i don't know what to say. it's 2:10am on a saturday morning and i'm losing it. i started to think about everything that has ever went on in my life and what's going on now and the only constant that remains is that jits has kept me sane. we are a different breed. i'm not talking the guys getting into it now. i'm talking guys who have been in it a while.. the ups and downs. when seeing a purple belt at a tournamet was fucking big time.
my dad is retired and having to take up more jobs just to make ends meet. my mom was just put in a wheelchair. my best uncle is going to die in less than a few weeks from bone cancer and is asking if i'd help carry his casket. i don't know what to do at times. the only thing other than playing w/ my kids that has kept me from ruining myself has been bjj... it must be the types of friendships we build. that intimacy formed between a group of people that train together that often... i honestly can show up to class w/ all this in my mind and thankfully some young buck blue or purple will make me be on my toes and i forget all the BS going on.
just venting... i just want to know you're guys' experience w/ adversity and bjj/grappling's effect...
i don't know where i'd be now if i never ended up taking my first class. probably doing alot of things i shouldn't.
Right now I'm trying to help my Mother all I can while she battles Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS). It isnt easy watching her lose the use of her arms and legs (the legs no longer work and she struggles to breathe). If that wasnt enough, my Father, who I'm not close with, but feel some obligation to, is dying of brain cancer. Lastly, my stepfather, who takes care of my Mother, has prostate cancer, but thankfully it is in check for now.
It has been an insane year and I've struggled to not completely lose it. Jiu jitsu has been a big part of keeping me sane.
I can relate to a degree, my father in law just got done with stomach cancer surgery at U of M. BJJ and Judo helps to sort things out. Even if it is for an hour or two.
I'm always thrown when I see you posting seriously. My thoughts are with your family.
I agree with you. When you're on the mat, you're forced to push everything else aside. There isn't room for the troubles in your life when you're worried about the hand in your collar.
I've grown up alot, but i've always been categorized by my friends as eccentric and fucking crazy. Kids was the answer. That and i truly believe in "karma" and that i just want people to be touched in a good way by my being around in their life. yeah, i messed around alot w/ people in jest, but those of them that actually met me in person will tell you i'm a good dude, i hope. and i use the word "dude" which makes me really cool.
Andre, it's crazy. I hate watching my parents get old. The worst i'd say is my father. Physically he's still like a bull. He reminds me of a tony soprano.. he's a true case of a loss of potential... the guy can compute calculus in his head no problem... can take apart engines and reassemble w/ no formal training... is a master plumber, electrician, and mechanic all on his own doing, no schooling or training, just reading books and doing it.... came to this country and it was bad for him, kind of got trapped.... now i have to look at him in the eyes when he's telling me everything is OK at home and they are fine, when my sister and mother tell me otherwise, how he sometimes has to leave the house so as not to break down... it fucking kills me. My kids and jiu jitsu are the best rememdy for that. As shitty (not shitty but more distant) my father was to me as a kid (eastern european male mentality) he is different to my sons. he is like a kid w/ them and it's good to see my dad wasn't really the beta version of Fedor.
I can relate to what you are going through. Bjj has helped me in so many
ways. I sometimes think about the spirtiual aspect that other TMA have
and that we supposedly don't.
Bjj makes you "spiritual" if you pay attention to it. You mentioned the
word karma. I would suggest you learn everything you can about that
term.
It is a tough life sometimes and everyone needs a crutch, some a drink some a drug some food, but you can have positive addictions too and BJJ aint a bad one to have, whatever life throws at you you have to draw some strength from somewhere, something to make sense of it all, BJJ and MMA have given me that and when I am older I hope to give something back to the youngsters so they can use it in the rough times too.
Sorry to hear about everything you are going through.
Unfortunately as human beings we are put through a lot of trials in life.
Certainly it seems that everything is caving in right now, but you can bet you will get over it.
On that note, jiu jitsu has done everything for me. It's not the answer to everything, but draw from the positives in your life and stay focused and follow the middle road.
I too can understand some. My dad is 83 and has lived a good long life its just hard. JJ was always my way through things.. then I had a near fatal car wreck that wasn't going to allow me to train again. Broken neck, collar bone, ribs and a puncherd lung, loss of some memory. About a year and a half ago I started going to a church with one of my training partners and found a place there for me. Today I am glad to say I am rolling again, not to the same level, but thank God I can use my arm and my neck is strong enough. I can roll with most of my top guys again.
As a fellow JJ guy, I truly understand the meaning and the true need to train and the relief of thoughts and ideas it gives you. JJ is a strong and necessary part of my life too.
I did leave one of the strongest assets to my mental health is my son Jax he is starting to train and sharing JJ with him and at 5 now we have conversations and I have no Idea what life would be with out that.