please critique my article

WELLINGTON HIGH SCHOOL ALUMNI FACES ULTIMATE FIGHT

1994 Wellington High School alumni David Heath puts his undefeated mixed martial arts record on the line this Saturday when he faces legendary Brazilian fighter Lyoto Machida in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).  The winner of the bout could very well earn a title shot against UFC light heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell.

One of the fastest rising stars in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), Heath has strung together an impressive 9–0 record, including two impressive wins in UFC.

The UFC is a U.S.-based MMA organization, currently recognized as the major MMA promotion in North America.  MMA is a combat sport in which a wide variety of fighting techniques are used, including striking and grappling.

Heath’s opponent, Machida, is also 9-0 in his professional career and has notable wins over former UFC world champions Rich Franklin and BJ Penn.

When asked about his opponent, Heath replied, “Machida has an impeccable resume, but the thing about his resume is, he is going to leave it at the cage door just like I am going to.  The only person I am concerned about him beating is me, and he has not done it yet!  I am not worried about his hype.”

UFC 70 is scheduled to take place this Saturday in Manchester, England. The main event portion of the card is expected to be shown on Spike TV at 8 p.m.

Thanx R.W.

"Alumni" is plural. "An alumni" doesn't make sense. It's "an alumnus", or for a woman, "an alumna".

Other than that, looks fine.

wow! great catch Spoxjox! Thanx!

Good article. You may want to through some of his HS Football accomplishments in there as well if its just for the local paper since that town is Football crazy anyway. Great job regardless.

Thanx Giff. Did you get those emails I sent you?

Yes "throw" thanks infough. f7 has ruined my spelling.

JennyCraig, I got a couple of them. I just got back from my weekend wedding thing at the compound. I was happy to make it out of there without the ATF shooting me or burning me out. Koresch says hi.

it reads well, but shouldn't paragraphs be between 3 and 5 sentences?

Not always Buff. Paragraphs separate individual points or ideas. A paragraph can be as short as one word or run the length of multiple pages. I appreciate you looking at the article, though.

Impressive is used 2x in one sentence in second graf, recommend change.

Recommend losing following commas: 2nd comma in 2nd graf, around Machida in 4th graf, 2nd & 3rd comma in Heath quote.

Other than that and what's mentioned above, good job.

Heath has "accomplished" a 9-0...including two impressive wins in "the" UFC..not trying to be picky but it sounds a little better...

Thanx P.V. Great input. How about this Giffy?

WELLINGTON HIGH SCHOOL ALUMNUS FACES ULTIMATE FIGHT

1994 Wellington High School graduate David Heath puts his undefeated mixed martial arts record on the line this Saturday when he faces legendary Brazilian fighter Lyoto Machida in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). The winner of the bout could very well earn a title shot against UFC light heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell.

Wellington residents may remember Heath as an All-State running back and linebacker for the Crusaders. However, they will soon know him as one of the fastest rising stars in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). Heath has strung together a 9–0 record, including two impressive wins in UFC.

The UFC is a U.S. based MMA organization, currently recognized as the major MMA promotion in North America. MMA is a combat sport in which a wide variety of fighting techniques are used, including striking and grappling.

Heath’s opponent Machida is also 9-0 in his professional career and has notable wins over former UFC world champions Rich Franklin and BJ Penn.

When asked about his opponent, Heath replied, “Machida has an impeccable resume but the thing about his resume is he is going to leave it at the cage door just like I am going to. The only person I am concerned about him beating is me, and he has not done it yet! I am not worried about his hype.”

UFC 70 is scheduled to take place this Saturday in Manchester, England. The main event portion of the card is expected to be shown on Spike TV at 8 p.m.

televised on spike tv..

thanx GOZ - good input

they will soon "recognize him..

I appreciate all your help guys!

I like the additions.

I dissagree with ji32. Since the article is for a newspaper using "legendary" sounds better. If it was for an MMA site then maybe something like "highly touted" would be better suited. Legendary should draw more interest.

Good idea - I will add Iceman - thanks CindyO

"The winner of the bout could very well earn a title shot against UFC light heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell."

Id be very surprised if that happened anytime soon for Heath even if he wins. But I understand the purpose of the sentence, even if it isnt laden with truth.