Ken Shamrock vs. Rich Franklin
Shamrock could have and probably should have retired years ago, but his balls are bigger than his brain, so he’s going to keep at it ‘til someone beats him to death and buries his broken body beneath the octagon. Tito more or less did that, but now Shammy is back from the dead to take another thrashing. Shamrock was falling apart years ago, so I can only imagine how much glue and tape is holding him together right now. Honestly, he’s at the point now where I’d hesitate to bet on him being able to get up three flights of stairs without breaking his pelvic girdle.
Stephan Bonner vs. Forrest Griffin
If these guys were dogs, Bonner would be the bloodthirsty hound from Cujo and Griffin would be the clever dog from Frasier. It’s brawn vs. brains. Bonner is hell on wheels, and Griffin is like a monkey on roller-skates. What’s my call? Another typical Griffin fight - he starts off getting beat,
but finds a way to win.
Diego Sanchez vs. Kenny Florian
When skills are equal the bigger guy will win and it’s no secret that Sanchez is a lot bigger than Kenny Florian, who looks more like a boy scout than a fighter. Leben was swatting him around like that scene from Austin Powers where he beats up the midget. So the bad news for Florian: He’s gonna lose. The good news: it will be by submission instead of brutal beat-down.
Mike Swick vs. Alex Schoenauer
There is something absolutely terrifying about Schoenauer. Maybe it’s because he looks a lot like the Undertaker from the WWE. Swick has some skills, but he’s not even close to 205 and has no business in the cage with a nightmare like Alex. I’m betting on a TKO. They should’ve had Swick fight Leben again instead of doing this - throwing him to the dogs with bacon tied around his nuts.
Bobby Southworth vs. Sam Hogar
I don’t like either of these guys, so I’m just rooting for both of them to get hurt real bad. Can both of them lose? I’d like to see that. Hogar was probably told to play the ‘bad guy’ on the show, so nobody would like him. Guess what? It worked. Bobby Southworth was just a victim of the guys who edited the show and picked the footage that made him look like an ass. Still, I’m rooting for a big KO. I expect Hogar will be waking up in the hospital, with his teeth in the bed next to him.
Josh Koscheck vs. Chris Sanford
Remember when Koshcheck was saying that he’s not one-dimensional? Ohh. I laughed pretty hard. It’s like Kevin Randleman went to bleach his hair and said ‘You know what? Let’s do the whole body!” I haven’t seen Chris Sanford fight, but I hear he’s got some skills. Can he keep it on the feet? Probably not, so I’ll expect Koshcheck to win a snoozer decision using his strategy of Ground and Hug.
Chris Leben vs. Jason Thacker
The UFC clearly wants to give Chris Leben as many chances as they can. First they bring him back onto the show, then they give him the guy who never should have been on the show at all. I hope Thacker wins and they follow Leben around for several hours while he cries and re-lives his dysfunctional childhood. Chances are that won’t happen. I expect Leben to KO Thacker and become the UFCs new “more affordable” version of Tito Ortiz, fully equipped with the dyed hair, smack talk and crybaby attitude.
Lodune Sincaid vs. Nate Quarry
Anyone who’s ever done grappling has asked themself what they’d do if a guy at their club was a raging homosexual. Would you roll with them and risk them grabbing your package? This is why the UFC executives asked Lodune to flame it up for them in the house. I don’t care what you say; that was contrived behavior. Even RuPaul doesn’t act like that. Regardless, Zuffa continues their love-affair with Team Quest, giving Couture’s right-hand-man one of the first guys to lose a fight.
Alex Karalexis vs. Josh Rafferty
Neither of these guys has any desire to fight on the ground; mostly because that is unfamiliar and frightening territory. Look for them to slug it out for three rounds. Who will win the decision? I’m not sure I can tell them apart, so don’t ask me.