I know this should be in the OG but i need answers from other spirtual people and people who will take me serious. So, please do not move it.
I have a big dilema i guess one could say. I started seeing my current gf who has had sex before. I wanted to basically be good in bed so i wanted to lose my virginity to my ex as well so i could be betetr with her i guess (i know stupid theory). The thing is i kept putting it off with my ex and i ended up losing my virginity to my gf now. The thing is i called my gf by my exs name a couple times and she kept sayin i still loved her. So, i wanted to find out if i did actually lover her in order to trully be faithful wiht my gf, i couldn't date her and still love my ex in my head.
For whatever reason i thought the only way i could do this is to sleep with my ex (i don't know how i justified these acitons in my head, maybe because my gf had sex so many times with her ex or w.e i honestly don't know). I ended up having sex with my ex, if youd call it that... i ended up not finishing because i went limp because i knew what i was doing was wrong, i didn't even get it hard enough to have sex in the first place. But to get to the end of the story i know for sure i have no feelings towards my ex. But i still keep sayin her name in my head i think its because i feel guilty for cheating on my current gf.
Heres where my problem comes in. I trully love my gf and she loves and treats me better than anyone in this world ever has. She has told me she'll be with me forever unless i cheat on her. I feel i should tell her but i risk losing her for life, shes the one i really want to be with. In my mind at the time i felt it wasn't really cheatin though because we had just started datin and i needed to know if i liked my ex or not in order to either continue the current relationship or end it.
I REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL shes the only reason i stayed in uni for first semester. I was depressed alot and she helped me through it. I don't know if i could take losing her... i don't know what i should do here.
This is why i ask you guys.