Military Jokes

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Haha, good ones!


I love that, "Nope, yours is." Lol

A Marine and an Army Infantryman are in the Latrine, taking a piss. The Infantryman finishes first, zips up, and heads out the door.

The Marine says "Hey, when I was in Boot, the Drill Instructors taught us to wash our hands when we were done takin' a piss."

The Infantryman says "Well, when I was in Basic, they taught us not to piss all over our hands."

I used to be in the Marines so I can tell this one:

Do you know the real reason they called Chesty Puller Chesty?

His real name was Peter.

Just kidding Devel Dogs.


"I used to be in the Marines so I can tell this one."

WTF?? Come on Devil Dog- what the hell goes through your head when you get out and go to the Army?? :)

Semper Fi
no shame

Same old story, My wife made me get out. I tricked her though, I was only out three days before I enlisted into the Ranger Regiment.

I am glad that I switched though. I love the Corps, but I have had a ball Rangering.


A Navy ship is off the coast of a small desert island, and the Admiral is looking through his field glasses inspecting the island.

On top of a small hill, he sees a lone Airborne Ranger in his dress blues standing at parade rest next to a waving American flag.

He gets kinda irritated at the audacity of this Army puke standing so proudly, so he decides to send a platoon of Marines across the beach to kick the stuffing out of him to teach him some humility.

As he watches intently, the Marines storm the beach and assault up the hill. When they reach the Ranger, The Admiral wathces smoke and dust and fire break out, obscuring his view.

When the smoke clears, there's pieces of uniforms, blood and body parts strewn about all over the ground at the feet of the Ranger, who doesn't even have a scratch on him.

the Admiral gets really mad, and sends a batalion of Marines to do what a platoon could not. Again, smoke, blood and body parts. Only this time, when the smoke clears, there is a lone marine pulling himself down the beach towards the water with his one remaining arm.

When he reaches the ship, the Sailors pull him abord, and the Admiral runs up and asks for a report. In a weak voice, with his last dying breath, the Marine whispers:

"Sir, it's a trap... There are...TWO...of them."

So there's this SEAL in San Diego. He's been fighting wars and killing people for years with no break, finally one day his CO comes down and says,
'Son your doing a great job, but the Nnavy says you have to take leave. Pick a place and go, we already did your papers for you.'

So the SEAL is sitting there thinking of all the countries he's been to, and trying to figure out somewhere he could go for vacation where no one wants to kill him. So he says, 'I've never been to Japan, I'll go there.'

The SEAL walks down to the beach on Coronado, grabs one of the IBS's and a paddle, tosses some clothes and water in, and starts paddling.

He's been paddling for awhile and starts to get bored.
'Think I'll sing something to pass the time. Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,...'(etc.)

So a couple days go by and this SEAL is still paddling and still singing the same song. God looks down from heaven at this guy in the middle of the ocean, and says to Saint Peter, 'Man, this guy is killing me.' So ZAP, he takes away half the SEAL's brain.

SEAL keeps on paddling and singing, 'Row, row, row your boat...'

Couple more days go by, same thing, God looks down and ZAP takes away half of what brain is left. No change, just keeps on paddling and singing, 'Row, row, row your boat...'

Couple more days go by of the same thing. God looks down, thinks to himself, 'Man, will he ever shut up?' And ZAP takes away half of what brain is left. SEAL keeps on paddling and singing, 'From the Halls of Montezuma, ...'

the fuck...why all the marine jokes.

I was wondering the same thing, man.

But as long as it is in good fun, no harm, right?

Army rangers dont wear dress blues.

I thought that was a little suspicious myself, but I'm not military (yet) and I didn't know.

No worries, its only a joke.

I don't mind all the Marine jokes. Yeah, it's all in fun. Also, I've heard all of the intraservice jokes before, but they were aimed in different directions. No big deal.

no shame

Why does the Navy use powder soap?
-It takes longer to pick up.

Why does the Navy have Marines on board?
-Cause sheep would be to obvious.

Sorry bout that to the fellas in the Navy and Marines but thought those were pretty good.


Actually, Rangers can and do wear dress blues, as do all members of all services in all MOS's. They just don't wear them 99% of the time.

What time is it?

If you're in the Army, it's 0800

If you're in the Navy, it's 8 bells

If you're in the Air Force, it's 8 o'clock in the morning.

If you're in the Marine Corps, Mickey's big hand is pointing up at the number 12 and his little hand is pointing down and to the number 8.