Mental Edge for Teens

"IT IS NOT THE DANGER THAT MAKES US AFRAID, IT IS THE FEAR OF DANGER THAT MAKES US AFRAID... IF YOU DIDN'T FEAR FEAR, WHAT MIGHT YOU DO?"

Mr. Blauer,

I'd like to first complement your outstanding quote.

How does your approach to gaining the mental edge differ when dealing with youths? Can I as a parent influence my sons that the above statement holds true in their daily lives as teens?

Absolutely. Your job is to try and translate the essence of my philosophy into a scenario or application that they can easily relate too.

Several on this forum have used my manul and audios to gleen info to share with their kids, hopefully they will log in and offer their experiences.

Tony

Coach,

I'm one of those who's been trying to use the
information with my daughter, age 11. She is frankly
a bit of a worrier, and combines this with extremely
high expectations of herself, such that when she
perceives herself as failing, she falls apart
emotionally. I have worked through Tony's audio tapes
and have had some success in conveying the ideas to
her. She has been very excited about what I've shared
with her, but not surprisingly has a difficult time
applying the ideas to deal with her emotional states.
On the whole, I think I've seen some improvements over
the last month or so, but it looks like it'll be a
long, slow process to get her to reprogram how she
thinks and reacts to surprise or disappointment.

One small success: she plays flute in the band, and
was to play two pieces in a small flute ensemble for
the winter concert. She was very nervous about this
ahead of time, so we worked through how to apply some
of the Cerebral Self-Defense and Meta-Cognition to her
anxiety (e.g. asking "What are you nervous about?" and
explaining adrenaline, confronting her fear of failure
and losing the respect of the other players, etc.).
She was very excited about the materials, and wanted
to discuss it with me every chance she got. She still
got nervous when we weren't talking, but she managed
to walk into the concert calmer than she had expected
to be. She did a fine job even though she got a few
curve balls thrown to her during the performance. A
small success, as I said, but one I hope to build on
and to try to apply to some of the other things that
cause her anxiety.

I hope this is the sort of thing you're looking for.
If not, excuse the ramble....

Yours,
Glenn Sunshine

My sons (twins) who are freshmen at an all-boys private school both start on the second varsity wrestling squad. I questioned their lack of enthusiasm (missing practices, passing on invitationals and dual meets). The discussions we've had leads me to them experiencing cognitive anxiety. Meaning that, before HS there wasn't the high expectation and wrestling was fun. They tell me that because of this, and the high academic expectations that they feel like robots. Their coaches and teachers take on the win-win-win attitude and they are uncomfortable with that.

I don't comply to the Great Santini way of fatherhood, I'm proud of their accomplishments and where their minds are at, but I want them to face these challenges. I don't want them to give up on sports.

I believe time will tell at this point. As they become more comfortable with the changes and demands (athletically and academically), their sophomore year will be much smoother and less frantic. I too must be patient with the changes.

Sorry I'm so late posting on this issue...I'm extremely busy right now and have zero internet time...

Let me just say that my family has benefited greatly from Mr. Blauer's work and that he has inspired a new hope and awareness in me and the way I relate to the world.

Perhaps there were many seeds already planted, but Tony's concepts really seemed to tie together a ton of information I had been reading and thinking about for years. I believe he calls it 'advanced simplicity'.

Essentially, for me, it was like I was like a bomb going off in my brain. I kept saying to myself, "Oh, NOW I understand. It's so simple, it's been there all along and somehow I just didn't get it. I remeber Adam telling me at the first PDR that he was reading the "Tao of Jeet Kune Do" and really starting to understand it. I was having similar experiences.

My daughter has had a tremendous battle with depression. While we are still at war, largely because of the wisdom and inspiration I have gotten from Tony, we now fight the war without medication. This is a huge victory for my daughter, my wife and me.

The decision to stop the medication was a bit controversial, but because I have so much faith in the concepts I have learned from Tony and my daughter has faith in me, we were able to proceed with very little F.E.A.R. and the results have been fantastic.

I could go on and on about the concepts of acceptance, getting challenged and so on, but they are all in the PDR written better than I could ever hope to.

I hope that everyone who is even the least bit curious will give Tony Blauer's tapes and written material a try. It just might empower you to change your life. I believe this would apply to people of any age, provided they are open enough to 'hear' the message.

The saga continues and all I can say is thank you Tony, from all the Suyematsu's.

Mike

Guys, I love this thread. Parenting is an art, there are no manuals, we must figure things out as we go. That you are posting here and looking for insight to address concerns is testimony to your love of your kids.

Tony