(Please post any additional insight below)
MESH SHORTS GUY
As a trainer of referees and judges I have been blessed to travel across this great nation meeting fellow officials, competitors, trainers, coaches, journalists, and enthusiasts. Through the internet, I’ve met many great MMA personalities from across the globe. As we talk and swap stories I find it remarkable that the experiences I’ve had and the observations I’ve made appear to be common and shared by many.
In my course for MMA Referees, I often speak about “Mesh Shorts Guy”, or MSG. MSG is the guy who I often feel like introducing myself to before the bout. And when the fighter looks puzzled as to why I did that I would point over to the center of the cage and say “In about 25-30 seconds you are gonna wake up over there not knowing what the hell happened and who the hell I am and I don’t want you to think I’m the bad guy. So, even though I’m dressed in black, I’m your friend, my name is Kevin and I wish you luck tonight…….cause you’re gonna need it.” While we are having this conversation, I would have to shout a bit because the crowd would be cheering as his opponent is called to the cage. You see, we all know MSG doesn’t sell any tickets, but his opponent sure does and that’s why MSG is in the cage tonight. He might have knocked somebody out in middle school, watched too many youtube videos, bought the ENTIRE Panther Productions VHS set, or maybe he just has the best garage dojo in the neighborhood, wooden man and all. Basically, somewhere, somehow, MSG decided he was ready. Enter promoter.
We are currently in the “modern era” of MMA. You know, the one where even a single loss in the amateur circuit will derail a fighters’ path to a title on PPV till at least the end of the year. Because of this, many fighters must exercise extreme caution and impeccable use of judgment in selecting their opponents. This is where Mesh Shorts Guy, promoter, and soon to be World Champion realize that they need each other. MSG guy wants a fight (and has more stones than many of the guys calling him out), the promoter needs a big ticket seller who will win, and the “next big thing” needs another win.
I have been witness to MSG shocking the world and dropping the “next big thing” on multiple occasions and that has its own set of positives/negatives. More often than not though, Mesh Shorts Guy loses. And it’s usually not pretty.
In no way shape or form am I trying to put down Mesh Shorts Guy. In fact I’ll admit I fought my first fight in Mesh shorts in Humble, TX back in 98. Being true to MSG guy form I had zero jiu-jitsu, knocked a guy down, jumped into his guard, and woke up a few minutes later with an EMT in my face asking a bunch of questions I did not know the answers to like “Do you know where you are?”
Rather than put down MSG, I want to help him. In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s famous “You might be a redneck”, I want to start a list for the newer fighters coming up in this sport. Hopefully this list will help some fighters avoid certain things which have statistically been proven to lessen your chances of winning the fight. I’ll go first and please, add anything else you may have in the comments section below.
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you’ve worn Mesh Shorts
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your girlfriend is your cornerman
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your spitbucket comes from Home Depot
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your mouthguard came from the youth football section of WalMart and had to be dipped in hot water before forming and then cutting off the long helmet attachment
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your “cornerman” bought Qwik-Clot at CVS and can’t understand why “this f*cking commission” won’t let him use it on your wound
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you fake the glove tap and suckerpunch (because now, EVERYONE wants to see you take a whoopin)
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your athletic supporter looks the same as the one I wore for youth sports
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your cornerman has a ponytail
You've just lessened your chance of winning the fight if, when the referee goes to inspect your gloves, you think he wants to shake hands with you.
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you’ve put rolls of coins/ice/buckshot in your pocket/cup/or somewhere we can’t see to get within legal weight of your heavier opponent
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you get the old last minute switcheroo of your opponent and the promoter has “hooked you up” with an extra $50 for being a “stand-up guy” who “won’t forget this”, but does.
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if Fight Night is the first time you’ve wrapped your hands
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you buddy who works sheet metal made you and Endswell
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you and your cornerman are confused when the commission says you can use Adrenalin, Thrombin, and Avitene
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your cornerman’s only advices are “he’s wicked tired” and “smash his face!”
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if your entrance takes longer than the time it takes to walk from the curtain to the cage
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you scream and/or punch yourself in the face before the fight begins
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you have large, prominent MMA related Tattoos
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if nobody cheers for you and you are within 90 miles of home
You’ve just lessened your chance of winning the fight if you begin showboating and putting your arms by your sides and/or pointing at your chin
LOL
Naderhood -LOL
. 
good stuff... especially the pony tail. damn I hate guys with pony tails!!!
My fight against orange "MESH SHORTS GUY"
"He might have knocked somebody out in middle school, watched too many youtube videos, bought the ENTIRE Panther Productions VHS set, or maybe he just has the best garage dojo in the neighborhood, wooden man and all. Basically, somewhere, somehow, MSG decided he was ready."
Gold.
Excellent!
You have just lessened you chance of winning the fight if Spencer Pratt is involved in your life in any way.
LOL, AMAZING!
LOL 
You have just lessened you chance of winning the fight if you trolled your way into it using the UG
I want a pic of said mesh shorts. ASAP
Leigh - Are they shorts with mesh on the inside? Like swim shorts? That's much more dull than it sounds :(
I believe he is referring to standard gym shorts
Mozkonoh - Voted up, cornerman with a ponytail had me loling.
Master Thong is not amused.