GROUNDnLB - We're both 43 and have a 2.5 year old. A couple of years ago we had very similar compensation, but she took a lesser role (went to HR Senior Manager from Director) after our daughter was born so she had much more flexibility with her hours, almost no travel, and way better work life balance.
During the same time I got a couple of promotions to land in senior management at a Bank.
So we went from around 50-50 to 65-35 (I make almost double once you factor in stock options).
We always have, and still do, split the chores. However she does more picking up and dropping off our daughter at daycare. We usually leave the house and get back to the house at the same time, so we have similar downtime.
That's the important thing. If one person is earning more and has longer hours, the other person in the relationship, should take the reigns with chores so both have equal downtime.
That was a huge issue with my last relationship, and one of the main reasons why I ended it. She loved my income, but didn't want to contribute around the house when she came back from work, while I still had 1-2 hours of busting my ass. I had 1/3 of her leisure time, and she didn't think that was unfair. Oh, but we share in my income right? F-U. A marriage or long-term relationship is a TEAM. Each plays their part to help out the team.
Your story at the end is pretty much what I am dealing with now. I leave the house at 5am. I don't return until 4:30pm. Our incomes are around 60/40. I am doing most of the chores and duties and she is pay about 17% of the bills, and I work longer hours. Don't think I can deal with this because it is only going to get worse.
Yes, some women have a warped sense of entitlement.
Dude, I know changing circumstances is always tough, but I am slapping myself just thinking how stupid I was to wait so long. Always thinking it would get better, and it never did for more than a week at a time.
I used to come him everyday after 9-10 hours and see her playing with the Wii, or watching TV. Dinner not done, garden not watered, nothing done. She complained why I was lagging with the chores. What?! I get home at 6:30 or 7, need to go to bed around 10:30 to get up early, meanwhile you are home before 5! You don't have to do 2 hours of fucking chores, but do at least 30 minutes to help me out since I'm working 10 hours more than you each and every week.
Contrast this to my relationship now, where even when we were earning the same, if she got off work early one day, she would want to make me dinner so when I got home, we can have a relaxing dinner together. Always going out of the way to do things.
It's really hard for people to change on things like this. You need to really think about what you want your long-term relationship to be like, and wishing someone to change....that is a losing proposition, my friend. Don't think about being outside your comfort zone for the next few months if you end it. Think about 2,3,5 years plus from now, and what will make you the happiest
I make 40 k more than the wife. She does the majority of chores at home, preps dinner, etc. I'm in charge of keeping the boys occupied, which is fun for me anyway.
GROUNDnLB - We're both 43 and have a 2.5 year old. A couple of years ago we had very similar compensation, but she took a lesser role (went to HR Senior Manager from Director) after our daughter was born so she had much more flexibility with her hours, almost no travel, and way better work life balance.
During the same time I got a couple of promotions to land in senior management at a Bank.
So we went from around 50-50 to 65-35 (I make almost double once you factor in stock options).
We always have, and still do, split the chores. However she does more picking up and dropping off our daughter at daycare. We usually leave the house and get back to the house at the same time, so we have similar downtime.
That's the important thing. If one person is earning more and has longer hours, the other person in the relationship, should take the reigns with chores so both have equal downtime.
That was a huge issue with my last relationship, and one of the main reasons why I ended it. She loved my income, but didn't want to contribute around the house when she came back from work, while I still had 1-2 hours of busting my ass. I had 1/3 of her leisure time, and she didn't think that was unfair. Oh, but we share in my income right? F-U. A marriage or long-term relationship is a TEAM. Each plays their part to help out the team.
Your story at the end is pretty much what I am dealing with now. I leave the house at 5am. I don't return until 4:30pm. Our incomes are around 60/40. I am doing most of the chores and duties and she is pay about 17% of the bills, and I work longer hours. Don't think I can deal with this because it is only going to get worse.
Yes, some women have a warped sense of entitlement.
Dude, I know changing circumstances is always tough, but I am slapping myself just thinking how stupid I was to wait so long. Always thinking it would get better, and it never did for more than a week at a time.
I used to come him everyday after 9-10 hours and see her playing with the Wii, or watching TV. Dinner not done, garden not watered, nothing done. She complained why I was lagging with the chores. What?! I get home at 6:30 or 7, need to go to bed around 10:30 to get up early, meanwhile you are home before 5! You don't have to do 2 hours of fucking chores, but do at least 30 minutes to help me out since I'm working 10 hours more than you each and every week.
Contrast this to my relationship now, where even when we were earning the same, if she got off work early one day, she would want to make me dinner so when I got home, we can have a relaxing dinner together. Always going out of the way to do things.
It's really hard for people to change on things like this. You need to really think about what you want your long-term relationship to be like, and wishing someone to change....that is a losing proposition, my friend. Don't think about being outside your comfort zone for the next few months if you end it. Think about 2,3,5 years plus from now, and what will make you the happiest
Thanks dude. I am more concerned for the future. Right now she doesn't have a car payment, doesn't pay for her car registration and insurance due to her father. Once she is responsible for these items it's only going to get worse. I have spoken to her as an adult about these issues but I personally don't think she will change. I know I am going to resent the f out of her because I will basically be broke from her, have to do more work, and not even get laid much out of the deal.
I always made more than my wife until the last year or so, in which she switched jobs and got a significant raise, so now she makes a little more than me. Fine with me. It's more money for our family.
My wife could never be a "stay at home, cook, clean, 50's housewife" kind of person.
She's very much a career professional.
Being a stay-at-home housewife would kill her, and I wouldn't want her to do that anyway.
We are about equal in the chores department. She does more of the cooking, but i do the dishes and cleanup afterwards. She cleans the kitchen and bathrooms, I clean the living room, gym, kids rooms, and vacuum everything. I do a lot of the laundry itself, but she folds most of it (Screw up folding her shirts a few times and you will be off laundry folding duty. Tip for you guys!)
I do the lawn, the trash/dump, and house maintenance stuff. She pays most of the bills for us and keeps an eye on our accounts.
I drop the kids off at daycare/school in the morning, she picks them up at night.
We were a "Your money, My money" kind of relationship, where we each had separate account, paid our own bills, etc....until we had kids. Then we just combined everything to make it easier.
We split everything with the kids about 50/50. I don't like, nor do I want to be, one of those fathers who has his wife do everything with the kids and only really spends time with them on the weekends. I enjoy all the mundane things with the kiddos.
I've seen some couples where the dad really only does anything with the kids on Saturdays. The Wife does everything all week long, the dad will do something with them on Saturday, and then nothing on Sunday, because that is "his day off"
Just saw a couple divorce recently actually because of that set up.
The wife had enough after a few years of that.
If you ever bring up in an argument how much "more" you contribute, or how much "more" you do, IE keeping score, your relationship is probably fucked in the long run.
My wife and I make almost the same amount of money. We have no kids and aren't going to have any. She does most of the cleaning inside, and I do most of the yard work (we have 3 acres) and vehicle maintenance. We split the cooking duties since we're both good cooks.
1800champagne - My wife and I make almost the same amount of money. We have no kids and aren't going to have any. She does most of the cleaning inside, and I do most of the yard work (we have 3 acres) and vehicle maintenance. We split the cooking duties since we're both good cooks.
GROUNDnLB - We're both 43 and have a 2.5 year old. A couple of years ago we had very similar compensation, but she took a lesser role (went to HR Senior Manager from Director) after our daughter was born so she had much more flexibility with her hours, almost no travel, and way better work life balance.
During the same time I got a couple of promotions to land in senior management at a Bank.
So we went from around 50-50 to 65-35 (I make almost double once you factor in stock options).
We always have, and still do, split the chores. However she does more picking up and dropping off our daughter at daycare. We usually leave the house and get back to the house at the same time, so we have similar downtime.
That's the important thing. If one person is earning more and has longer hours, the other person in the relationship, should take the reigns with chores so both have equal downtime.
That was a huge issue with my last relationship, and one of the main reasons why I ended it. She loved my income, but didn't want to contribute around the house when she came back from work, while I still had 1-2 hours of busting my ass. I had 1/3 of her leisure time, and she didn't think that was unfair. Oh, but we share in my income right? F-U. A marriage or long-term relationship is a TEAM. Each plays their part to help out the team.
Your story at the end is pretty much what I am dealing with now. I leave the house at 5am. I don't return until 4:30pm. Our incomes are around 60/40. I am doing most of the chores and duties and she is pay about 17% of the bills, and I work longer hours. Don't think I can deal with this because it is only going to get worse.
Yes, some women have a warped sense of entitlement.
Dude, I know changing circumstances is always tough, but I am slapping myself just thinking how stupid I was to wait so long. Always thinking it would get better, and it never did for more than a week at a time.
I used to come him everyday after 9-10 hours and see her playing with the Wii, or watching TV. Dinner not done, garden not watered, nothing done. She complained why I was lagging with the chores. What?! I get home at 6:30 or 7, need to go to bed around 10:30 to get up early, meanwhile you are home before 5! You don't have to do 2 hours of fucking chores, but do at least 30 minutes to help me out since I'm working 10 hours more than you each and every week.
Contrast this to my relationship now, where even when we were earning the same, if she got off work early one day, she would want to make me dinner so when I got home, we can have a relaxing dinner together. Always going out of the way to do things.
It's really hard for people to change on things like this. You need to really think about what you want your long-term relationship to be like, and wishing someone to change....that is a losing proposition, my friend. Don't think about being outside your comfort zone for the next few months if you end it. Think about 2,3,5 years plus from now, and what will make you the happiest
Thanks dude. I am more concerned for the future. Right now she doesn't have a car payment, doesn't pay for her car registration and insurance due to her father. Once she is responsible for these items it's only going to get worse. I have spoken to her as an adult about these issues but I personally don't think she will change. I know I am going to resent the f out of her because I will basically be broke from her, have to do more work, and not even get laid much out of the deal.
She is not mother material. She is not wife material. You can't force her to be either of those things – but you shouldn’t tolerate her not being, either. So leave her and find a good woman.
When I was married it all just went into a bank account and the bills came out of it. Nothing was separate. In our case, however, she made a shit-ton more than me.
My personal circumstances are I earn an order of magnitude more than she does. She does most of the chores without me asking, other than cooking together which we enjoy (beep!).
But earnings aren't the point; it's free time that is important. I work ~15 hours per week more than her, plus I lift every day. If she earned more than me but had more spare time, I'd still expect her to contribute more in terms of chores.
If you've found a girl who isn't capable and willing to run a household, that's fine - you've found a friend with benefits. You haven't found a wife.
Chimonos Revenge - I always made more than my wife until the last year or so, in which she switched jobs and got a significant raise, so now she makes a little more than me. Fine with me. It's more money for our family.
My wife could never be a "stay at home, cook, clean, 50's housewife" kind of person.
She's very much a career professional.
Being a stay-at-home housewife would kill her, and I wouldn't want her to do that anyway.
We are about equal in the chores department. She does more of the cooking, but i do the dishes and cleanup afterwards. She cleans the kitchen and bathrooms, I clean the living room, gym, kids rooms, and vacuum everything. I do a lot of the laundry itself, but she folds most of it (Screw up folding her shirts a few times and you will be off laundry folding duty. Tip for you guys!)
I do the lawn, the trash/dump, and house maintenance stuff. She pays most of the bills for us and keeps an eye on our accounts.
I drop the kids off at daycare/school in the morning, she picks them up at night.
We were a "Your money, My money" kind of relationship, where we each had separate account, paid our own bills, etc....until we had kids. Then we just combined everything to make it easier.
We split everything with the kids about 50/50. I don't like, nor do I want to be, one of those fathers who has his wife do everything with the kids and only really spends time with them on the weekends. I enjoy all the mundane things with the kiddos.
I've seen some couples where the dad really only does anything with the kids on Saturdays. The Wife does everything all week long, the dad will do something with them on Saturday, and then nothing on Sunday, because that is "his day off"
Just saw a couple divorce recently actually because of that set up.
The wife had enough after a few years of that.
If you ever bring up in an argument how much "more" you contribute, or how much "more" you do, IE keeping score, your relationship is probably fucked in the long run.
This this this!!!
Very similar lifestyle for us too. I know for myself, I need to asses how much I really do. Since if I wash the dishes, and do the litter, etc... I have a tendency to think I am pulling my weight. However when I think about it, I notice my wife doing way more, so I feel like I need to step up a bit. My wife is the person who likes to do things for her family, but I don't want to take advantage of that, since she would never complain, and she deserves just as much downtime as well.
We got a cleaner to do all the shit we hate (cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting). We're 43, with good careers, so we figured we earned that luxury!
I love our partnership. My wife's bosses boss, the general manager of Canada has his wife stay at home. They live comfortably and go on nice vacations several times a year (a rarity in this day and age with one income), but he never see's his kids. Fuck that. No salary is worth missing out on your kids life. He doesn't see them during the week since he is at work and comes home after they sleep, and spends some time with them on the weekends, in between replying to work phone messages. That is no bueno.
I make roughy 3/4th of what my husband does, upcoming job will put me slightly closer though. Rent is split 50/50 other bills are split pretty evenly. It all goes into the same account but i have my bills set up around my paychecks and have a pretty tight schedule of what gets paid when. I also have more "personal" bills, my car insurance(he does not have ins.) a debt payment, a personal loan payment, life insurance payment for our 3kids and I, that was a close argument because he thinks its morbid.
I do 90% of the household work, laundry, dishes, cleaning, dinner cooking, grocery shopping etc. he cleans if we have people coming over. He mows and cooks dinner if its something on the grill. Thats not to say our house is immaculate, i don't enjoy having to constantly cleanup. I also do school online.
1800champagne - My wife and I make almost the same amount of money. We have no kids and aren't going to have any. She does most of the cleaning inside, and I do most of the yard work (we have 3 acres) and vehicle maintenance. We split the cooking duties since we're both good cooks.
How are bills divided?
All of our cash is in a joint account, and she pays the bills every month.
