lets hear it! best MAYHEM or SHEILDS jokes!!!!

so shields gets stranded on a desert island and he's been there for days with no food and nothing to do. he's starving and bored out of his mind so he decides to wander the island in the hope of finding food and something to do.
after a few days he reaches the other side of the island and finds mayhem and a bunch of other guys sitting on a beach.
'fuck no way guys, i've been stranded on this island for days and days and you gotta help me get out of here'.
mayhem replies 'sorry, 'but we've all been stranded here for weeks'.
'shit' says shields ' what do you guys do to combat the boredom, i'm bored shitless"
'well see that barrel over there' says mayhem.
'yeah' replies shields.
'see that hole in the side of the barrel' says mayhem
'yeah' replies shields
'well whenever you want to get ya rocks off just go and stick your cock in that hole and you'll be sweet'. says mayhem
'shit that sounds alright' replies shields
'yeah but there's just one problem' says mayhem
'what's that' replies shields
'you can't use it on Thursdays' says mayhem
'why is that?' replies shields
'because that's the day your in the barrel'

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

i guess im really fucking bored cause that last one made me laugh