Was out and my stomach got the bloop bloop. I wasn’t near a restroom so I was attempting to hold it and the pain grew excruciating. I had the sensation that I needed to shit but the pain was such that I felt like a well timed slow fart could relieve some pressure. I proceeded cautiously and my fart came with a charging shit patty following. Was driving.
I pulled into a residential area and found some bushes and took off my shorts and boxers. Wiped my ass with the boxers and left them. Someone is going to get a surprise next time they trim their bushes. I was mortified but luckily no one saw me. Time to reset the calendar back to 1.