I saw something stating along the lines "I have suicidal thoughts but I'm not suicidal". Is that basically like intrusive (unwanted) thoughts/images regarding suicide come into your head without any desire to act on it. Anxiety and depression have a good grip on me but I'm working at it and seeing a psychiatrist that actually calls and checks on me (scary right?) and we have a good rapport. Recently was added rexulti and It fucks my sleep cycle more than it already is with added restlessness where I'll only manage a couple hours some nights for days and then crash for 12-15 hours. It is helping otherwise and he says it should subside in the coming weeks. Throw in a gout flare up and I've managed 2-3 days straight awake (drug free besides that and Effexor). In those times occasionally is when some thoughts are as they say intrusive. Reddit had a simple point that helped-those thoughts aren't who you are, and it's true. They are passing and out of no where but it's still unsettling when it does happen. And no it's not "voices in my head". Apparently it's frequent with anxiety disorders and is just brought on with me when it's exacerbated by exhaustion. The other thread about suicide, along with current restlessness inspired me to ask if anyone else has insight/experience with that or even the meds. Hopefully I made this coherent enough to explain it-I did rewrite it a few times...
Just to reiterate, definitely not suicidal, I know things are gonna improve.
I think everyone has had intrusive thoughts, just what they’re about might be different. What I like to do if I get negative thoughts or worries stuck in my head is to force myself to think about something else that’s going on in my life. So if I was car shopping at the time, I just keep thinking about the different vehicles I’m comparing. If I have nothing going on, then I think about basic stuff like my saving allocation, or any hobbies I’m into, etc.
Simply having something else to think about helps me to stop any intrusive worries that try to force themselves on me.
Please note, this is for artificial intrusive thoughts. There are times when there are legit worries (sick family members, major work projects that are going south, etc), and those are harder to get out of my head to sleep. But for those random negative thoughts and worries, the above works for me
This is not the place to come for psychological assessment. Having said that, and yes being someone who can comment on this kind of stuff accurately, I would say what you describe are not intrusive thoughts. If you open up a DSM and read the intrusive thought requirement for PTSD it is a much more out of the blue and all-consuming intrusion. It isn't just some random thing that pops up and you think, where the f*** did that come from. It's much more invasive and disabling. And it isn't usually a vague notion like suicide. It is usually very specific as in a memory from decades ago that pops into your head as if it just happened to you and you are still Paralyzed by it. As far as the psychiatrist that checks up on you... that shouldn't happen on any type of regular basis unless they think you are actually suicidal at which point they should try to have you committed. Is this the person who is prescribing your meds?
Yeah he is my prescriber. We have bounced through a lot of med combos the last 9 months. My main issue is social anxiety that has been rather crippling this year and has caused depression from being "stuck". I hate using the phone so I don't often call to check in with how dose adjustments are doing so he will call and check on me (no charge and he is working a deal for me on cash since no insurance). I'm a RN, not currently working, but have dealt with an assload of docs and this one is just an amazing and caring individual. Inpatient therapy had been discussed so perhaps thats part of his follow up.
I very well could be using the wrong diagnostic term, I worked organ transplant not mental health, but its usually images that come in unwanted, one example has been a weapon and the thought of peace.
Its been a rough day and figured venting and some online dialogue couldn't hurt.
As someone who has battled depression with therapy and hesitantly refused to take meds, all thought cycles can be conquered by will.
Stop the cocktail, the idea of your dependence weakens your will to heal. You can potentially be on these medications forever and stay in the same place emotionally.