Joint custody question

I had proposed split custody with my son’s mom and mentioned that I would need to drop him with her on school mornings due to me having to be on the road to work an hour before he could be dropped off at school. She said that’s not how it works. Is she right? Am I going to have to make accommodations with my job telling them I’m going to be an hr late everyday or am I just going to have to get a new job/jobs?

Tough situation but it’s best not to negotiate with her. Follow your decree and make arrangements with work on those days.

I’ve been dealing with that for two years now and left a job so it would be easier to pick mine up after school instead of relying on her or after school care. Your life will be easier if you don’t deal with her and just follow the decree.

Good luck

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The answer is - how it works depends on how cooperative the parties are and what they want.

If she doesn’t want to have an amicable partnership with her child’s father then that’s how it works.

If she does, then “how it works” is what works best for your kid and the both of you.


The court order should specify exactly what the terms are. If she’s not willing to change things up by an hour or so that really sucks but not sure what you can do about it now.

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Tell her to meet you on a mountain top to talk about it


I’ve heard it’s most beautiful right next to the edge of a cliff. Great place for a talk.


Yeah. And after school care is a sonovabitch these days with all this pandemic shit. Very hard to come by and the biggest hangup is getting him from school to the program without having the workday interrupted.

No way to change the bus schedule to get him there directly from the school?

Cracking Up Lol GIF by HULU

I feel you. I had all kinds of issues with day cares picking them up and taking them to their places and even looked into karate studios that would offer that sort of thing. It was a nightmare. I ultimately left a very high paying job to work sales from home and not deal with all that stress. It ultimately turned out to be a very good move, better for me and the kids. I make less money but I don’t need to deal with that stress and the added expense of the after school care.

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I’ll put it this way. I pay my ex and we have 50/50 custody and our home is the hub for our kids school registration. They come to my home after school most days and sometimes they did in the morning too. I never tried to take her to court and adjust our terms. I am not a bitter human that wishes to make things more difficult on others than they have to be.

My wife also has 50/50 with her ex and I’d say we have her kids closer to 65% of the time and school drop off was always at our home, pre and post. She never tried to get more from her ex because she’s not a bitter cunt. As is, she doesn’t get anything from him despite her “legal right” to request money given their income diffeeence.

Are these things written in our decrees? No. It’s a directional decree. Joint legal/physical. We stayed days in our decrees but we’ve altered the schedule without going to court because it works better for everyone. We now just do one week off and one week on. Even with that the kids still come in the morning and after school.

So that’s what I mean by “the terms are what you both want them to be”. The court ain’t coming after you for altering them, but if you have a dispute then you should utilize them until you can mutually agree on new terms.

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Also - if you both mutually want different terms (holidays, support schedule) just be very clear and document the desired change in an email and have her or you reply to the documentation that you agree.

If the terms need to change, document the conversation - we will need to revert to the default starting next month due to x, y, or z, unless we agree on alternate terms.

Last thing, we’ve altered our schedules with our exes once and I altered support amounts with my ex once (we were to switch claiming kids on taxes but I let her claim them all to avoid a tax penalty she was seeing). We haven’t made a lot of changes. If you are always coming at her with changes (or vice versa) it’s exhausting. You have to stick to something.

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