I get very depressed pretty often. Theres some really bad days I have and other people have no idea. Then you also feel like not wanting to be the asshole that brings other people down cause you're depressed. No one wants to listen to that shit because people either don't know how to help or just realize they can't really do shit about it. It often feels like a worse decision to be like "so ya, thought about hanging myself today...." It makes other people real uncomfortable real quick.
Have you considered a support group? I know it sounds lame but someone out there needs your help. It's not about discussing everything, it's about having somewhere to go. I'm around mostly at night but I do pop in during the day and almost every morning (747) 529-0773 that's my number feel free and call about whatever. Dave can field the ghey stuff.