How would a redneck describe sex? (Contest)

TheBearStare -

Letting the syrup out of aunt jemima

Winnie the PooHole

The sister with two backs

YOURDADDYDEVILANDLORD -

It's when ya take yer ol' trouser snake in ya hand, smack yer cousin in her dick licker for a bit while ya' stir around in her bearded clam, get dat sumbitch steamin'. Then ya take that there one eyed Willy and cram dat fucker up on in that there little sweetie pie. Ya gotta pound away like yer diggin' a fence post hole, get that baby batter up in there nice and good, yeaaahh.....in 12 years ya finally got somebody else what fer to make the tatter salad fer the family reunion!!!!

I read this in my best Karl Childers voice  ... Ummm Hm 

1 Like

Like mama slappin wet biscuit dough

Ruttin'

Noodlin'

Fishing with my quim stick

Wanna rub pissers?

Slide the skeeter right there in that cooter....

skullrivet -

Wanna rub pissers?

Same trane of thought but better is, "Wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?"

Squeal like a pig!

 

Yer gonna do some praying boy. And you better pray good. 

1 Like

Hoochin’

Beatin guts

Sittin on peepaws pud

pokin the possum.

you have to see if it is alive or ded.

Family reunion.

Sex is kinda like bacon grease on my fumunda cheese eggs. Bacon grease reminds of the hot sweaty, meat flaps on the outside  

and the cheese eggs remind me of the smell fumunda her hood and that warm scrambled inside. 

Not sure if this is what you’re looking for but here’s some shit I’ve heard rednecks say about sex:

”ya’ll ever cum so hard it’s like an electric chair and your leg kicks the coffee table?”

 

(when I brought up tantric meditational sex) “dang, I can’t convince my parents I’m taking a shit for 3 hours”

 

”I heard if you rub peanut butter on your dick every night it stays real smooth”

 

”what does it mean when you fuck a big girl and the room smells like garlic bread?”

1 Like

Keep in' it in tha family.

The "After Dark, Trailer Park, Meow and Bark."

 

Hurry up daddy, yer squirshin muh cigrettes.

1 Like

Wetter than shit 

Jesus Christ you fuckers are funny.

More please.

1 Like