Is Pet Detective a real job?

I’m giving up the chimney sweep game. It was a good 3 weeks, but I made zero dollars. Also my body type just isn’t good for chimney sweep ( 5’2, 263lbs).

I did what I always do when I’m bummed. I put one some Ace Ventura. That got me thinking. I’d be a good pet detective.

Anyone know what the job consists of?

Also I’m gonna need a driver. Moped broke down.


I specialize in finding birds. I’ve seen 6 of them.

mutt cutts GIF by Dumb and Dumber To

My work van!

Pet detective, dog assassin, I have many titles


Hmmm. We should exchange business cards!

Maybe get a little quid pro quote going!

You make the dogs disappear. I’ll get hired to find them. Then I’ll blame OGers we don’t like for doing the deed…


Did you sell a blind kid a dead bird?

you can do it

ace ventura GIF

Jim Carrey Help GIF by Ace Ventura

ace ventura GIF

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My business affairs aren’t your biz Duncan! And I’m mad at you right now for your anti bird sentiments!

First time I saw that scene is one of the hardest I’ve ever laughed.


its a decent gig but most of the cases end up here

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Thanks but no thanks! That movie is way too scary for me.

There is one part I like though. It’s in the beginning of the movie, they’re talking and a bird flys by in the background!

Then I fast forward all the way too the end so I can watch the credits.

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That was just the same bird 6 times.

I think if you saw any of those birds in your hand then its worth two somewhere else, so you have seen 3 birds…or 12, or any number in-between. People think bird counting is easy…its not.

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Well, if I wasn’t wearing trousers a bird could be worth two in my bush.

So honestly I seen 12 birds. Roscoe is gonna be so mad when he finds out!

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Ouch. I’m too sad to even argue with you. And I usually love arguing with folks.

You’re a real Grinch.

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Its nice when bird math works out

Let me ask my boy Ace- will get back to you

You only need a license in 3 states to be a pet detective, NJ, WA, and HI.

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Lol no way that’s real. Do they give you licenses to be Batman too

Actually “pet law” is one of the fastest growing fields of law. I took an intro to pet law class for one of my CLE credits earlier this year.