I made a D&D char. - god help me

SO I got kind of intoxicated the other day and played some Dungeons and Dragons. I...I figured this was the best place to come forward about it. We made a character, and then went out till the bars closed. Then stayed up until 5 am playing an RPG.

I am an Orc. An Orc Monk. I haven't done much yet, but I stole a body and hid it on a building. I know Orc Jiu-Jitsu and have 20 strength. Also, my character is an Herbalist. My plan is to sell Orc-weed to the corrupt guardsman PC (he as at level three and I am a shoddy level one. Level one sucks). Apparently, I can speak Gnoll. I geuss I should assemble a band of hearty adventurers and go fight monsters or something.

D&D seems like the sort of thing that eats lives. At least I'm not playing video games or anything. I just wanted some advice on how to handle this sort of thing so it doesn't, you know...get out of hand.

20 STR....are you half gold dragon or something???

"I just wanted some advice on how to handle this sort of thing so it doesn't, you know...get out of hand."

Be sure to off-set your role-playing with plenty of MMA training and porn. This will keep your chi in balance.

My god, this could be the best nerd thread ever.

well i would say you have major problems lol

first u need to get a goblin source to get the real good underdark dank.

then at level 3 go to Candlekeep, south of baldurs gate and train at their MMA school under the half-orc tito orchead.

i would say enjoy using your imagination for entertainment

"people will be trying to armbar dragons and demons."

Wingbar and tailbar, IMO.

I was going through some shit in my garage today and came across some old Palladium books. I would totally get back into it if there were time. Maybe someday....whenever I have some kids I can get them into it.

I would just have to preface it with something like..."Now kids....This stuff is fun but daddy didn't meet anyone of the opposite sex until I was 19."

Of course if I have a girl I will just omit the above speech.LOL

Last time I played D&D was when I was about 20 years old. We would
get together once a week with about 10 friends and play. As we were
getting older, it became increasingly harder to get together and sit
down for 5 hours or whatever it took to play.

Uh... the porn will not offset D+D. If anything it will make it stronger. Real women are the way to offset rpgs, not fantasy women.

I need to get some hot cosplay chicks to play D&D with.

Don't we all


When we were out at the bar that night, we would attempt "dexterity feats" and jump all over shit and balance on crap. Unfortunately, we failed all of our diplomacy checks with the comely bar wenches. Their "sense motive" modifiers were too high.

I find that alcohol has a much higher "to hit" penalty than -1 for me....

"Uh... the porn will not offset D+D. If anything it will make it stronger. Real women are the way to offset rpgs, not fantasy women."

OK, but clearly he has come to the wrong place for advice.

20 strength on a lvl 1 char = insane GM

D&D is thick with miniatures now, and grid-placement battles etc etc.

A huge chunk of the fantasy part has been squashed for metrics.

Dont stare at me im hideous.

Half-orcs get +2 to str, so it's possible to have str of 20, if one throws 18 with three dice for that stat.

I am pure Orc. I have a +9 modifier on grappling checks, can jump ten feet from standstill fairly easily, and run 30 feet a round while carrying a human being. I am badassed.

im a big fan of the minatures game. its not roleplaying but it uses the d&d universe/creatures/rules to play a squad based tactical strategy game

its a lot like final fantasy tactics. the minis get diff abilities and can only do so much a round. very fun if your into tactical games. its not a 3d map like FFT but they do have spots on the map with ability modifiers or special tricks

for those serious about finding a group to play d&d with - call up hobbystores around your area, most have set areas for people to come in and play.

good way to meet interesting new people who are usually friendly if you leave the ego at the door

you're playing D&D 3.0 or 3.5 if your half-orc has a Str 20. i hope he's got a high Con or at least a decent Dex and Wis cause he'll need it to survive until he gets 10th level (if v3.0). will be easier if v3.5 since you're unarmed attacks will strike as if magic weapons by 4th level.