For the last three years I'v been fighting against the hardest opponent I'v ever faced. This opponent has no style, no weightclass, he's not even a fighter. What has been dominating me with a savage G&P is mental illness. Every time I think I have escaped it's control after it brings me down, I'm taken right back down. It's fuckin everything up and I don't think I can hang in anymore. It's been doing too much damage. Feel like I wanna just tap out and end it. Aint it a bitch that I can control men much bigger then me and have the strength to make the toughest men tap out but cant control what goes on in my on mind. All I know is cant win unless I keep on fighting but the will to fight on is getting' weak. My face is full of cuts from the way it makes me act infront of my lady, my hands are broke because my illness has an iron jaw, I have a concussion from the inner turmoil within my mind. This shit is fuckin' my whole life up. The mats call for my hands to give it those three taps are getting louder and louder. A physical fight aint shit...No one should ever fear any man a flesh. Those types of fights are the easiest. Because if my hand doesn't get raised at the end of this fight then I'm out for the infinite count.
Just gotta be like Enson in a fight like that.....NEVER TAP!
hey bro, email me.vlucero1123@yahoo.com. i had your fight, sometimes it rears its fucking head up, try meds. they really work. hope to hear from you soon.
Chojin:
Bro, keep your chin up and know that there are others like you all over the world, fighting the same battle. You hang in there and surround yourself with good folk and definitely talk to a professional.
All the best,
Joe Silvia
Well written.
Good luck to you sir.
ChojinValeTudo,
Im sorry you are going through that struggle. My favorite quote: I wouldnt give a fig for the simplcity on this side of complexity, but I would give my right arm for the simplicity on the far side of complexity. Right now you are in the middle of complexity.
This is on of the toughest battles you will ever face. Work as hard at this as you do the rest of your life. Buy "Feeling good, The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. It isnt some hokey self-help book.
Also, talk to a professional. Medication can sometimes give you that window of opportunity that you need to understand what is going on.
Dont drink alcohol. It is a depressant that not only makes things worse while drinking, but it has depressant effects that can last days.
Many of us have been there and gotten through it. This kind of struggle can only make you a better person in the long run (although it doesnt feel like it right now).
Its not a battle that you choose to fight, but one that many must fight. Hang in there.
I know what your going through to a point with out knowing you. Just stay.
Seek help from qualified professionals and surround yourself in positive people. Sounds too simple, I know, but that's always the best way to address that kind of problem.
Hang in there Bro, you are stronger then the illness and have way more skills then giving yourself credit for.
Just coming to grips with a problem and addressing it is the first major step to recovery :)
Don't tap..
Don't tap bro. Surround yourself with positive people and get some professional help. Focus on your writing because you obviously have talent.
keep your head up, don't give up
ChojinValeTudo, I won't pretend to know what you're going thru, but I will tell you this... you can't give up hope! Ever. No matter how bad it seems, how much easier it might look to just tap to it. Don't. Remember the thread you posted on The Zen of Rampage? Some of the quotes you put were: On life and uncertainty: "S#@* happens, and s#@*" & On fighting philosophy: "I'm gonna knock a muthaf@#$er out!" Well, it's true, shit does just happen, the trick is to use it to get over the crap that tries to keep you down...... so you can knock that muthaf@#$er out!
In a thread I made once, you wrote "And a bunch of others I'm to drunk to remember". Drinking doesn't help in any way shape or form, it's a depressant, all it does is help your problem seem bigger & unescapable, making you feel theres no hope. Stop it! Now for all those problems that are doing too much damage.... it's because you aren't getting the right help! Don't wait until you're brain gives in to the g&p, go now & find someone who can help.... Everyone has a talent in life, don't let mental turmoil keep you from enjoying it. Ausgepicht is right, talk to someone who specializes in what you're feeling.
Remember.... "There has no temptation come your way that is not common to all mankind, but God will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength, but will, when you are tempted, also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it."
Find that "someone" who can help you beat it! Don't listen to those mats that keep calling for your hands to give in to those three taps..... 3 years is nothing compared to a lifetime being free from whats got ahold of you..... you're much stronger than you know or you wouldn't be here to talk about it. Don't quit now, theres always HOPE, count on that & not the infinite count you mentioned. Only then will you see your hand raised as a winner......... and I agree with GROUNDCONTROL, you do have talent!
Listen to what they are saying. U need to find out what is going on. The only way to do that is to talk to someone. Many programs r available and our insurance might even cover it. Low cost services can also be available from 10-15 a session. There is help out there.
Chojin, I feel for you. Despite most of the people on here being smart asses, myself included. That is simply due to the anonymity factor. I hope you realize that life is not worth giving up. There are people who suffer everyday with dibilitating illnesses, and diseases ravishing their bodies. There are people who wake up everyday and work 2 or 3 jobs just to be able to provide for their families. With all the ugliness and rotten things this life can overwhelm anyone. But realize that just as bad as things can get, they can always get turned around. The biggest thing is keeping a positive attitude in the worst of times.
This fight. That means you get back up, shake it off, & learn why you lost that fight. You are not a loser because you don't win everytime, you only lose........ when you quit trying! !
Please don't give up......
no email yet, i hung myself when i was 16, had soiled myself already, i was almost gone. i woke up in a helicopter thoughtt i was dead. it still pops up every now and again. i am going to ttt my interview, please read it, my kids keeped me strong. i would of never felt there love, and what its like to be loved that way. your loved bro take care be strong,and remember weve all had bad days before, nothing will ever be worse then what weve been through already..
Ray Elbe is correct.
hang in there bro
ttt