First let me be clear; sexual encounters you wish you could forget or are ashamed of.
NOT sexual encounters you should probably be spending time in prison for.
Fuck that noise.
I basically need to clear my conscience at the moment, I don’t know what got into me.
I was walking by this massage parlor and I suddenly got the overwhelming need get greased.
So I went in.
There was this hottie at reception who told me the cost and took my money for 30 minutes.
I was like, “awesome”.
Then this horrid, old, ugly ghastly looking sea donkey sprang out from behind a curtain.
“Ahhhhh - massagey??!!”
I was so horny at that point I didn’t GAF, I was like, “yeah let’s do it”.
She then, basically without a word, obnoxiously shoved me into this cramped room that smelled of thai oil and jizz.
At that point everything was screaming, “leave, don’t stay, get the fuck out right now”, but I took a chance, whipped off my threads and spread eagle on the table.
She then pummeled me with her elbows for 25 minutes (less that the 30 minutes I’d paid for).
It wasn’t terrible but I think cause I’m young and in shape and the masseuse was grotesque looking and old, I could sense her contempt.
Something possessed me to ask her for a happy ending then (probably being a desperate horny SOB).
Which she did, but acted like she was handling toxic waste whilst groping my dick and nads.
I’m looking at her thinking, “dammit woman you should be so lucky, I wouldn’t look twice at you on the High St.”.
I kept groping her tits and putting my hand under her skirt, and she kept saying what I can only assume was, “fuck off” whilst grunting angrily in thai.
Eventually I nutted, but it was so average I wanted to hop off the table and show her some of the boxing skills I’d acquired in her native countries capital.
I tried not to pay her on the way out, but she basically cornered me and I could tell things were going to get ugly if I didn’t cough up the green.
So I did, then left feeling the appropriate (overwhelming) amount of shame.