truth is, some people 'choose' not to cook. And that's the problem.
Don't 'tell' me you're a painter if you can't show me your canvas.
Let me share a frequent happening for me on my seminars: Most of my sessions are train the trainer type. I have met many martial arts instructors who have said to me after my street defense session:" it's too bad you can't make money teaching real self-defense, I'd love to do this, but I need to offer all those other classes to make ends meet."
I always smile, pause and say, "Good thing I didn't know that."
What I'm saying is that when I chose to follow my dream and create a system based a vision I had, I too had to deal with the pesky gremlins of fear nagging at me, the nay Sayers, and saboteurs.... I chose to create a fear management program based on behaviorally sound concepts to develop a solid self-defense program all the while experiencing the 'fear or fear'. That took commitment.
So whether it is conscious or unconscious, all success comes down to appreciating and understanding the fundamental component: the management of fear.
The serendipity of 'managing ones fear' is that it always leads to a NEW you; to the 'you' you are meant to be. Confronting fear empowers and is the catalyst to 'self-actualization'. It was in tying to understand fear that I developed the PANIC ATTACK system. It was in trying to explain fear that I created the CEREBRAL SELF-DEFENSE program. It was in trying to understand fear DURING the PANIC ATTACK session that I developed the SPEAR SYSTEM. It was because of the these programs that I designed HIGH GEAR...because I confronted my personal fears when I first started training & teaching that all these other important discoveries were made. Managing fear defines you. Managing fear helps elevate & empower you.
Humans are living organisms and we are meant to grow; life presents us with obstacles to test our intuitive appreciation of this truth, to help us discover who we are and what we value and what we want to be.
When we shirk those responsibilities we condemn our personal growth. This is a universal truth.
So your question Tom raises an important issue. Non-Commitment can be attributed to many things: fear created from environmental stresses experienced as a child, or social stresses & pressures. It can be an avoidance created because of a self-image problem, insecurity. But it always comes down to fear. Fear of something, whether its' winning, losing, power, control, whatever. It's all the same.
So whether it's about being an actor, being a fighter, raising kids, starting a business, whatever, the subject isn't important, the effort is, that's where the only important education lays, in the effort. Once the goal has been met and new one must be set.
If you know you want to do something then chances are you also 'need' to do something about it.
Avoiding it, excusing it, rationalizing it will always leave a void in your heart or head [dooming you to have that recurring 'if only I had' moment when you're sitting in the proverbial rocking chair of life]. This behavior, if it becomes chronic, weakens.
So, because of that one word in your original sentence, the word 'practice', my answer is YES; if someone were to consistently demonstrate a 'practice' of non-commitment then what he or she is getting good at is 'failure'. Whether it is failure, as in falling on their face or failure to follow-through, it is still failure, because the original goals are never being met.
Understand I am being very literal here. For example, on the forum I often asked about fear and intimidation and I tell people to forget about wining & losing and to just go for the Intellectual Capital, do it to build their self-net worth, the 'wealth of experience'.
So is competing and losing failing? No. If the goal was to just compete then the experience was a win. Trying to win always leads to failure [unless and until you are at a competitive level, like a Tiger Woods or a Frank Shamrock where winning is the objectives because all other objectives have been met; being the best in the world is a goal, training is the strategy, competing is the plan towards fulfilling the goal].
Strategy related to self-growth must be done in stages. If you've never run a day in your life, do not enter a marathon to get started. Chances are you'll quit or not even show up on the day of the race.
Do this sort of thing too often and it is both habit forming & noxious. [You talk, you start to walk, and you stop. Repeat]. The real danger is two-fold. The practice of non-commitment is emotionally lethal. It'll kill your confidence and it can destroy the confidence of your peer group. And depending on the scope or frequency of this behavior it can undo relationships because it destroys trust.
Everyone, to some degree runs a 'self-sabotage' program [which is what I feel this process it really]. This cripples many in the world; they can't sustain a relationship, or hold a job, etc. They are always blaming someone else, never stopping to realize that every time the problems recurs 'they' are standing in the room [Mathematically speaking, they are the 'constant'!]
This process can be changed but it requires awareness and then, yes, irony of irony: commitment. And that's reason most do not move past this...they can't commit to commitment.
Again, its not about the winning or the losing, its about getting in there and being a participant in life.
Hope this helps, sincerely,
I don't know if this appropriate , but after reading
the above this quote popped into my head.
"All too often we prepare to fail by failing to prepare
Just my thought!
Keep it up!!!
Wow Tony, that's so true.
That thread will probably be one of the turning point of my life!
Thank you for taking the time to write on this forum, and helping me grow has a person.
Tony, Thanks so much for answering my post so promptly. That is with out a doubt the most literate post I have had the honor to read. Please anyone who reads this turn as many people on to this responce as possable. With Respect Tom Campbell
What an awsome post. I will definitly
be pondering it for quite some time!
You blow my mind...
BTW: Mind if I borrow, "mathematically speaking they are the constant..."
Thank You, Tony-
I just want to thank you for the profound words...
There are many times when I have lacked the courage to look within because I was afraid of what I might find and even more afraid of what I might have to do about it...
There have also been some times when I could wear the "Just Did It" tee shirt.
How wonderful it is to be the Master instead of the Slave. (Scenario Dictates).
But I am very thankful that I have a Coach and a Team that I respect to keep me honest, inspired and on the road to true freedom. I have always thought that my association with Tony Blauer and the PDR Team would be a turning point in my life.
I'm even more sure of it now.
Mike (Work in Process)
Awesome stuff coach!
Thanks much! Very well stated! Clearly, living it has awarded you the experiences and in turn the ability from which to freely and spontaneously express it. You know the landscape!
Expand or contract. Your ability to manage fear determines the depth and distance your soul will travel within and throughout this rich landscape of life.
Stay the coarse,
"The way out...is in"
I'm running out of melodies to compose your words to. I mean, how many anthems can one guy have?! ;-)
Way to tell it. Keep it coming!
WOW!!! Another great post on the Edge!!! This will be kept in my car before I go to class(in case of an emergency!!) Big John
Thnaks guys, please share this info with your friends & colleagues, there's so much more to the post and the MENTAL EDGE than punch block kick!
PUNCH, BLOCK, KICK...Who comes here for that??
Always such a pleasure to visit. Thanks for the heads up on this one Tony.