need this murder to look like suicide

ive hated this fucking tree since we moved in. no idea what species it is, but it has to go!

all across my law are saplings thst presumably spring up from the root system.

wife wants it to stay because its living, i want it cut down, stump ground, and have 2 royal palms put in the front yard. she will not budge on this.

so... how do i make this tree go away asap without a chainsaw?

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/VOsb06d.jpg"

Sounds like a job for Harvey Updyke

Pour bleach instead of water

No matter what happens she will correctly blame you. Carry on...

If you cut an inch ring of bark around the tree, like a dog collar, it will starve it to death.  It may look obvious though unless you can cammo it.  Maybe put the ring back after cutting it?

I No Kung Foo -

If you cut an inch ring of bark around the tree, like a dog collar, it will starve it to death.  It may look obvious though unless you can cammo it.  Maybe put the ring back after cutting it?

go on...

In because I've actually wanted to do this before! I vaguely remember someone saying something about drilling a hole into it and filling it with rock salt? Maybe the roots? I can't remember, in for tips 

mostofyou -

I'd love to fuck one of your neighbors 

yes you would. couple of buff ex marines live here with their families. theyre probably outstanding in the bedroom

Jump in your Prius and ask your wealthy neighbors. 

Tell her it's an insurance risk, that it's leaning like the tower of Pisa and if it falls on little Timmy walking by on a windy day you'll get sued 

ShoreBreaker -

Tell her it's an insurance risk, that it's leaning like the tower of Pisa and if it falls on little Timmy walking by on a windy day you'll get sued 

.

Ram your truck into it. Say it was struck my lightining. 

Just have it cut it down & hauled away when neither of you are home and tell her someone "stole it."

Leave some vague clues behind... like a book of matches from a seedy bar, a ski mask and one glove.

 

 

...but not so fuckin obvious.  Do it quiet like.

I No Kung Foo -

this is exactly what one developer did in downtown vancouver... to get a better view for her property. doesn't have to be so wide. ring the trees

Drill a hole in the tree and pour diesel fuel down the hole. Do it a few times. 

Neighborhoods with established trees are where it's at.