If you were the absolute ruler of earth, what laws would you enact?

So let’s just say you wake up tomorrow morning with ultimate say over the entire world, what laws would you enact?

One of my pet peeves is people who litter so I’m thinking some extreme penalty for those that litter. Something like being put neck deep into a vat of liquid shit for a few days or something.

Also, immediate death penalty for child molesters and rapists.

Ok, OG, what would your laws be?


Plastic apart from for medical use to be phased out in 5 years.

A bunch of environmental protection stuff

Anyone caught poaching rare animals is fed to a tiger.

Revoke any dumb woke laws (no one gives a fuck about your feelings and we need dumb liberals and dumb conservatives so pipe down pussies)

Also revoke any laws that encourage shit like burkas etc.

I’d probably be assassinated at about that point


All ***** must hang


Well first off get ride of this covid nonsnese

Outlaw wearing of masks in all places, I don’t care if its a private business fuck you this is America. Outlaw any required vaccines , again don’t care if its a private business or not they can go fuck themselves

Lift any and all covid restrictions business is open back up , NO MASKS NO VACCINES!

I would then invite every elected democrat to take a helicopter ride with me.

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Rachel Dratch Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live

Stay with me here. No more bikini tops. Just tittys flopping everywhere. Sure 75% are gonna make us all puke but that 25%, amIright.

  1. 5 year sunset clause on all laws.
  2. Then immediately make it illegal for anyone to be absolute ruler, ever, forever.

All fat girls will be put on diet and exercise programs and not let outside until they are within an acceptable weight range.

Beer now runs through drinking fountains, fuck water!

Prostitution and drugs are all legal, you break any laws under the influence and you’ll receive a stricter punishment.

No taxes except for a 10% tithe on all income.

Everybody walks backwards on Tuesdays… why? Because fuck you that’s why!


I would get rid of all that targeted advertising bullshit online.
The internet would be more like cable TV on steroids.
We can go wherever we want, but companies aren’t allowed to keep track.
Everyone sees the same commercials.


anyone who runs their windshield wipers on full speed during a light drizzle would be hanged.



And Islamic extremists and communists would be fucked.

Also… I would do a bunch of shit just to piss liberals off.

Prime Time TV would have a multitude of shows dedicated to comedy based on race, gender, and other stereotypes.

Also… Hollywood would be mandated to make more westerns.

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I would ban the OP from posting anywhere on social media.

Zero Islam. An Anti Western Civilization union that punishes those who violate the rules by hanging… Pledge allegiance to the country you call home or else. Also pedophiles will be hung and others will be hung. I got a fucked up vision but there’s no Muslims or progressive libs.

  1. Forced sterilization of anybody on welfare, and default sterilization of Africa, India and Pakistan.

  2. Africa fenced off, nobody leaves and zero further aid.

  3. Death penalty to any politician / Gov employee that steals.

  4. Universal basic income for anybody NOT employed by the Gov and over 18. (Will serve as a. Incentive to reduce Gov and incubate more entrepreneurial opportunities as people will have a backup.

  5. I will chip everybody…. If you want your UBI in point 4, you better get chipped.

  6. Global passport, if you are chipped, and receive your UBI, you can travel anywhere freely.

  7. Death penalty for violent crime, full stop. Public execution of said criminals.

  8. Free education for any useful field.

“Eye for an eye”

Also, pedophiles, rapists, child molesters and the like will first be raped by a willing participant. Then have their genitals mutilated and broadcast on public television.

Yea it makes no sense. I would be a horrible ruler.


Hangings and canings. I would make them public and they would occur daily.

I believe public decency can only be maintained through strength and justice. I have the resolve to see these through.

Caning for most non violent crime (financial fraud, theft, etc). Hangings for many violent crimes. Kid diddlers, rioters, rapists, murderers.

We would give every single person this country a yellow whiffle ball bat. If anyone had more than 10 asshole votes against them, they are instantly green lit for 24 hours. Shit would be straightened out very quickly.

No illegal guns. Whiffle bats coming. 1 week amnesty period to hand over all illegally owned firearms. Legal firearms still remain.

Amnesty for Kyle.

The child molester/rapist/murder thing. All good, except I’d make a committee of victims and victims families to distribute the punishment.

My dog could go in any building in any time. Other dogs could too providing they didn’t fuck with other people.

Martial arts, wrestling, physical training required as part of education. It’s good for EVERYONES head.

Horse sex would be repaid by horse sex (horse administration). Sorry, just some kid fucking horses here south of Boston. Not cool.

That’s all I got, but I’m sticking by whiffle ball bats to cure the world. You wouldn’t be an asshole if you were green lit a few times.

Make the US constitution the constitution of the world.

Minus the 19th amendment.


Pretty good, except fuck your dog. You don’t need to bring that slobbering dumbass to Lowe’s or the DMV.

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Breeding licenses.

And no, it wouldn’t be personal or political.

It would just require the potential parents to demonstrate the ability to actually provide for their child.

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